Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Mumsnet classics

Relive the funniest, most unforgettable threads. For a daily dose of Mumsnet’s best bits, sign up for Mumsnet's daily newsletter.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

Early Noughties teen mag ridiculousness

665 replies

SmidgenofaPigeon · 27/02/2021 10:21

Does anyone remember the little nuggets if totally ridiculous advice they’d give you in teen magazines?

I used to be an avid reader of Shout! magazine. The main goal of these magazines seemed to be being popular and having boys notice you obviously, and were filled with totally mad tips on how to achieve these things and not be a ‘geek’ who wasn’t interested. Which is totally inappropriate advice these days, happily.

I remember one was ‘if you are invited to a party, arrive late and leave early! You are a social butterfly who has had to squeeze the party in between other engagements’

Happily I HAD been invited to a party in my local pub function room that very weekend! I spent a long time applying glitter hair mascara to my fringe to make it clump together attractively (why) and I think I even had on one of those fetching skirt with trousers combos with a vest top from Tammy girl. I got my dad to drive round the block a bit so I could try to be late, but it didn’t take very long and I think I turned up at ten minutes after the start time. I had a few dances to All Saints and Steps and drank a couple of cans of Coke and an hour before it was due to finish, I did a big show of having to rush off.

Now, we lived in a very small town. There was NO WAY any other parties were happening on the same night. But desperately trying to stick to my social butterfly narrative I said goodbye and off I went.

I sat round the corner in the bus shelter until it was time to get picked up. While everyone else was having a nice time at the party Confused

What a knob! When I got to school on the Monday everyone was saying it was rude to leave the party early and I felt like such an idiot.

Can anyone remember any more of the ridiculous things they used to spout in these magazines? I’d love to get my hands one now as I think it would be hilarious Grin

OP posts:
Thread gallery
31
CherryValanc · 02/03/2021 13:43

@Allington

I remember some late 80s/early 90s advice about giving blow jobs - apparently the correct amount of suction was as if 'you are sucking a thick milkshake through a straw'...

Very useful, I'm sure Grin

I think I may have read that too. As I recall feeling a bit unsure as I'd never had a milkshake. 😄
Allington · 02/03/2021 13:06

I remember some late 80s/early 90s advice about giving blow jobs - apparently the correct amount of suction was as if 'you are sucking a thick milkshake through a straw'...

Very useful, I'm sure Grin

DrSbaitso · 02/03/2021 12:56

@SinisterBumFacedCat

There was definitely a magazine that suggested blusher for nipples and to enhance your cleavage. I tried it and it just looked like I had a sparkly rash between my tits.
You could get "cleavage enhancing kits" which were little pots of white and black stuff. I guess they were early contouring sets. I suppose if you really knew what you were doing you could perhaps do something with them (can't see how the colours would work on anyone) but I certainly never had any luck with them.

Then a friend pointed out I had a cleavage you could ski down anyway so what was I doing, trying to kill people?

Anyone remember the colour mousses that had names like "mahogany" and "plum" and just turned your hair purple, along with the collar of your school shirt?

SinisterBumFacedCat · 02/03/2021 12:42

Tbf the “eyebrows are sisters not twins” is good advice and today’s youngsters could really do with hearing it.

SinisterBumFacedCat · 02/03/2021 12:38

There was definitely a magazine that suggested blusher for nipples and to enhance your cleavage. I tried it and it just looked like I had a sparkly rash between my tits.

millievanille · 02/03/2021 12:29

I used to read shout religiously every fortnight in the mid to late nineties. I used to love the real life stories that were diary entries but always wondered why and how girls randomly sent in their private diaries to be published! Now someone has said they were all made up it kind of makes sense! I loved the flowchart quizzes, the free silver rings that turned your fingers green and bonus points if there was a poster of the backstreet boys. I had a stack of about 100 magazines but had to dump them when we moved 😞

mynewusernameisthis · 02/03/2021 12:00

@AVictoryProduct

Rinse your hair with cold water to make it shine Wear a pop of colour close to your face Your eyebrows are sisters, not twins Cucumber on eyes Oatmeal on face Live yoghurt on your vulva for thrush Which jeans to wear for your body type Which swimming costume/bikini to wear for your body type Hair styles to suit your face shape Men always notice your hands Your hair is your crowing glory

What a load of shite.

Omg yes, your eyebrows are sisters not twins!! I still tell myself this, it makes me feel a lot better about them Grin
mynewusernameisthis · 02/03/2021 12:00

@AVictoryProduct

Rinse your hair with cold water to make it shine Wear a pop of colour close to your face Your eyebrows are sisters, not twins Cucumber on eyes Oatmeal on face Live yoghurt on your vulva for thrush Which jeans to wear for your body type Which swimming costume/bikini to wear for your body type Hair styles to suit your face shape Men always notice your hands Your hair is your crowing glory

What a load of shite.

Omg yes, your eyebrows are sisters not twins!! I still tell myself this, it makes me feel a lot better about them Grin
DrSbaitso · 02/03/2021 11:53

@ohnomesandwiches

'Men like large dark nipples so why not draw around yours with an eyeliner pen.'

COSMO

In fact, why not go one step further and add some googly eyes and a Groucho Marx beard and pair of glasses?

I remember reading a letter from someone who said her sister wore red lipstick on her nipples but stopped after an embarrassing medical examination or something. I honestly never heard of lipstick on nipples before or since.

Mrsfrumble · 02/03/2021 11:42

I remember Minx! I used to buy it in my first year of university. Probably while wearing low slung cargo trousers, Adidas trainers and a strappy black vest, and nursing a steaming hangover. Aaaahh, 1997 I miss you!

LindaEllen · 02/03/2021 11:20

I always remember a girl writing in to a problem page. She was 16 and wanted to have sex with her boyfriend and said she didn't know how to do it and whether she should move up and down or just him. The answer was that if she had to ask questions like that, she obviously wasn't ready for sex. Sorry, but unless you've seen real people have real sex (as opposed to on TV etc) how the fuck would you know exactly what to do? I remember the first time I gave a blow job and I didn't have a clue! I was happy to be doing it, but I'm sure it was shit.

I just feel like it was putting the girl down, being like 'how dare you not know everything there is to know about sex via osmosis, and no I fucking will not help you!'

WhereDoMyBluebirdsFly · 02/03/2021 11:17

@Carrotcakeforbreakfast

Grin brilliant memories.

I've just had a quick Google of More and the position of the fortnight. I'm surprised I used to read that actually I must have only been 14 ish Confused

Takes me back to more carefree days.
I would get up, shower and dry my hair, spray myself with stupid amounts of impulse o2 (which they should definitely bring back) tie my hair back extremely tight with absolutely no lumps and a couple of pieces down the front of my face Haha, foundation, loads of eyeliner and foundation lips with lip liner.
Pop to the newsagents and get my mag.

Those were the days lol

They should definitely bring back O2! Also, Impulse once did a set of body sprays that were based on old (1950s) songs. One was Pretty Woman but I can't remember the others. They were slightly vanilla scented and I walked around in a cloud of that and Les Belles du Ricci for about 5 years.

Did you all used to have the fabric loop headbands too, super wide that covered your hairline and made you look like The Girl in the Pearl Earring? I used to have a white one, I looked like I'd been in an accident.

Carrotcakeforbreakfast · 02/03/2021 10:53

Grin brilliant memories.

I've just had a quick Google of More and the position of the fortnight. I'm surprised I used to read that actually I must have only been 14 ish Confused

Takes me back to more carefree days.
I would get up, shower and dry my hair, spray myself with stupid amounts of impulse o2 (which they should definitely bring back) tie my hair back extremely tight with absolutely no lumps and a couple of pieces down the front of my face Haha, foundation, loads of eyeliner and foundation lips with lip liner.
Pop to the newsagents and get my mag.

Those were the days lol

ohnomesandwiches · 02/03/2021 10:29

'Men like large dark nipples so why not draw around yours with an eyeliner pen.'

COSMO

PinkPiranha11 · 02/03/2021 10:13

Does anyone remember Minx? If was short lived as it was actually quite feminist (for the time) and Polly Vernon (now Observer/Guardian) wrote for them as a junior writer. I loved it! This was maybe 1997 ish? Proper Girl power era. I wish it had stayed around and evolved.

GreenSlide · 02/03/2021 08:06

@PurpleCrocuses

It's a bit off thread but I remember getting a comic when I was about 11. It was like a sort of newspaper type paper but an an actual comic. I think it was called a girls name beginning with M and had non romantic photo type stories?

Mandy!

Ooh I want to read the story in this! "Teacher trouble in 'Slave to Love" whaaat Shock
browneyes77 · 02/03/2021 07:16

@BrightYellowDaffodil

Blimey, I remember bath pearls. We always gave them to each other, along with shaped soaps, for Christmas. ‘Course, if you had a bit more cash you’d be stocking up on Body Shop Dewberry or Fuzzy Peach stuff. Or Boots World Collection.

The problem with bath pearls was the little slimy pearl case that lurked at the bottom of the bath Grin

Don’t forget the Body Shop White Musk!! GrinGrin
OnwardsEverStridingOnwards · 02/03/2021 04:29

@SmidgenofaPigeon

No I remember Cathy!!! She had dark curly hair and a lime green silk shirt and a stern but kindly expression!
That was Cathy Cassidy, who's now a children's author ✍️
PurpleCrocuses · 02/03/2021 03:52

I remember my best friend and I having a vicious fight to decide which one of us would be White Musk and which one of us would be Dewberry. For some reason we were very strict that we each had to pick one and stick just to that one.

I got "lost" and had to wear Dewberry but I actually like Dewberry!

Do you remember how Just 17 invented and popularised "boyf" and "girlf"?

PurpleCrocuses · 02/03/2021 03:47

It's a bit off thread but I remember getting a comic when I was about 11. It was like a sort of newspaper type paper but an an actual comic. I think it was called a girls name beginning with M and had non romantic photo type stories?

Mandy!

Early Noughties teen mag ridiculousness
8090sTv · 02/03/2021 00:36

I diligently wrote a story into J17 I think for the fiction pages. It was about a girl and a dog. I got a reply saying it was a good story but not quite what readers were into with some hints and tips on the type of story. Romance basically. Didn't write back as I couldn't get over the fact they didn't print stories about dogs be bothered.

To my regret I got offered work experience at Bliss (I hand wrote to them all) but turned it down because I had to revise for my GCSEs!!

It was position of the fortnight 😂 More was fortnightly.

I'd love to read a copy of one- I'll bet they have them on ebay.

PieInTheSky71 · 02/03/2021 00:33

Smart Girls Get More Grin

Crimeismymiddlename · 01/03/2021 23:48

All these memories. I vividly remember going to get my braces tightened when I was 11 and my mother as a special treat got me a copy of Just 17. I was traumatised by it and asked her to not purchase it again. However I loved Jackie magazine, and in particular the Xmas albums and had a fantastic collection all from the charity shops that I was obsessed with. Sadly my parents did not agree that my album collection would be worth millions in the future and put them in the skip-They had such a distinctive smell.

DrSbaitso · 01/03/2021 23:28

Bath pearls, releasing a sickly perfume oil into the water and then leaving a slimy little skin behind...

Bbq1 · 01/03/2021 23:18

Bath pearls! I'd forgotten about them.
I used to buy J17 when I was 14 at the newsagents on the way to school. We'd all gather round and read the problem page first. I remember Girl too. There used to be a little bookshop locally growing up and I once bought about 15 back copies of girl in there. I was so pleased! I already collect Jackie Annuals, I have done for a few years and only need to get about 5 more to complete the collection. As a direct result of this thread, I have decided to collect all the Blue Jeans annuals next. It's a bit off thread but I remember getting a comic when I was about 11. It was like a sort of newspaper type paper but an an actual comic. I think it was called a girls name beginning with M and had non romantic photo type stories? I think it cost 20p! It Came out on a Saturday in the days when you would reserve magazines and comics at your local newsagents.