Awkward misunderstandings that you had as a child

Just found this thread, but thought you might appreciate another story.

I grew up during the AIDS crisis, and some of my early TV memories are of those terrifying (to younger me) tombstone adverts. Anyway, I clearly remember the blunt message "always use a condom" at some point in the public health campaign. I knew it was something to do with sex, I knew my mum was terrible at talking about sex and my dad just wouldn't, so there was no point asking him.
So, I asked my mum what a condom was. And she said it was like a rubber skin that the man wears.
I thought she meant a wetsuit. For years ....

HAHA, that post made my day

I’m so relieved to see other people with the nonce mistake! I used it to a chap I quite fancied. Killed that stone dead! The word Id wanted was numpty.

We were at the petrol station and the petrol man came over to help us...I was sitting in the backseat and had the window down...I saw that the man was called Mitch( nickname for Mitchell) on his name tag...I was aimlessly amusing myself by saying his name and coming up with other words that rhymed with it as I was just learning to read. My Dparents about died when I recited my list of rhyming words almost to the man's face
" Mitch, ditch, stitch, witch, itch, bitch, twitch" ...cue my DF rolling up my window and shouting not at me to never say that word again! I had no idea what he was going on about, but have never played that rhyming game since!

^^Vestal, not bloody Vestral ffs!

My dad was tickling me once in the kitchen with the back door open and within earshot of many houses and I bellowed "Help! Rape!" He pretty much dropped me.

I thought it meant attack.

My parents ran a shop when I was young, I told the teacher they'd been shoplifting all weekend (instead of stocktaking!) I also said my dad was a groupie - meant hippy

I have a few. Any remember the song 'Substitute ' by Clout which was out in late 70's when I was about 10. I had heard only girls in out street singing "I'll be your prostitute", so started singing those words around the breakfast table when the song came on the radio. My DM put a quick stop to, that. I also thought Crap just meant rubbish as I had heard people using it to describe things going wrong. Aged about 9/10 I had helped my DM make cakes and told my DD that they tasted okay, but looked like crap, he went ballistic. The worst one was when I was on holiday visiting some ancient ruins in Spain and my DSis and I were standing under an arch and a bloke asked us if we were Vestral Virgins, I had no idea what that meant (the Vestral bit) so 13 year me standing next to 14 year old sister shouted out " Of course we are not flipping virgins." My sister nearly died of embarrassment and reminded of the story for years after.

I used to think having an accident only meant wetting yourself.

A girl in schools dad was in hospital after having an accident, and I asked very loudly why he couldn’t just change his pants and get over himself.

I imagined this ward full of embarrassed men with pee soaked trousers😂

Apparently aged about 3 I came out with the c word thinking it was a bit like idiot shortly after being around whilst my dad watched an important football game. He's a wonderful decent man but turns foul-mouthed when football's on. He's also Scottish, not sure if that's relevant.

I thought it was illegal to get married to a man who was younger and or shorter..
I have no idea where I got that from. My friend was like, my dad is shorter than my mum though? I was like oh

My sister aged 8 came home from school and recited her new song about her teacher that the ‘naughty’ girl had taught her.
“Miss Howett plays for Celtic, she nearly scored a goal. She did the splits and split her tits and the ball went up her hole”.
My sister was proud as punch. Mum and dad were

I remember at 10 putting my hand up in class to answer the teacher's question about different ways to describe conversation. My answer? Social intercourse - because I'd read it in one of my sister's university books. The teacher was very polite but lots of the class giggled and I was mortified though I didn't understand what I'd done wrong.

Learned a charming insult in grade 5 (1985) that I had no idea what it meant.
Dad walked me home from school and I called him a 'poo jabber' and he lost it yelling at me that I was never to call anyone that again. Never explained it, just yelled and dad was not a yeller at all. Stuck with me for years.
Took me til I was 29 to work out what it actually meant.

I used to think phallus meant banana shaped. I went to school about age 11 and proudly told my teacher saying that the moon was shaped like a phallus.

Similarly to those who didn't know what nonce meant, I didn't know what a pervert was. I thought it meant someone who was a bit clumsy. Someone asked me what a new teacher was like and I answered ''He's a bit of a pervert but he's alright.'' I explained what I meant when questioned and it was all fine but I dread to think what the outcome could have been.

I remember in the 80s there being a TV campaign warning about 'drinking and driving'. I then recall being in the car with my DF and he had a can of pop, I was mortified that he was breaking the law by drinking and driving!

[quote poottoot]@NameChangedForThisFeb21 you're not alone! My DH said, "he looked like a bit of a nonce" (outfit at wedding) to my aunt and uncle and I had to intervene. He's 41.[/quote]
Oh good I’m not alone!

I definitely only used it as a term of endearment, I would often say to my children “come on my little nonces” if they were being a bit silly...I dread to think what people thought if they overheard! I definitely know I would have said it at toddler groups too

I don’t know if this counts but I never knew what the word “nonce” meant until about 4 years ago (I’m 33!) when dh told me. I heard it as a child and thought it was just a bit like calling someone a Wally, a sort of daft term of endearment. I’d been calling people a “nonce” affectionately my whole life! No one told me but I do remember some shocked and angry faces god knows why no one ever confronted me or told me what it meant before. I obviously never said it in front of my parents of anything as I had no idea what it actually meant. I dread to think how many people I’ve inadvertently offended over the years.