Page 2 | Awkward misunderstandings that you had as a child

CompleteBarstool · 2021-03-14T18:33:06+00:00

I've just been reminded of the time where I'd overheard the word "bollocking" used and had no idea it wasn't a word a child used....until I saw the look on my Dad's face when 6/7 year old me told him that I'd had to give the cat a bollocking earlier for scratching the furniture. Any similar stories?

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 17/03/2021 09:43

Aeons ago, when I was maybe 10, I said, ‘Oh, balls!’ at the dinner table, having dropped something.

There was a brief silence, then my DF said very firmly, ‘That is not a word to use in mixed company.’ 😂

Having heard it at school, I still had no idea why I shouldn’t say it - what on earth was rude about those round things you played with? It was a while before anyone enlightened me.

Talking of which, a very young nephew once remarked that their dog was licking his balls again. My Dsis told him that the correct word was testicles.

Roll on a week or two and he asked, ‘What’s that word again, Mum? The one that means willyballs?’ 😂

HollowTalk · 17/03/2021 09:27

@JeremyIronsBenFolds

Another one here who didn't realise the difference between twat and twit. My DSis and I were arguing in the back of the car, we must have been about 8 and 10 I think, and one of us called the other a twat. Cue DM telling us we shouldn't use that word. Of course we wanted to know why. DM wouldn't tell us, just said we shouldn't use it. After the twentieth or so chorus of 'but, whyyyyyy', she snapped and shouted 'because it means CUNT!'. We were utterly mortified and sat in silence the rest of the way back

.

😀😀😀😀😀

Piccalily19 · 17/03/2021 09:06

@Malin52 ha! Yes I didn’t word that the best (night feed typing😴) . I was definitely one!
Pointing to childless adults and children a like going “you’re a virgin!” Was meant I meant to write 😂

Claudia84 · 17/03/2021 08:04

I thought “good riddance” was just another word for saying “good bye”. Cue 6 year old me sitting outside the village hall at the end of a birthday party cheerily shouting “Good Riddance!!” to everyone as they left.

psychomath · 17/03/2021 07:52

Oh God @LittlestBoho, your poor grandma!!

When I was about 7ish I found a condom (in the wrapper) on my parents' floor and asked my mum what it was. She said it was something people used so they wouldn't have any more babies. I insisted on knowing more details, and so she explained that men put them on their willies, which I misheard as in their willies (I knew the basic mechanics of sex at that point but no more than that, so it seemed like a reasonable explanation).

A while later I said something to my teacher about how I'd always be an only child, and she made some offhand comment about how you never know, you might get a little brother or sister one day. I told her that wasn't possible, because my dad put things up his willy and it meant he couldn't have any more babies God knows what she thought I meant!

Malin52 · 17/03/2021 07:28

@Piccalily19

I asked my mum what a virgin was and she told me it was someone without children, I very proudly went to school the next day pointing out how I was a virgin and telling various people they were too until someone with much more knowledge than me pointed out my mistake.

Errr. You mean you weren't??!

Piccalily19 · 17/03/2021 04:34

I asked my mum what a virgin was and she told me it was someone without children, I very proudly went to school the next day pointing out how I was a virgin and telling various people they were too until someone with much more knowledge than me pointed out my mistake.

PhilCornwall1 · 17/03/2021 04:19

I've one to add.

Our eldest when he was about 7 (now 19) came out of school and was enthused about what they had been learning that afternoon.

Driving home he was sat in the front with me and said "did you know, dildos are extinct!!".

I died and the car almost went up the pavement!

PhilCornwall1 · 17/03/2021 03:58

@LavenderDiamond

That letters from my french pen pal should not be referred to as french letters.

Me saying "ooh I wonder if there will be a french letter on the mat when we get home" was too much for my mother

Reminds me of an episode of Antiques Road Trip we were watching last night (oh yes, we know how to live!!).

One of the experts bought a brass "french letter holder". I did raise a titter at that, but I think I covered it well and it went unnoticed.

namechange63524 · 16/03/2021 23:42

@Gribbie

My DS age about 7 or 8 said to me "Mum, what's sex?". I started to explain in child friendly terms. DH sniggering like crazy in the next room making no attempt to rescue me. DS looking very confused.

A few days later DS calls over to the TV where the CEX (computer exchange shop) ad was playing and says "this was what I meant mum - CEX".

LittlestBoho · 16/03/2021 19:20

@radioband

I can’t remember how old I was but I remember saying to my Mum how good it was that when people died they could be made into a bench! 🤣

I'd love to be a bench when I die!

My grandma was looking after me once at her house when I was about 5. After playing for a while, I solemnly went up to her and asked her if she knew anything about incest. She froze in terror, then knelt down next to me and asked me what I wanted to tell her, so I led her out into the garden, showed her a caterpillar I'd just found on a plant and asked her if she knew what type of insect it was.

toffeebutterpopcorn · 16/03/2021 17:43

@SkepticalCat

I've not used the word knackered in company ever since I was told off for saying it, but I do wonder if its a slightly older generational thing where it has sexual connotations? I googled before posting and it seems that these days it is just used for meaning tired, but I read somewhere that it used to mean sexually tired.

You used the heat it on tv in the 70s. I remember Marti Kane used to say it.

I did and the snooty old Hyacinth Bucket that was my friends mum sent me home and rang my mum to say that I wasn’t allowed to play with her kid anymore. Knowing my mum she would have put on her best Princess Anne impression and told her to ‘bugger Orr’.

radioband · 16/03/2021 17:18

I can’t remember how old I was but I remember saying to my Mum how good it was that when people died they could be made into a bench! 🤣

modgepodge · 16/03/2021 17:10

@ScottChegg

My nan (a Londoner) used to say something very dirty was "black as Newgate's knocker". Except she pronounced "Newgate's" like "Noogit's".

I wondered for years who Noogit was and why she had a black tit.

My mum also said this! In a broad Scots accent mind, so I assumed it was a Scottish expression. Though she was from London originally. And she also pronounced it noogits. I also wondered who noogit was. As I got older I wondered if it might be a bit racist (she had another ‘black as...’ phrase which it turns out was, despite not being a racist person at all), but it seems not.

toffeebutterpopcorn · 16/03/2021 15:49

My sister thought guerillas were... trained fighting gorillas.

onemorecupofcoffeefortheroad · 16/03/2021 15:47

I recall one of my sons aged about 7 saying "mummy have you ever had sex" and I said "darling, you don't know what sex is" and he replied "yes I do it's the bits we're not allowed to watch on James Bond" haha 🤣🤣🤣🤣

Gribbie · 16/03/2021 14:58

My DS age about 7 or 8 said to me "Mum, what's sex?". I started to explain in child friendly terms. DH sniggering like crazy in the next room making no attempt to rescue me. DS looking very confused.

A few days later DS calls over to the TV where the CEX (computer exchange shop) ad was playing and says "this was what I meant mum - CEX".

ScottChegg · 16/03/2021 14:01

@itsadoddle

My parents are very traditionally and the food in my London Uni was all cool. I heard they did these fancy squashed hot toasted rolls with mozzarella, basil and tomatoes. So as a nervous new first year I queued up at the counter where they were made. I asked for the "hot Poonami" instead of a panini 😝 never lived it down.

I am officially deceased!! Bwahaha!

TeaSoakedDisasterMagnet · 16/03/2021 13:28

This threads the best laugh I’ve had in ages!

When I was about six I was reading a book and asked my parents what shag meant. The dog in the book was described as “Shaggy”.

TheOrigRights · 16/03/2021 13:00

@amusedbush

When I was really little my 19yo cousin died. Apparently I made my uncle a ‘sympathy’ card that said ‘enjoy your funeral’ and gave it to him under the radar of my mum’s watchful eye

I’m mortified thinking about it now but I was so young I have no memory of it at all.

That reminds me - I wrapped up my Auntie's wedding present (just some token thing, I was only 6 or 7) in Many Happy Returns of the Day paper.

It hadn't registered and I can't even remember how I found out. I'm sure we all just laughed about it.

ScottChegg · 16/03/2021 12:01

My nan (a Londoner) used to say something very dirty was "black as Newgate's knocker". Except she pronounced "Newgate's" like "Noogit's".

I wondered for years who Noogit was and why she had a black tit.

TeckanandMultra · 15/03/2021 22:37

I heard the word "bastard" being used as an insult, and thought it was "bast-head", with "bast" being the bad bit. I used to mutter "oh BAST" to myself when I was annoyed, much to my parents' confusion.

SunshineCake · 15/03/2021 21:45

@SkepticalCat

I've not used the word knackered in company ever since I was told off for saying it, but I do wonder if its a slightly older generational thing where it has sexual connotations? I googled before posting and it seems that these days it is just used for meaning tired, but I read somewhere that it used to mean sexually tired.

I'm from the north, late forties, and when I was a teenager I said I was knackered meaning tired and was properly told off and told not to say it. Implication it meant tired after sex. It must be a regional thing as ask as a generational one.

FlibbertyGiblets · 15/03/2021 21:40

@RosemaryShortcake

DM said oh the sweets have arrived one day when I was home from school as a lorry pulled up.

I was picturing a huge bag of sweets, no suites were a type of sofa .

I asked DM how much it took to get drunk and she said about three glasses.

I asked how much a glass was and she indicated a full glass. I didn't realise she meant with mixer, and the first time I got drunk I tried to drink three glasses of neat spirits.

I was drunk for at least two days.

I tried to give up my seat to a man on the tube when I was about 6. He must have been about 30. Everyone smiled/laughed and I went bright red realising he was not that old.

Missed the quote, sorry.

FlibbertyGiblets · 15/03/2021 21:38

Well yes, who WOULDN'T be disappointed at not getting a 3p sweet? I mean, black jacks were 2 a penny. Buying a 3p sweet would have been an epic haul!