Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Mumsnet classics

Relive the funniest, most unforgettable threads. For a daily dose of Mumsnet’s best bits, sign up for Mumsnet's daily newsletter.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

Early Noughties teen mag ridiculousness

665 replies

SmidgenofaPigeon · 27/02/2021 10:21

Does anyone remember the little nuggets if totally ridiculous advice they’d give you in teen magazines?

I used to be an avid reader of Shout! magazine. The main goal of these magazines seemed to be being popular and having boys notice you obviously, and were filled with totally mad tips on how to achieve these things and not be a ‘geek’ who wasn’t interested. Which is totally inappropriate advice these days, happily.

I remember one was ‘if you are invited to a party, arrive late and leave early! You are a social butterfly who has had to squeeze the party in between other engagements’

Happily I HAD been invited to a party in my local pub function room that very weekend! I spent a long time applying glitter hair mascara to my fringe to make it clump together attractively (why) and I think I even had on one of those fetching skirt with trousers combos with a vest top from Tammy girl. I got my dad to drive round the block a bit so I could try to be late, but it didn’t take very long and I think I turned up at ten minutes after the start time. I had a few dances to All Saints and Steps and drank a couple of cans of Coke and an hour before it was due to finish, I did a big show of having to rush off.

Now, we lived in a very small town. There was NO WAY any other parties were happening on the same night. But desperately trying to stick to my social butterfly narrative I said goodbye and off I went.

I sat round the corner in the bus shelter until it was time to get picked up. While everyone else was having a nice time at the party Confused

What a knob! When I got to school on the Monday everyone was saying it was rude to leave the party early and I felt like such an idiot.

Can anyone remember any more of the ridiculous things they used to spout in these magazines? I’d love to get my hands one now as I think it would be hilarious Grin

OP posts:
Thread gallery
31
Posyc · 27/02/2021 13:57

I always liked the articles about how you could dress 'up' a white shirt and jeans with chunky jewellery, a waistcoat and rolled up sleeves. Also the different ways to wear a little black dress articles. They used to take photo of a girl out shopping in the street and ask her where she bought each item of clothing and what it cost. I still sometimes imagine myself in one of those photos with my clothes labelled.

flamingomingeo · 27/02/2021 13:56

@WeeDangerousSpike

Oh god, I'd forgotten the magazines!

What was the one that was sex obsessed?? I'd borrow a friend's copy or very rarely buy one, read it, and throw it away before I got home so my DM wouldn't see it!

It was awful, really made out that all teenagers were having sex constantly, and you were really uncool and had something wrong with you if you weren't!

It was More. It regularly featured ‘Position of the fortnight’ and gave tips on how to massage your man etc.
LApprentiSorcier · 27/02/2021 13:53

Jackie's agony aunts were Cathy and Claire. Allegedly. I wrote to them twice with different problems and got responses back in my SAE (yay!) but noticed the signature on the second response was completely different from the first response.

ExhaustedGrinch · 27/02/2021 13:51

I remember all these, I loved Sugar and Bliss! I also enjoyed More but I was too nervous to buy it because I was quite young, so after leaving the shop one day I asked my older friend who I was with to go back in and get me More ... she came back out with more crisps, I should have been more specific!

Cactus1982 · 27/02/2021 13:51

There used to be an embarrassing story section in one of them, possibly Shout or J17. Those were the ones I bought most often. One has stuck in my head for the last 20 years. A girl was at a house party and needed a poo , so went out the toilet but then it wouldn’t flush and there was queue behind her banging on the door. So she fished the poo, out wrapped it in tissue paper and hid in her bag. Later in the night some lads were mucking about, grabbed her bag off her and found the poo inside it.

It had to be true as it was too ridiculous to make up.

Bbq1 · 27/02/2021 13:50

Wasn't Cathy in Jackie? Anyone remember Jackie? I collect the annuals and the 70s ones are the best. Me, and my sister still think the page in one of them telling you how to tell if a 'guy' likes you is hysterical. It was obviously a male model but he was pulling much the same face in each photo but it hss captions underneath saying things like 'Shy guy' ' Tired Guy' 🤣

Misbeehived · 27/02/2021 13:48

Haven’t read the whole thread but was onto glossies by 00. Cosmopolitan was just dreadful and always had very convoluted sex advice which would probably have required a ruler, protractor, and compass to determine where all the body parts were supposed to go. I never bothered. True story!

Gufo · 27/02/2021 13:46

I had such a crush on Steve - had forgotten his name until a poster upthread mentioned him and I googled. I had an artsy print of him stuck to my diary - Mizz had created a pack of 4 prints of different models as a giveaway!

JackieweaverhasALLtheauthority · 27/02/2021 13:46

This was the cover of yhe annual i got

Early Noughties teen mag ridiculousness
TheCrowening · 27/02/2021 13:45

@Snookie00

I loved them back in the day.

@HappyFourTeeth. I attended one of those VIP day things (god knows why). Found a photo recently of me with male model Steve who must have been about 18 and was clearly uncomfortable having to cuddle 14 year old girls. He was the heartthrob at the time and all my mates adored. Found out that he managed to forge a decent career and is now an actor - Steve John Shephard. Apparently he’s been in Eastenders and other stuff. I still remember him as a gangly but beautiful man of my 14yo dreams.

I’m pretty sure Vernon Kay got his break modelling for Mizz or More. I remember seeing his photos. Didn’t get the what the fuss was about then, either.
TheCrowening · 27/02/2021 13:43

@Respectmyauthoritah

I remember one of the sex tips from More was to hum while giving a blowjob. Apparently the vibrations from your throat would 'enhance his pleasure'. To this day, when I picture some poor women giving an enthusiastic blowjob that sounds like a swarm of bees it still gives me the giggles!
Someone somewhere must’ve given this advice to boys too. I remember one man going down on me and humming tunelessly as he got into it. I cracked up. Took us both right out of the moment 😂😂😂 he told me that he thought it’d feel better.
PatchworkElmer · 27/02/2021 13:42

This thread is making me so nostalgic! Good times.

JackieweaverhasALLtheauthority · 27/02/2021 13:40

As a teenagr i also used to buy cosmopolitan. This was in the days when marcelle d'argy smith was the editor and i remember lots of articles about how to ask for a pay rise. I thought i would end up a copywriter, driving a red bmw by the time o was 26.
Alas, i did not!🤣

hansgrueber · 27/02/2021 13:39

@IndecentFeminist

I remember being told that you had to make something your signature that a boy wouldn't forget. Like a 'pillar box red lipstick' or a beret. Word for word. Amazing.
I am too old for most of these soft porn magazines of the 70s and 80s but I do recall when we were chatting in a group my late OH said that one of my best features was that I could carry 6 pints at once and knew how to score a cricket match!!
Twizbe · 27/02/2021 13:39

I loved these magazines. I was a teen in the 90s.

What stands out to me is the smell of them. They often had a smell sample of the latest impulse body spray ...

Pukkatea · 27/02/2021 13:39

They always referred to boys as either 'your crush' or 'your steady'.

Ladywinesalot · 27/02/2021 13:39

Hey remember More Mag and position of the fortnight?

I was buying at 13 & 14!

Boys had their porn Mags, girls had More Confused

Bagamoyo1 · 27/02/2021 13:39

@WeeDangerousSpike

Oh god, I'd forgotten the magazines!

What was the one that was sex obsessed?? I'd borrow a friend's copy or very rarely buy one, read it, and throw it away before I got home so my DM wouldn't see it!

It was awful, really made out that all teenagers were having sex constantly, and you were really uncool and had something wrong with you if you weren't!

Marie Claire!
JackieweaverhasALLtheauthority · 27/02/2021 13:37

I bought myself a 1984 jackie annual a while back for the nostalgia and it was so funny! The photo stories and problems were all fab but omg, the articles were literally all about boys. What boys think of you, how to handle boys....which was tips on dealing with sex pests bsicslly!

Stopcollaborateandlisten77 · 27/02/2021 13:34

Do the kids and teens still have magazines these days? I only just stopped reading them myself a few years back. Was still into Marie Claire, Company, Ok, Red etc...since having a child, I’ve not purchased a single one! I used to love buying a huge stack and leafing through them.

Thirtyrock39 · 27/02/2021 13:34

I actually think teenagers today miss out not having such an interest in these type of magazines. I got some really good advice about skin care and haircuts etc from just 17 and the problem page was really brilliant. Everything that you wouldn't want your teenagers to google now such as 'what actually is a blow job ?' You'd get really frank and honest answers rather than being linked to some porn site that you'd get if you typed that onto a search engine,
Plus they would have 'real' girls in them it wasn't all filters and kardashians it had to be seen as achievable
I used to love reading my little sisters sugar and bliss when I came home from uni - what was the love story with Dylan on the back page? That was great

kwiksavenofrillsusername · 27/02/2021 13:33

The stupidest hair hack was washing your hair with coke. I’m still not sure what that was meant to achieve. I also followed the common advice to put lemon juice in your hair and sit in the sun for DIY highlights. Surprisingly, it didn’t work on my dark brown hair.

I went to a girls’ school, and we’d all pass around these magazines, learning tips on how to make ourselves more attractive and mysterious to boys. My parents didn’t mind me buying More magazine, so I was a hero, sharing it around the classroom. I remember one article about hairstyles and they had a panel of boys to rate them. Unsurprisingly, they liked the long blonde hair and disliked the short, dyed haircuts. So much stuff about what boys want. Yuck.

I miss magazines though. Phone scrolling just isn’t the same, and you don’t get the free goodies! I used to love the summer issues where you’d get a shit beach bag or flip flops, or you’d get gifts like trashy novels or clumpy mascaras.

LeonaV · 27/02/2021 13:33

I LOVED LOVED LOVED magazines and would save my babysitting earnings to buy My Guy, Catch, More, Just 17, Smash Hits (for New Kids on the Block or Bros posters obviously lol). I was bullied terribly by my so called friend at school and honestly, as cheesy and terrible as they were, they made me feel less alone as a lonely teenager with terrible clothes.

My absolute favourite was the centre spread in Catch that showed girls on nights out from night clubs around the country and aaanything that demonstrated the clothes and make up you needed for going from the office to the club (I was about 15 lmao). Strangely, this issue has not really come up. I also couldn’t get enough of a Day in the Life of a Model features. Oh my poor little younger self lol.

Kissingspines · 27/02/2021 13:31

More late 90s was Minx magazine, where the articles were either about things that were “pants” or encouraging casual sex - with not a mention of possible unwanted pregnancies or STD’s.