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Early Noughties teen mag ridiculousness

665 replies

SmidgenofaPigeon · 27/02/2021 10:21

Does anyone remember the little nuggets if totally ridiculous advice they’d give you in teen magazines?

I used to be an avid reader of Shout! magazine. The main goal of these magazines seemed to be being popular and having boys notice you obviously, and were filled with totally mad tips on how to achieve these things and not be a ‘geek’ who wasn’t interested. Which is totally inappropriate advice these days, happily.

I remember one was ‘if you are invited to a party, arrive late and leave early! You are a social butterfly who has had to squeeze the party in between other engagements’

Happily I HAD been invited to a party in my local pub function room that very weekend! I spent a long time applying glitter hair mascara to my fringe to make it clump together attractively (why) and I think I even had on one of those fetching skirt with trousers combos with a vest top from Tammy girl. I got my dad to drive round the block a bit so I could try to be late, but it didn’t take very long and I think I turned up at ten minutes after the start time. I had a few dances to All Saints and Steps and drank a couple of cans of Coke and an hour before it was due to finish, I did a big show of having to rush off.

Now, we lived in a very small town. There was NO WAY any other parties were happening on the same night. But desperately trying to stick to my social butterfly narrative I said goodbye and off I went.

I sat round the corner in the bus shelter until it was time to get picked up. While everyone else was having a nice time at the party Confused

What a knob! When I got to school on the Monday everyone was saying it was rude to leave the party early and I felt like such an idiot.

Can anyone remember any more of the ridiculous things they used to spout in these magazines? I’d love to get my hands one now as I think it would be hilarious Grin

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SallyCinnamon3009 · 27/02/2021 22:44

@MammaSchwifty

my teen mags were bit earlier, I liked Just17 (though it was a bit young for a 17 year old), Mizz, More (pure filth, that one), Cosmo (a bit old ladyish) and I can't remember what else. Yes, they were crappy, but I actually remember a lot of stuff in there that was positive. About how periods were normal, that discharge was normal, normalising aspects of puberty, that if you didn't want to do anything with a boy then you shouldn't, all about condoms, lots of stuff about sex and orgasms, that you should tell the boy what you wanted him to do, types of orgasms, how to get them.

In some ways they held your hand through puberty and gave the sort of advice not everyone gets from their mum (certainly no one gets all the stuff about oral sex and positions!!). Better than learning about sex through porn like so many do today Sad

And yes, boys seeing your sanitary products was up there as the #1 most embarrassing event of your young life. Although, I guess today that would be getting exposed through revenge porn or something similarly grim. again Sad

Yes!!! This is How I remember teen mags of the mid 90s! I loved Just 17 but it wasn't as good when they changed it to monthly. I used to hoard them and wish I'd never thrown them away now!

Does anyone remember how the problem page in Just 17 had that little tag line "to be sussed is a must, but sex under 16 is illegal"

Loved the true life stories normally about some girl getting pregnant or snorting one line of coke and ending up in rehab

tobee · 27/02/2021 22:22

I've bought (adult) dd many of the annuals of these mags (and other decades ones) from eBay. You can get them quite reasonably if you scout about a bit!

ZenNudist · 27/02/2021 22:12

I have never stopped to think about how bad those magazines were. Also very heterosexual. That would not go down (ha) well now.

There's much more varied stuff for teens to be into now. Rather than endless makeup boys and sex.

I used to read more and mizz but not J17, thought it babyish. I don't think we tried the positions ever. I do remember more was very helpful about contraception and STDs. Very educational in that respect. I remember the advice to use condoms for STDs as well as the pill. Pretty sound advice really.

BitOfFun · 27/02/2021 22:08

My best friend's older brother (the dark-haired one) was in a photo shoot for My Guy. I'm afraid to say that I still have a bit of a crush on him!

SenecaTrewe · 27/02/2021 21:44

to be sussed is a must, but sex under 16 is illegal!

I remember this!! I always used to think "chance would be a fine thing..." whenever I read it.

TrufflyPig · 27/02/2021 21:42

I remember the frosted pink lip gloss on the front of one issue of shout

This was my look circa 1998! Bloody kids these days with their contour kits 😂😂😂

skeggycaggy · 27/02/2021 21:40

Yes to the holiday romance! I used to go to self catering cottage in Cornwall with my family for long cliff walks to deserted beaches, I read the ‘what to pack’ sort of features with feelings of inadequacy Grin

And yes to the stuff featured that you couldn’t even buy in the provinces!

TheAnswerIsCake · 27/02/2021 21:38

I love this thread... so many memories! Someone mentioned the pink detangling comb that came with Shout... I’m pretty sure it was with something like the second ever issue in about 1992. At the age of 41, I still have mine!

J17 was my favourite, although the language they used was irritating. “Boyf” in particular. And they also used “spesh” instead of special and “natch” which took me longer than it should have to work out meant “naturally”. I remember J17 confidential was the sex problem page, with Annabel G, who had a saying that went “to be sussed is a must, but sex under 16 is illegal!”

My parents found a few boxes of my old teen magazines in their loft a few years ago and I managed to sell a few. Some copies of TV Hits made over £10 each, and I had what was apparently a “rare” copy of Smash Hits that a collector bought for £35!

RapunzelHadExtensions · 27/02/2021 21:38

Great thread!
You can buy back copies! I didna time machine for my DSIS 30th recently and bought Mizz and Shout off here. What an absolute treat.

www.magazinecollectors.co.uk/womens-magazines-mizz-magazine-c-2379_2386.html

CaffeineAndCrochet · 27/02/2021 21:34

@Sammysquiz

*I think Zoe was going out with Jake, but kissed Lucas. Ben(?) was blind and was Zoe's brother. He had an alarm clock that you could tap and it would speak out the time. Amazing. I think Zoe wrote sayings she liked on post-it notes and put them up in her bedroom. I did this for a while too.*

Yes that’s right!! It’s all coming flooding back. There was a quirky girl called Nina (I think) and she fancied Ben. She used to just put unlit cigarettes in her mouth but never actually light them & I found this very intriguing Hmm
I think Nina was sister to aloof Claire the weather-lover.

Yep - Nina liked the look of smoking cigarettes but was allergic to smoke or something. Nina and Benjamin ended up getting together. There's one book where it's revealed that Nina had been abused by her uncle when she was a child - which I actually thought was well-written.
BitOfFun · 27/02/2021 21:30

Oh, and a friend of mine confessed to doing that "minty zing to drive him wild" thing, i.e. give him a blow job with your mouth full of Listerine...

The night ended in A&E with the skin peeling off his penis Shock.

DemolitionBarbie · 27/02/2021 21:26

I don't remember anything specific about these but for some reason the profile pic of agony aunt Anita Naik is etched into my mind.

I just googled it and she looks like she could be a young trendy now. She was always talking about periods the whole time.

Allmyarseandpeggymartin · 27/02/2021 21:22

Ha! I’ve just googled 90s shout magazine on eBay - Jesus they are worth a fortune these days!

I love the true life story on this one - “I used to be a SIZE 18!!”

Clearly THE worst thing you could be in 1994.

Early Noughties teen mag ridiculousness
PhylisNightsIsAwesome · 27/02/2021 21:20

[quote Lovingcup]@PhylisNightsIsAwesome yes I loved the Kate Cann books, I think the boyfriend was called Art maybe?[/quote]
Yes, his name was Art and his best friend was Mark, IIRC

gingganggooleywotsit · 27/02/2021 21:18

I loved just 17! Just had a look on eBay you can buy stacks of them for a few pounds, how funny

Lovingcup · 27/02/2021 21:18

@PhylisNightsIsAwesome yes I loved the Kate Cann books, I think the boyfriend was called Art maybe?

BitOfFun · 27/02/2021 21:14

@feistyoneyouare:

I also remember the feature where they stopped people on the street and asked them where they bought their clothes. I always thought most of them looked incredibly cool and nothing like I ever looked, being someone who took a while to find my way style-wise.

I actually got stopped in the street by Girl magazine! I think they were less than impressed when I told them C&A and Ethel Austin Grin.

PhylisNightsIsAwesome · 27/02/2021 21:14

@tobee

Are equivalent magazines still like this today? I'm so ancient I don't even know the titles!
No idea. I don't know anyone that age group to ask, either!
MammaSchwifty · 27/02/2021 21:08

Been checking out that Instagram, bloody hell, the prices of the clothes! it's what you'd pay now, 25 years later! no wonder I couldn't afford fashion and wore second hand, market bargains, and gear off the army surplus market stalls (the latter worked for my 1990s indie/rock/grunge ladette thing)

tobee · 27/02/2021 21:04

Are equivalent magazines still like this today? I'm so ancient I don't even know the titles!

bourbonne · 27/02/2021 21:03

Ah, Shona! The wise older friend. Not like Mia, the frenemy.

I believe Sarra Manning was inadvertently responsible for the whole "sundress with Converse" trend that blighted so many young lives. I remember that line like it was yesterday!

PerpetualStudent · 27/02/2021 20:54

[quote peachgreen]@PerpetualStudent yes! Wasn't it, like, pink underneath with a silver "slip" over the top? Amazing.[/quote]
Yes! I’ve just scanned through to check - turns out I was conflating two dresses in my memory, one she wears to get into a club:

“Half an hour later, I was wearing Shona’s long, silky black Chinese dress with the slits up the side, my hair was twisted and pinned up and the glitter on my face made me look all eyes and cheekbones. ‘Edie, you are not wearing your Converses,’ protested Trent. ‘I forbid it.’ ‘No, the Converses are OK,’ insisted Nat. ‘Any other footwear would just be too much.’”

And one she buys from an otherwise all-pink boutique on her birthday:

“But the slip dress in the window was mostly black. It seemed to be made of silk and was edged with pink broderie anglaise, including the tiny shoestring, shoulder straps.”

I think I’ve internalised the desire to be ‘all glitter, eyes and cheekbones’ to this day TBH Grin

PhylisNightsIsAwesome · 27/02/2021 20:49

[quote peachgreen]@PerpetualStudent yes! Wasn't it, like, pink underneath with a silver "slip" over the top? Amazing.[/quote]
Edie had great clothes. I was jealous of that, and her thin frame and blonde hair! I do have the green eyes but mine aren't big!

PhylisNightsIsAwesome · 27/02/2021 20:46

@peachgreen

The only problem with the Diary of a Crush books is that all the references have been updated to late 00s ones. So she's wearing Mac Ruby Woo instead of Rimmel Heather Shimmer and listening to The Strokes instead of Belle and Sebastian 😢
I HATE when books get bowdlerised like this! They been doing it to Enid Blyton too. apparently children these days are too delicate to read names like Dick or Fanny. Hmm

It is very patronising to young people. If they don't understand what a shilling is, or they have never heard of a certain band, they can Google it!

Therarestone · 27/02/2021 20:44

OK this is my favourite ever thread. All the memories Grin