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Original poster

to think it's really cheeky to invite someone to a BBQ then expect them to bring...

533 replies

dotdashdashdash · 11/04/2021 16:35

...The BBQ!?

We were invited last week to a friends today for a BBQ. They called this morning asking to borrow our BBQ, we assumed there's had broken or the one they ordered hadn't arrived etc - but no. They don't have one. So we suggested they come to ours and bring some of the stuff they'd bought as our BBQ is very heavy and large (won't fit in the car without removing the child seats and lying all seats flat) but it turns out, that not only did they want us to bring our BBQ, they wanted us to leave it at theirs as they are having other friends this evening.

Was IBU to say no? That I didn't want to take our large BBQ and gas bottle to their house and leave it with them?

OP posts:
Hankunamatata · 11/04/2021 19:17

Crikey I though u meant a charcoal one as we have swapped them about amongst friends before but a big gas one - they are taking the mick.

Maskedrevenger · 11/04/2021 19:14

It’s all in the delivery of the question isn’t it and how close the people are to you. My grown up kids have asked to borrow our barbecue in the past even when it’s for entertaining their friends and we haven’t been invited, no problem happy to lend but it’s a charcoal one and we get it back cleaned and we drop off and pick up when convenient for us. We have lent our folding garden furniture to friends hosting their family, again we are happy to help, friends collect and return furniture when it suited us with wine to say thanks. Last minute unreasonable request YANBU.

itsgettingwierd · 11/04/2021 19:10

This has to be one of the best CF threads we've had Grin

Glad you said no.

Hhusky · 11/04/2021 19:07

Lol DH and were invited to a barbecue years ago by BiL and ex wife. Turns out we had to bring the barbecue, food and beer/wine Grin I never did go back for another!
YANBU

Original poster
dotdashdashdash · 11/04/2021 19:06

SuperCaliFragalistic

We have lots of friends like you describe, BUT they'd have taken the offer of the charcoal BBQ. These ones have been our closest friends for a very long time, even lived together previously, but since we've had kids we have definitely drifted apart (partly me deliberately doing so due to female friends behaviour) and now we've just entered CF territory, thought she was always a bit CF, I was just never on the receiving end.

I do feel this has stirred up old feelings re the friendship though.

OP posts:
SuperCaliFragalistic · 11/04/2021 19:03

I guess it depends on the friendship you have. Some people genuinely wouldn't mind and after a few beers you would all sit around and laugh at what useless hosts they were. I think my friends and I have this sort of relationship. But there wouldn't be any deliberate cheekiness, it would be more like "everyone come to mind for a bbq" then "oh fuck, I don't have a bbq - can I borrow yours" and would all be genuine and pretty amusing. But I guess if you aren't close or you dont have such a relaxed friendship then I could see that you might read more into it and view them as CFs. Or maybe they are CFs in which case they probably have form for this sort if thing?

Tallybo · 11/04/2021 19:01

Haha glad you said no, it's reasonable to ask people to bring food etc but not the actual bloody bbq

RedcurrantPuff · 11/04/2021 18:55

You sound really nice OP :) and almost a unanimous YANBU! Their loss :)

Original poster
dotdashdashdash · 11/04/2021 18:53

@HaveringWavering

This is hilarious! Why didn’t they just buy one? B&Q is open.
Tight fuckers is my guess. They are far from hard up.
OP posts:
ChillySunnyChilly · 11/04/2021 18:53

" it's not like you are hard up" is a giveaway to me. Very cheeky. Users.

Original poster
dotdashdashdash · 11/04/2021 18:52

@Duggeehugs82

When we first moved into our home we got invited to a bbq by a phone call in the morning and they then asked if we could host , it was work friend who was staying with friends and had invited some work friends they hadnt seen for while we all know each other, he obviously was being cheeky but we was happy to host as long as he provided his cooking skills and some food 😁
I've happily hosted other people's birthday parties in my home where they've invited guests I've never met. I've cooked, cleaned etc for it. I'm generally a very amiable person and happy to help.
OP posts:
RedcurrantPuff · 11/04/2021 18:49

That’s really cheeky, I wouldn’t want to transport that my car is nice inside and I wouldn’t want a big bbq that’s been outside in it never mind anything else. I could maybe - maybe - get it if their own BBQ had broken but not otherwise. Tell them to buy some disposable ones

HaveringWavering · 11/04/2021 18:49

This is hilarious! Why didn’t they just buy one? B&Q is open.

Original poster
dotdashdashdash · 11/04/2021 18:47

What would have happened if you'd been having an great afternoon and not wanted to to head off early.... would they have wanted you out before the evening guests arrived?

I don't know!

Last weekend we double hosted, because of finally being able to see people, but we were upfront with the morning guest on invite - at no point did we hide it or make out anything other than what was planned. AND we always had a big gap so AM friends at 10, lunch 12.30 then they leave by 2.30, evening friends 6pm or later if they don't have kids.

OP posts:
ClarkeGriffin · 11/04/2021 18:44

@RogueMNerKnowsNoShame

I'd LOVE to know how they explained this to the other guests!
Me too Grin

Other friends will have turned up tonight expecting a bbq and find out they don't have one. That or these cfs asked the other friends to pick one up from b&q on the way over.

ThePearSquare · 11/04/2021 18:43

That is some outstanding CFery! I mean just go and buy a shitty disposable one if you’re that hard pressed getting hold of one, don’t ask your guests to bring it (and leave it for you to use again!)

Duggeehugs82 · 11/04/2021 18:41

When we first moved into our home we got invited to a bbq by a phone call in the morning and they then asked if we could host , it was work friend who was staying with friends and had invited some work friends they hadnt seen for while we all know each other, he obviously was being cheeky but we was happy to host as long as he provided his cooking skills and some food 😁

unchienandalusia · 11/04/2021 18:40

Wow.

EmbarrassingAdmissions · 11/04/2021 18:38

@Howshouldibehave

insist that only public transport must be used to attend

I have never had a host suggest this! Why would they? Why would anyone really care how you got to/from their house?

Ostensibly, it's a carbon footprint concern that is always included.* In our case, it would involve public transport costs of >£60 (off-peak) irrespective of one of us having some mobility problems and adding to the journey time and complexity.

Between the journey, the restrictions on food and drink to be provided and toted on public transport etc. - it's simpler to decline the invitations.

*Irrespective of the regular recreational long-haul flights taken by the person involved in non-Covid times.

HerMammy · 11/04/2021 18:38

wait, back up
@EmbarrassingAdmissions
you have ‘friends’ who tell you to only use public transport to get to theirs???
why? why would you agree?

NotSorry · 11/04/2021 18:36

I’d love to know who the 12 people are who voted YABU - the “hosts” and their guests maybe?

icdtap · 11/04/2021 18:36

We lent our new barbecue to neighbours - it came back with filthy grill, paint scratched and a wheel missing

Yeah that'd be the next thing! Couple of people have too much to drink, get into a fight and end up falling on to the barbecue, burn their backsides, end up in hospital. BBQ's a write-off. Bonus visit by the police.

No joke... it happened in my village last summer.

MarshaBradyo · 11/04/2021 18:36

Crazy

Glittertwins · 11/04/2021 18:35

@RogueMNerKnowsNoShame

I'd LOVE to know how they explained this to the other guests!
Takeaway???? I'd love to be a fly on the fence to see them brazen it out but OP, you are as far from unreasonable as possible!!
cleanasawhistle · 11/04/2021 18:35

Beyond cheeky.
But yes if it had all been planned in advance and they had offered to collect maybe a different matter.

Reminds me when my friend asked could she borrow a couple of tables so she could have a car boot sale (farmers market so have to take your own tables)
Then it was why dont you get some stuff together and have a car boot sale also.....beause the tables wouldnt fit in her car.

So we loaded up the van the night before ,she turns up with some boxes of her stuff because it wouldnt all fit in her car.

Next morning we turn up at car boot,set up the tables ,lay out her stuff.....and she turns up over an hour late.
So we got there at 6'30am to do her a favour but shes the one who had a lie in