Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Mumsnet classics

Relive the funniest, most unforgettable threads. For a daily dose of Mumsnet’s best bits, sign up for Mumsnet's daily newsletter.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

Early Noughties teen mag ridiculousness

665 replies

SmidgenofaPigeon · 27/02/2021 10:21

Does anyone remember the little nuggets if totally ridiculous advice they’d give you in teen magazines?

I used to be an avid reader of Shout! magazine. The main goal of these magazines seemed to be being popular and having boys notice you obviously, and were filled with totally mad tips on how to achieve these things and not be a ‘geek’ who wasn’t interested. Which is totally inappropriate advice these days, happily.

I remember one was ‘if you are invited to a party, arrive late and leave early! You are a social butterfly who has had to squeeze the party in between other engagements’

Happily I HAD been invited to a party in my local pub function room that very weekend! I spent a long time applying glitter hair mascara to my fringe to make it clump together attractively (why) and I think I even had on one of those fetching skirt with trousers combos with a vest top from Tammy girl. I got my dad to drive round the block a bit so I could try to be late, but it didn’t take very long and I think I turned up at ten minutes after the start time. I had a few dances to All Saints and Steps and drank a couple of cans of Coke and an hour before it was due to finish, I did a big show of having to rush off.

Now, we lived in a very small town. There was NO WAY any other parties were happening on the same night. But desperately trying to stick to my social butterfly narrative I said goodbye and off I went.

I sat round the corner in the bus shelter until it was time to get picked up. While everyone else was having a nice time at the party Confused

What a knob! When I got to school on the Monday everyone was saying it was rude to leave the party early and I felt like such an idiot.

Can anyone remember any more of the ridiculous things they used to spout in these magazines? I’d love to get my hands one now as I think it would be hilarious Grin

OP posts:
Thread gallery
31
LApprentiSorcier · 27/02/2021 11:10

@GirlLovesWorld

I love your very specific grievance *@LApprentiSorcier* Grin
I can hold a grudge for years Grin
Original poster
SmidgenofaPigeon · 27/02/2021 11:10

Im sure i read one of the tips on how to get your crush to notice you was try and discreetly spray his school bag with your Impulse spray so that he would be reminded of the smell of you Grin

Can just imagine stalking a poor boy in the corridors trying to get close enough to fumigate his belongings with Vanilla impulse Confused

OP posts:
WeeDangerousSpike · 27/02/2021 11:09

@IndecentFeminist

More was the sex mad one wasn't it?
Yes! That was it! I've just googled it to see some covers - it's just as bad as I remember!
GirlLovesWorld · 27/02/2021 11:09

I love your very specific grievance @LApprentiSorcier Grin

Pinkflipflop85 · 27/02/2021 11:07

I was obsessed with these bloody magazines.

I even kept every single copy of more that I bought and struggled to part with them 🤣

LApprentiSorcier · 27/02/2021 11:07

Another who remembers the 80s version of these magazines - Jackie, My Guy, Blue Jeans, Patches, Just Seventeen.

A common theme in the problem pages was someone writing in about B.O. They'd say 'I wash regularly and use a deodorant so I don't know what's wrong'. The agony aunt would reply 'You need to use an anti-perspirant, not just a deodorant ...'

This riled me because there was a 99% chance the writer was using an anti-perspirant. 'Deodorant' was simply an umbrella term for anything you put on your armpits to stop them smelling (at least, as far as teenage girls were concerned it was what we'd call it). You'd have thought a writer on a girls' mag would realise that.

Kollin · 27/02/2021 11:07

@IndecentFeminist

More was the sex mad one wasn't it?

Haha, I used to love more. Felt so grown up reading the erotic fiction story at the back and "position of the week" Grin in reality, I wouldn't lose my virginity for about another three years and even then was certainly never brave enough to try any positions.
Lol, a bit sad really. I'd hate for my daughters to read that crap at that age now.

GirlLovesWorld · 27/02/2021 11:06

[quote WonkyCactus]@GirlLovesWorld I turned down a job offer from that company when I was 17! I went to university instead but I've always wondered "what if...". Sounds like I dodged a bullet![/quote]
I'd say so. I was only there about 9 months and I was miserable really.

I actually left and went to a call centre for a year before Uni and had a riot!

Original poster
SmidgenofaPigeon · 27/02/2021 11:05

Oh my god yes More! I’d forgotten about that one. I bought a copy home once when I was 15 and my dad went nuts and put it on the fire!! I thought he was horrible at the time but I’d have done the same thing in hindsight I think 😂

OP posts:
willstarttomorrow · 27/02/2021 11:05

I loved 'My Guy' - full of pictures of brooding teens in stonewash denim, white t-shirts and leather. All the girls had perms and the boys had floppy long hair. I think I may try and explain the whole photo story concept to my teen so she can roll her eyes at me.

MammaSchwifty · 27/02/2021 11:04

my teen mags were bit earlier, I liked Just17 (though it was a bit young for a 17 year old), Mizz, More (pure filth, that one), Cosmo (a bit old ladyish) and I can't remember what else. Yes, they were crappy, but I actually remember a lot of stuff in there that was positive. About how periods were normal, that discharge was normal, normalising aspects of puberty, that if you didn't want to do anything with a boy then you shouldn't, all about condoms, lots of stuff about sex and orgasms, that you should tell the boy what you wanted him to do, types of orgasms, how to get them.

In some ways they held your hand through puberty and gave the sort of advice not everyone gets from their mum (certainly no one gets all the stuff about oral sex and positions!!). Better than learning about sex through porn like so many do today Sad

And yes, boys seeing your sanitary products was up there as the #1 most embarrassing event of your young life. Although, I guess today that would be getting exposed through revenge porn or something similarly grim. again Sad

InglouriousBasterd · 27/02/2021 11:04

I think I’d actually kill to re-read a copy of Sugar or Bliss or More or Mizz from the 90s. I have so many fond memories Grin when I look back, they were largely inappropriate but god, I loved them at the time.

IndecentFeminist · 27/02/2021 11:02

More was the sex mad one wasn't it?

Crimeismymiddlename · 27/02/2021 11:02

I read them ALL. I even, and this is a bit embarrassing had a subscription for Bunty, and Mandy & Judy right until the bitter end. Through my my mum liked those as well. I think I was pretty thick as a teenager as I believed everything in the true life stories. The only thing I truly remember was that all the models had lovely none blotchy skin and shiny straight hair which I coveted. That and the free rubbish that I loved.

Jobseeker19 · 27/02/2021 11:02

I went to secondary from 2003-2008 and we read Bliss mag and Sugar. I remember when they made them ''hand-bag' friendly they were thicker but half the length.

If it came with a Pineapple brand bag, that bag was the bag that every girl had in school. This happend maybe 3 times.

It used to have tips for clear skin which seemed unattainable

WeeDangerousSpike · 27/02/2021 11:01

Oh god, I'd forgotten the magazines!

What was the one that was sex obsessed?? I'd borrow a friend's copy or very rarely buy one, read it, and throw it away before I got home so my DM wouldn't see it!

It was awful, really made out that all teenagers were having sex constantly, and you were really uncool and had something wrong with you if you weren't!

WonkyCactus · 27/02/2021 11:01

@GirlLovesWorld I turned down a job offer from that company when I was 17! I went to university instead but I've always wondered "what if...". Sounds like I dodged a bullet!

CounsellorTroi · 27/02/2021 11:00

@MidSummersNightmare

I was a teenager in the 90s. One particular article I remember was about how to look good when sunbathing on the beach. Their top tip was to dig a recess in the sand to put your bum and thighs in so the fat doesn’t get squashed out to the sides and therefore you look thinner.
I was a teenager in the 70s. One tip was to wear high heeled gold sandals while walking around the pool to make your legs look longer, slimmer and browner. Well you’d certainly get noticed if you fell flat on your face or into the pool while tottering around on your heels.
lighteincastlewindow · 27/02/2021 10:59

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

IndecentFeminist · 27/02/2021 10:59

I went to school with quads, they had an older sibling who.worked for one of these mags. (All of which I read avidly, but had to hide them from my parents who hated them). The kids were all beautiful, two boys and 2 girls, and super cool. One month one of them was featured in the 'real life' section, which of course wasn't real at all. Apparently they were all made up.

VioletCharlotte · 27/02/2021 10:59

My Nan used to work in a newsagent so would bring me home all the magazines that didn't sell. I had piles of them - Jackie, Just 17, 19, More, Mizz...and used to spend my weekends pouring over the advice on how to get a boyfriend/ how to be popular/ 'makeovers'/ problem pages, etc. This was in the late 80s/ early 90s.

They were so trashy, but I do miss a magazine!

HollysBush · 27/02/2021 10:56

MidSummers I remember that one!
Something that stuck in my mind was to have a slice of brown toast and honey before going out on a date or clubbing, to give you energy and so you didn’t appear ravenous to your date!! It’s not a good snack as you get crumbs and honey dripped all over your velvet spaghetti strap minidress.

EdinaMonsoon · 27/02/2021 10:56

I was already in my 20's in the 90s but the 80's versions of these teen magazines were just as bad.

Early 80's it was "My Guy" & "Jackie" and mid-80s "Just 17". They were all appallingly aimed at convincing teen girls all that mattered in life was pursuing & keeping a boyfriend. They also featured step by step make-up tutorials that can only be described as "explosion in a paint factory". I know it was the 80s but seriously!!

As an indie-kid Smiths fan, the NME was my teen bible Wink

HappyFourTeeth · 27/02/2021 10:55

I read J17 and Mizz.

I don’t remember specific ‘tips’ but I do remember the general vibe was about being slim, popular and attracting boys, which is just horrendous now when I think about it!

I also remember these mags used to do competitions to win a meet/day our/VIP experience with the boyband or teen pin up of the day, and the photo shoots were always really inappropriate. Some star struck 14 yr old girl kissing a 20-something boybander or sitting in between all five guys with their arms all over her. Even then I thought it was creepy.

Tnuc · 27/02/2021 10:55

I remember one about a girl who was embarrassed about smelling, and it being so bad that other people in school were noticing.

The expert response was that the girl must have left a tampon in, and the advice was to "fish around in there" to remove said tampon.

Because that's literally the only possible cause.