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Original poster

Early Noughties teen mag ridiculousness

665 replies

SmidgenofaPigeon · 27/02/2021 10:21

Does anyone remember the little nuggets if totally ridiculous advice they’d give you in teen magazines?

I used to be an avid reader of Shout! magazine. The main goal of these magazines seemed to be being popular and having boys notice you obviously, and were filled with totally mad tips on how to achieve these things and not be a ‘geek’ who wasn’t interested. Which is totally inappropriate advice these days, happily.

I remember one was ‘if you are invited to a party, arrive late and leave early! You are a social butterfly who has had to squeeze the party in between other engagements’

Happily I HAD been invited to a party in my local pub function room that very weekend! I spent a long time applying glitter hair mascara to my fringe to make it clump together attractively (why) and I think I even had on one of those fetching skirt with trousers combos with a vest top from Tammy girl. I got my dad to drive round the block a bit so I could try to be late, but it didn’t take very long and I think I turned up at ten minutes after the start time. I had a few dances to All Saints and Steps and drank a couple of cans of Coke and an hour before it was due to finish, I did a big show of having to rush off.

Now, we lived in a very small town. There was NO WAY any other parties were happening on the same night. But desperately trying to stick to my social butterfly narrative I said goodbye and off I went.

I sat round the corner in the bus shelter until it was time to get picked up. While everyone else was having a nice time at the party Confused

What a knob! When I got to school on the Monday everyone was saying it was rude to leave the party early and I felt like such an idiot.

Can anyone remember any more of the ridiculous things they used to spout in these magazines? I’d love to get my hands one now as I think it would be hilarious Grin

OP posts:
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PhylisNightsIsAwesome · 27/02/2021 20:42

@Sammysquiz

*I think Zoe was going out with Jake, but kissed Lucas. Ben(?) was blind and was Zoe's brother. He had an alarm clock that you could tap and it would speak out the time. Amazing. I think Zoe wrote sayings she liked on post-it notes and put them up in her bedroom. I did this for a while too.*

Yes that’s right!! It’s all coming flooding back. There was a quirky girl called Nina (I think) and she fancied Ben. She used to just put unlit cigarettes in her mouth but never actually light them & I found this very intriguing Hmm
I think Nina was sister to aloof Claire the weather-lover.

Yup that's right, Nina was Claire's sister and loved unlit doggies and Axl Rose. Ben was Zoey's brother. Ben dated Nina, Aisha and Chris, the only black kids, were a couple. Claire drove the car in the accident, killing Wade, and Lucas got blamed for it.
peachgreen · 27/02/2021 20:40

@PerpetualStudent yes! Wasn't it, like, pink underneath with a silver "slip" over the top? Amazing.

peachgreen · 27/02/2021 20:39

The only problem with the Diary of a Crush books is that all the references have been updated to late 00s ones. So she's wearing Mac Ruby Woo instead of Rimmel Heather Shimmer and listening to The Strokes instead of Belle and Sebastian 😢

PhylisNightsIsAwesome · 27/02/2021 20:38

@andmeee

I remember when Sugar magazine released a series of books that had titles such as "my boyfriend is old enough to be my dad". I think another one was about a girl who concealed a pregnancy, I had them all and thought they were amazing!!

Love this thread, it has brought back so many memories!

I remember those books. There was a really sad one about a girl with a new boyfriend and the beginnings of an eating disorder called Will He Love Me If I'm Thin?
PerpetualStudent · 27/02/2021 20:28

PSA: thanks to this thread I’ve just discovered you can get the Diary of a Crush books on kindle. I’m gutted I didn’t keep the copies that came with J17 back in the day, I used to love them so much. I can still remember all the details of the dress Eddie wore to that club in Paris - silver trainers, slip dress from some cool Parisian thrift shop, and tonnes of glitter (obvs) Grin

andmeee · 27/02/2021 20:28

I remember when Sugar magazine released a series of books that had titles such as "my boyfriend is old enough to be my dad". I think another one was about a girl who concealed a pregnancy, I had them all and thought they were amazing!!

Love this thread, it has brought back so many memories!

Sammysquiz · 27/02/2021 20:25

I think Zoe was going out with Jake, but kissed Lucas. Ben(?) was blind and was Zoe's brother. He had an alarm clock that you could tap and it would speak out the time. Amazing.
I think Zoe wrote sayings she liked on post-it notes and put them up in her bedroom. I did this for a while too.

Yes that’s right!! It’s all coming flooding back. There was a quirky girl called Nina (I think) and she fancied Ben. She used to just put unlit cigarettes in her mouth but never actually light them & I found this very intriguing Hmm
I think Nina was sister to aloof Claire the weather-lover.

nevernotstruggling · 27/02/2021 20:19

@PhylisNightsIsAwesome

Speaking of the Zoey Tools Around books and Diary of a Crush, does anyone remember Diving In by Kate cann about a girl named Collette and her pushy boyfriend? Organza freebie with I think Bliss or J17?
Omg I bought every one of the zoey series I loved them!!!
MidSummersNightmare · 27/02/2021 20:14

@StanfordPines
Vernon ? was in lots of them.

StanfordPines · 27/02/2021 20:11

What lad was it who was in a photo story in My Guy or such like who was later famous?

itssquidstella · 27/02/2021 20:09

@PlinkPlink omg I had the daisy anklet!

Spidder · 27/02/2021 20:08

I met a 'lush lad' on holiday at 13. I was not a natural flirt, but decided this would the place to learn. Based on some sterling advice from j17, I decided to be a bit cheeky and daring, so I pushed him in the pool.

Fully dressed.

He was...nonplussed and his mum was like ,wtf?

I gave up on flirting after that.

Okbussitout · 27/02/2021 20:04

@Tnuc

I remember one about a girl who was embarrassed about smelling, and it being so bad that other people in school were noticing.

The expert response was that the girl must have left a tampon in, and the advice was to "fish around in there" to remove said tampon.

Because that's literally the only possible cause.

Jesus this is horrifying! I feel like if you had left a tampon in long enough to have a long term smell you'd surely have tts or sepsis?!

Are teen mags much of a thing now? I'd hope they are more responsible if they are?

jackieweaverhasauthority · 27/02/2021 19:58

Which mag had Grace Dent giving sex tips?

PhylisNightsIsAwesome · 27/02/2021 19:58

Speaking of the Zoey Tools Around books and Diary of a Crush, does anyone remember Diving In by Kate cann about a girl named Collette and her pushy boyfriend? Organza freebie with I think Bliss or J17?

Stealthynamechange · 27/02/2021 19:57

Me too 😂

I think following might be significantly increased from this thread.

Thanks op great thread 😍😍

HappyFourTeeth · 27/02/2021 19:56

@Snookie00

Old Malc/Cass has aged pretty well 😋

PhylisNightsIsAwesome · 27/02/2021 19:49

had no dosh*

MeowPurrGrr · 27/02/2021 19:48

@demelza82

There is a great Instagram account called 90steenmagazinearchiveuk that I really recommend for those that are nostalgic
I’ve just followed this account, it’s AMAZING! Thanks Smile
PhylisNightsIsAwesome · 27/02/2021 19:48

@Mrsfrumble

This thread is amazing! So many happy memories of my 90s teen years. My mum used to buy Just 17 for me every Wednesday while I was school, and I remember hurrying home so that I could read my horoscope Grin

I remember most of the fashion being totally unobtainable as we didn’t have a Topshop, Miss Selfridge or H&M in our town, so I had to make do with BHS which wasn’t quite the same. And I definitely couldn’t relate to the obsession with holiday romances. How was I ever going to meet a “lush lad” tramping round Anglesey in the rain with my parents and annoying brothers in tow? Any potential love interest would have scared off by my dad’s socks and Jesus sandals combo anyway.

The fashions were very London, really. Not much use if you lived elsewhere and spendthrift dosh. I remember loving the look of Johnny Loves Rosie hair accessories and grinding my teeth in frustration at their prices.

Cling film condom? Yes. I recall that one. Had to have been made up. Of course this was before internet trolling became a thing, so I guess trolls just trolled problem pages back then!

TheScurrilousFunge · 27/02/2021 19:44

I was a devotee of Mizz, Bliss, Sugar and Shout magazines, and dabbled in J17 and Cosmo Girl. There was another one, as well, that didn't last long but was cheaper than the others. I can't remember its name, but I can still picture the title's sans serif font!

I loved the Spooky pages in Mizz, which were full of obviously invented, contrived encounters with 'the paranormal'. And Bliss did something similar - it was about ouija boards and my mum banned me from reading it for ages because of that!

FlorenceOfBelgravia · 27/02/2021 19:42

Yes, the obsession with holiday romances! Had me convinced I was going to have a romantic tryst whilst on holiday in Butlin’s with my mum and nan Grin

Snooks1971 · 27/02/2021 19:35

This is a brilliant thread!

I’m sorry I haven’t RTFT, only to page 5 but I remember reading Just 17 when I was 15/16 and Jane Goldman was working there. The editorials in the first couple of pages (?) always had a bit of a gossipy mention of her going out with Jonathan Ross (she was 17 I think, he was waaaaay older at 27...and just starting his TV career)

The whole thing seemed so amazingly glamorous and so bloody LONDON. Here was I, a year or 2 younger than Jane Goldman, living in a poxy village and getting the bus to school everyday, Saturday job in WHSmiths.

Gave me a bit of a wanderlust I think....

Snookie00 · 27/02/2021 19:30

@HappyFourTeeth. Malcolm/ Cassius. This is such a blast from the past

publicdescription.com/2015/12/07/malcolm-jeffries-perfect-timing/amp/

Mrsfrumble · 27/02/2021 19:29

This thread is amazing! So many happy memories of my 90s teen years. My mum used to buy Just 17 for me every Wednesday while I was school, and I remember hurrying home so that I could read my horoscope Grin

I remember most of the fashion being totally unobtainable as we didn’t have a Topshop, Miss Selfridge or H&M in our town, so I had to make do with BHS which wasn’t quite the same. And I definitely couldn’t relate to the obsession with holiday romances. How was I ever going to meet a “lush lad” tramping round Anglesey in the rain with my parents and annoying brothers in tow? Any potential love interest would have scared off by my dad’s socks and Jesus sandals combo anyway.