Awkward misunderstandings that you had as a child

Was out playing when I was 8 running around for hours came home buzzing told my mum I'd had so much fun.
"What were you playing?" She asked.
HUNT THE CUNT! ...I replied. No idea what i was saying!

Was told someone sent us some badges in the post. I was SURE I’d been told they’d sent us badgers, picturing baby badgers - and kept on about it for weeks. Was so sure I’d been lied to and my brothers were hogging the badgers.

DM said oh the sweets have arrived one day when I was home from school as a lorry pulled up.

I was picturing a huge bag of sweets, no suites were a type of sofa .

I asked DM how much it took to get drunk and she said about three glasses.

I asked how much a glass was and she indicated a full glass. I didn't realise she meant with mixer, and the first time I got drunk I tried to drink three glasses of neat spirits.

I was drunk for at least two days.

I tried to give up my seat to a man on the tube when I was about 6. He must have been about 30. Everyone smiled/laughed and I went bright red realising he was not that old.

I shouted at the cat for being a mucky sod. Didnt realise my 7 year old was in earshot.

My dh came home from work, ds said daddy the cat has been a lucky sod today. Dh's face! oops!

@CompleteBarstool they wet themselves laughing after checking she had no idea what she was saying. Didn't get in trouble bc it was clear she was clueless and just told her it was a bad word. Funny though.

My aunt came to visit once, she was much older than my Dad and we didn't see her often. As we sat down for dinner I asked her if she was really a virgin. She was a vegan FFS but at 8 I guess I'd heard both words, didn't know what either meant and got VERY confused. I don't think she confirmed or denied...

Errr mine is wayyyyyy worse than these 😬😬😬

I was in infant school so 6-7ish. Before break I’d been playing in the sandpit and I had sand in my mouth. You weren’t allowed to spit so I tried to do it fast and behind me just as an Asian boy ran past... Me and him were actually good friends and played races lots.

Yeah. I just thought I was in big trouble for spitting and it going on someone. Turns out they thought I was racist and I didn’t get why I was in quite so much trouble 🥴

In relation to listening to the news when I was little:

Guerilla warfare- I though involved gorillas and I couldn’t make any sense of why this would be. I was baffled.

Star wars - there was endless talk on the news about it (Reagan era). I understand now what it was about but I thought it involved actual Star Wars which I thought was fictional but somehow had become real. Again, I was totally baffled but too embarrassed to ask!

My sibling called my dad a cunt once. She'd overheard it at the park and just thought it meant Wally.

Great thread😂. mine was when i was about 8 Was out with older cousins, had just been swimming were sitting having food after and one of them had bought me a teen magazine, I started reading the agony aunt section and there was one asking the agony aunt about pubic hair so i stop reading and ask them all innocently hey what's public hair?! silence and then fits of laughter. I cringe when i think of that now.

Saw my mother taking sanitary pads from the cupboard whilst on the loo, but didn't see where they went! I was reeeeeeally young and assumed they were posh toilet papers for grown up ladies so I started helping myself to them, using them instead of loo roll then flushing them down the loo :o

I used to think "twat" was just a variation of "twit". So i told my mum that my little sister was messing with my Barbies and being a silly twat.

My dm told me today about a time when I was about 9ish we had been to see my nan who wasnt well and apparently I asked my dm if nan was going old and fertile dm said she absolutely pissed herself at the time

I wrote up in my "News" book at school after returning from the Summer Holidays that we'd visited the Social Services while on holiday.

My teacher contacted my parents that day

I was 8 and I actually meant the motorway services. I'd got confused because I'd heard my parents talking about Social Services checking my Mum because she was a childminder.

I was about 7 and I asked my dad what a prostitute was whilst watching (if anyone remembers) the TV show ‘Band of Gold’. I remember the whole room went quiet and he just replied, “I’ll tell you when your older”

Reader: he never did tell me

Amusing one: I misheard in church and thought you were supposed to say 'pleased to meet you're when you shared the peace, so I said that for ages.

Less amusing: I tried to French kiss my dad when I was about 6 or 7. I can only assume that I was confused about boundaries (was being sexually abused at the time)

I used to think ‘typical’ meant something was bad, because my dad would roll his eyes and say ‘typical’ at minor neighbourhood annoyances. I think something came up on the news about a murder or attack and I piped up, ‘that is TYPICAL!’ I was shocked to learn what it really meant

We met up with some friends of my parents and their kids at the seaside when I was quite small. I’d recently heard the word bastard, and thought it was some kind of animal. I skipped ahead along the promenade then turned round and shouted “Come on you bastards!”

I was a complete people pleaser as a child, well behaved and used to being praised. I was completely floored by the absolute bollocking I got and was confused and upset about it for a very, very long time!

I got into trouble at school for calling my friend a lucky bugger. Well, beggars aren't lucky, are they? It was a good few years before I learned the meaning of bugger.

@HarrietSchulenberg pussy cheese

When I asked dm if I was a bastard as my df didn't live with us..
On the bus on the way home from school...

That's hilarious 😂