Awkward misunderstandings that you had as a child

Aged about 7 I bought a toy devil at a car boot sale. My brother was a Man United fan. Informed Mrs Brown my teacher that I'd bought my 5 year old brother a "horny little devil, like him!"

We stayed for a week at a friend's of my mother's place when I was 7 or 8. The friend whistled in a way that sounded just like a horn so I called her horny. She got quite upset with me and told me not to call her that ever. It made no sense to me as she sounded just like a horn and a musical instrument is not a bad word. I thought maybe she was upset because it was only one name so the next time I called her Mrs. Horny and she got really mad at me telling me that she had just told me not to use that word and to never call anyone that. I was baffled for years at why she was so upset by the name of a musical instrument.

I can't remember how old I was - maybe year 5 or 6 at primary school but I remember hearing a joke of Birds of a Feather which tickled my parents immensely. Desperate to impress my best friends parents I repeated this joke at their house whilst eating tea there. They were somewhat strait-laced it has to be said and the looks of horror on their face still makes my tummy clench a bit

My hilarious joke? Sharon & Tracey were discussing an upcoming election and Tracey asked if Sharon would be voting Labour

"I don't know, I haven't even got into sex yet"

Oh how I laughed. I didn't know what sex was.

I have no idea how I knew the word (TV perhaps) but, when I was very young, I asked my mother if my dad was a pansy. She was absolutely furious, I was severely told off, and also told that I was never to ask such a question again. There was no explanation as to why she was so angry with me.

It was about a million years later, when I was an adult myself, before I ever found out what the word could mean. To this day, I have no idea why she was even so upset that I asked.

I have always been into history and when I was about 6 we were learning about castles and knights in school, so I had lots of new words and phrases floating about my little 6 year old brain.

My parents very kindly took me to the Tower of London, keen to encourage this love of history. I was happily wandering about the armoury and stood in front of a huge suit of armour where I could read that it belonged to Henry VIII. It’s at this point you have to realise what is at the eye line of a suit of armour for a six year old as I promptly announced ‘see mammy! I told you henry viii had a big codpiece!’

Apparently the man nearest me fell about and my mother wanted the ground to swallow her up! I skipped on regardless and it’s been brought up consistently for the last 30 years to remind me

Not me - but my daughter. She was about 8 or 9 and we were in the supermarket. I don't know what magazine they had in the racks while we were waiting at the checkout, but she was looking at the covers and then said in a quite loud voice "mum, does an orgasm hurt?"

Needless to say, all heads turned towards my shocked face - waiting for my answer - which was "we'll talk about it later".

We did - in a tone suitable for 8-9 year old girls... and it turns out that she didn't know what an orgasm was, but the heading on the mag referenced it as a 'feeling' and she wanted to know what it was - and if it hurt!

Brother came home from his first day of secondary school and asked, what's cunt mean?

I remember reading the News of the World on a Sunday and asking at the dinner table what masturbating was? Grandparents were there too I was around 8

When I was in primary school, about 10 yrs old an older boy, about 13, came up to me and said:

"Oi, Geppili, I bet you don't know what an orgasm is!"

I replied witheringly:

"Course I do".

On my return home from school I made sure to find out what an orgasm was by asking my mother, who was ironing, what exactly one was.

I remember her wearily putting down the iron and laconically saying:

"I really wouldn't know, darling, I suggest you ask Daddy."

So later on when Daddy gets back I ask him what exactly is an orgasm. He was appalled at first and looked at a loss until he ejaculated:
"It's a form of volcanic eruption between grown ups""."

I did this!

Out with a friend and her family. We were both about 9 or 10. On the way to wherever we were going her mother said they needed to stop in to look at some suites.

I was skipping! If you're going to be looking at sweets you'll probably be buying them! I pictured the massive Woolworths pick and mix section my gran sometimes took me to. My god the excitement. I remember the absolute horror of turning into a fucking furniture shop and the dawning realisation that I'd just learnt a new word.

"When are we going to look at the sweets?"
"We're looking at them right now."

The feeling still stings.

@VenusClapTrap I too had a Pengy!!! Two actually. Mine were soft toys though. One of them is still going strong. I had a Fish called...Fishy too. Imaginative child....!

Aged about 8, I called my uncle a poof. Had never heard the word before in my life. I thought I'd made it up and it sounded like something funny to call him as a jokey insult.

I remember the whole room gasping and the "oh fuck" feeling I felt. I begged to know what it meant until I was firmly told to stop asking.

we used to take a short cut to nursery with DD, she repeated it as short CuNt , and when picking her up , she asked if we were taking the short cunt home- baby DS was in the pram at the time.

I went on holiday to a caravan site with a friend and her family when I was about 9 or 10. On the last morning I visited the shop and bought a present for my sister. It was a huge candy lolly that said I 💖 pussy on it. I remember her parents laughing and insisting I should go and choose something else but I really couldn’t understand why. We had a much loved cat at home. 😂

I remember being taken on a day trip by family friends and stopping off at a relatives house to 'spend a penny'. I honestly thought we were going to be given some coins and have a go on some slot machines in the relatives house Imagine my disappointment when I was shown to the bathroom

My mother told me babies came out of a gateway in your leg. I spent years searching in puzzlement for this gateway. When I asked her to show me the gateway, she became vague.

When I was about 4 I used to like to "help" my neighbour's son, who would have been about 21, when he tinkered with his motorbike. I was assisting him one day when it started to rain, and I told him that it was pissing down. I had teenage siblings at the time and can only imagine I'd heard one of them say it. My mum was mortified when he told her what I'd said.

mum carefully explained that Pengus was my imaginary penguin

That reminds me of Pengy. He was a large plastic penguin that I had when I was very little. I loved him dearly. Somebody explained to me that penguins were from very cold places, so I felt sorry for him and stood him in front of the fire before going off to play.

Pengy melted all over the carpet, and I was inconsolable.

Went through a phase of naming everything Albert, including an old sheepskin rug I had. Neighbour shouted over the fence to speak to mum, told her sorry she was in the bath with Albert (giving it a wash).

I played holy hell with a workman who threw his tool bag up the corner of the lounge. I was hysterical because he'd thrown it at Pengus. Poor bloke thought he'd killed a pet cat until mum carefully explained that Pengus was my imaginary penguin.

I was an odd child it's safe to say.

I got ming and minge mixed up. I always used to say mingeing and thought I must be very funny due to the reactions.

🤣🤣🤣

Just place marking because these are great!

When I was about 7 I lost my skirt at school and got really upset. It was a gym day so I had my gym shorts on underneath and when I used the toilet I somehow manged go tuck my skirt into my shorts. On the way back to class I noticed it was missing and told the teacher I've lost my skirt. She sent me back to the toilets to look and I remember crying and asking a girl if she had seen it then I looked down and realised it was tucked into my waist band . I was so upset and embarrassed my parents found it hilarious when I told them after school and I've still never lived it down