What is supposed to be romantic, but just bloody isn’t?

Offering to shave your legs

You know when you go out to dinner with a new man and you order steak, chips and a chocolate pudding.
And then the man says something like "ooo, I like a woman who likes food. My previous GF only had soup or a salad"
I always thought this was some shit compliment.

BUT, what if all along, the previous GF just wanted sex after dinner, so didn't want a full stomach
Whereas I would prefer to stuff my face, than have sex

Mystery solved

Strawberries. Most overrated fruit.

Shaving their first initial into your pubes. Especially for the first date.

Learnt that one the hard way.

We had a double bath once in a hotel by the Niagara Falls, lots of room for two. That was lovely!

BettysCardigan
"My friend's husband surprised her with a couples' trip to a sound bath?!

They just had to lie in a semi-dark room in dressing gowns while some local loon dinged bowls to make sounds.

I'd have slid off the bean bag with laughter. Then swiftly divorced him.*"
*
I cannot stop laughing oh the tears

Yeah especially if you have trapped wind from holding it all evening and being ever so ladylike!

Does anyone feel like having sexy times on a full stomach?

This always pisses me off about movies. The hero and heroine gaze soulfully at each other over a candlelit, four course meal and then go straight back home/to the hotel and start rolling around under the magic sheet.

No thank you. After a four course meal all I want to do is take off my 'good clothes', put on some stretchy pjs and caress my over-full stomach, whilst genteelly emitting a few burps.

Feeding each other
Eating or licking food off another body
Chocolate body paint

@Kapalika I’m dying laughing at this

This thread is brilliant I’ve laughed all day today I too hate love songs, poems. I enjoy flowers nothing expensive just some we both saw in the co op they look nice so came home, now what is romantic is dh putting a chocolate trifle in trolley knowing full well I’ll be scoffing watching films.

Going out for a 'romantic meal' (back when we could). Does anyone feel like having sexy times on a full stomach?

The first wedding dance
Valentine's day
Hot tubs
Strawberries dipped in chocolate
Petals strewn around
Being serenaded
Being bought sexy underwear

Rose petals in the bath. They just go manky and stick to your boobs.

And the showering thing, tried it and there was no position we could do without one of us drowning.

Very close to your post Op....an ex thought drumming combined with wailing and chanting was enjoyable for me . After many long and never-ending sessions one ended abruptly when I finally found my voice and said 'shut the fuck up' the look on his face was a picture and still makes me laugh to this day. I am astonished at the patience I exhibited back then it would have got short shrift these days!

@ForeverAintEnough12 as if the spontaneous thing isn't cringe enough

yy bad love poetry from the wrong person is terrible, WTF do you say to them, aagh

It stinks of piss due to french men pissing on very corner, the streets are covered in dog shit, tourists everywhere, men who do not understand private space, serious depravity in some areas, sellers forcing their tacky souvenirs on you, waiters who hate tourists, overpriced everything... I could go on!

Definitely showering together. One person is always not under the shower and therefore cold. With the added thrill of wondering whether one of you is going to slip and break something

Three Times a Lady.
Quite possibly the most cringeworthy song ever written.

It's a toss-up between Lady in Red and Wonderful Tonight for second place.

Not romantic (I think?) but certainly designed to get me in the mood for lurrrve- 1st XH performed a striptease for me.

Which he'd rehearsed.

I have literally never been so simultaneously shocked, horrified and embarrassed in my life. Watching him wriggle and writhe around while trying to shed clothing was, hands down, the cringiest thing I've ever witnessed.

And he didn't bother to have a wash first either. His feet stank.

Things that aren’t

• massage. I fall asleep every single time so...

• shared baths. I need to scrub my toes and my crack not have yours shoved in my face as you truly Aqua Tetris with body parts. Then joining me in the bathroom (not to take a shite. God my ex always did that) to talk or just spend some 1-2-1 time without any distractions is pretty lovely though especially if they bring a mug of tea up.

• flowers. I buy my own. Nice if I get them but as it’s something I do for myself often it doesn’t really have a shine. Buying me a thought out pot plant though like my mate that got me a plant with ‘hobbit’ in the name because I love lord of the rings, yes. In the fluffy category.

-chocolate. Last time I ate chocolate came up in spots everywhere and those big boxes are just too over indulgent and will lead to a sugar rush and headache. Not for me ta.

• rose petals and candles everywhere. This could potentially be pushed to ‘romantic’ if the tosser that thinks is romantic shuffles around the house dead quiet post coitus cleaning them all up and doesn’t set off the smoke alarms. Ok still not romantic but he had better get it clean.

Things are that I’ve noticed recently with a specific chap. Due to different countries and unable to read/access some articles he reads them to me. And I do for him. Weird yes but it always sparks a discussion and ideas which is pretty bloody hot in my book.