What is supposed to be romantic, but just bloody isn’t?

'Oysters. Like swallowing semen.

An ex used to serenade me too. Nothing is more awkward than looking in to the eyes of someone who is playing a guitar and singing to you. I get the same feeling from looking a dog in the eyes when it’s doing a poo.'

This just cracked me up, my eyes are watering lol

@PerspicaciousGreen
What a brill idea!🤣

@Sweetpea1532 I have flowers in my garden almost all year long...DH would still buy me flowers...after several fake smiles and " oh how thoughtful" I finally told him to please not bring me flowers from a shop...just go outside and pick me some....after DH did it several more times he finally confessed that HE liked them.

I've bought my DH flowers a few times over the years because he loves a massive bunch of lilies that fill the house with that heady smell. I'm not too fussed, but it makes him happy. When we have our own garden, I'm going to buy him 1000 lily bulbs and tell him to go mad.

I hate that people kick off about staff not speaking English

This isn't a Paris thing... a lot of English people expect the entire world to speak fluent English.

Ex dh and I went to Paris years ago and were on one of those hop on hop off topless double decker buses. Part of this particular route took us past the Gard du Nord Station where directly opposite were lots of tacky looking bars with hundreds of British football fans drinking outside singing football chants! Embarrassing!

There are actually some serviceable restaurants just a couple of minutes walk from there, that don't even break the bank. You just have to know where to look. But I wouldn't recommend that area for romantic dining, nor the rue de la Huchette, next to Notre Dame, where all the tacky tourists go and get ripped off.

The same with people wanting to say "We had a coffee on the Champs Elysees" - that can easily bust €30 for two of you, and you will be hassled by ring scamsters and rose sellers the whole time - WHY ?

I have no idea why people think Disneyland Paris will be a good idea - everyone I know who has been there has hated it, or said "Well, the kids enjoyed it..." through gritted teeth. There are numerous parts of Paris that are child friendly - again, if you know where to look.

I hate that people kick off about staff not speaking English. How many hotel staff in England speak fluent French? I've been going to France for nigh-on 40 years (and Paris nearly as long) and not a single waiter has been horrible to me in all that time, and some honestly think they're being helpful when they give you an English menu (I usually ask for the French menu, because at least then I know what I am ordering, the "English translation" is oftentimes hilariously bad).

I was the ungrateful recipient of dirty talk in French.

He was not French (and it was dismal).

No conjugal without conjugation lads.

Sharing a bath, here also...we flooded the floor with a tidal wave...how romantic it was(not!) to use every towel we had to clean up the water and then had loads of extra laundry

I have flowers in my garden almost all year long...DH would still buy me flowers...after several fake smiles and " oh how thoughtful" I finally told him to please not bring me flowers from a shop...just go outside and pick me some....after DH did it several more times he finally confessed that HE liked them.

What's romantic to me?
Bringing me the newspaper and a cup of coffee in bed every morning
Putting toothpaste on my toothbrush every morning and night when he does his..( although this may be self serving)
Folding the loo paper in a little pointy end like they do at 5 star hotels😅
Working on a crossword puzzle together..he gives it a go first and then hands it over to me and tells me what a genius I am when I can fill in the ones he couldn't work out🥰😍💘💝💖❤

Surprise “romantic” trips.
Dh once arranged 2 leave days off from my work so we could go away for a long weekend straight from work.
Pissed me off no end as it was so presumptuous and everyone thought I’d be so delighted for some reason.
I had stuff I needed to do at work and was saving those leave days for something I like wanted to do.
He had packed for me and I had no warm clothes, medication, contact lenses, glasses or underwear.
So it was a fucking delightful trip freezing my arse off, commando while mostly blind unless wearing my prescription sunglasses.

Being pregnant. I didn’t particularly enjoy it and DH was hesitant to touch my bump.
Needless to say we didn’t do a maternity photo shoot.

I work on a maternity unit, there was once a couple who had just had a baby boy.
The dad did everything for the mum which I guess is lovely after you've just given birth. BUT one day I went into the room and mum was sat on a chair next to the bed, dad was kneeling on the floor infront of her, "milking" her into a bottle so he could feed the baby🤢
They didn't mind me being there atall. My face must have been a picture!

...until he decided to put some bath foam in.

Twat.

Sex in the sea. Sex in a hot tub.

Really uncomfortable.

@DanielODonkey yes, me! I hate being fed. It's all kinds of cringe. Especially if they make unwavering eye contact. It makes me feel so self conscious about how I'm chewing said offering

I had a Jack Russell who’d gaze at me,, then a speculative look would come into her eyes, then she’d suddenly lunge in for a snog
When my Jack gets a speculative look in his eye it usually means he's about to bite me

Radio dedications . I’m sure half of them are made up on Steve Weight Sunday love songs.

The "I'll make love to you all night"
Except you won't will you? It's a 2 min fumble, 2 pumps and a squirt and now you're snoring. Excellent

Feathery stroking enrages me. Even seeing it done to someone else. Stop it, it's fucking annoying

Morning sex. I'm tired, grouchy, need 2 cups of tea and you have morning breath. Go away

Actual good romantic things

Being unable to wash my hair after an op, and him ringing the hairdressers, booking appointments and paying for it
Mentioning sainsburys had a patisserie Valerie counter and I wondered if the cakes were good. He remember months later and brought me a selection to try

Anyone else said being fed food?

I once had someone attempt to feed me strawberries in bed. He held the green stem in his teeth and lowered his face down so he could pop the strawberry in my mouth. I instantly stopped fancying him. It was such a bizarre thing, his face descending on me.

I ended up finishing with him the next day and told him that I didn't think he was over his ex (I knew she still liked him) and the end result was they are now married. When they got back together she tearfully hugged and thanked me for my selfless act of sacrifice. All I could think was that I hoped she liked strawberries.

Bathing or showering together , yukkkkk!!

Putting chocolate / cream / other food on someone and eating it off, no thanks

Another vote for anything vaguely food related. A friend sent us a can of squirty CHEESE from America and DP thought that would be romantic to play with. Never ever again, cream is bad enough, but squeezy cheese left such a pong behind! Vom

Ears should have nothing to do with sex. Nothing.

When I was about 18, a boy at a party stuck his tongue in my ear and then complained loudly that I "tasted of wax". I found it seriously embarassing at the time.

Tongues in ears.
What's THAT all about?