What my DD told nursery - make me feel better please

Oh and my sister told her teacher that she had to sleep in a cupboard.

SS referral made. My mother gleefully showed the SW the small double bedroom that was my sister's. Forever afterwards known as the cupboard. To the great confusion of guests who had been told they were "sleeping in the cupboard" and were then shown to a proper bedroom.

I work with kids. I have heard so many of these.

However, I was talking animatedly to my friend on day when her daughter ran over to me for a hug. Unfortunately this was just at the moment I throw my hand out in an expansive gesture. There was hand - face contact.

24hrs later friend's daughter had a cracking black eye and took great delight in telling everyone (teachers/ bus drivers/ their next door neighbour) that "opinionated hit me".

Fortunately her mother had pre-empted this by calling the school and explaining what had happened and said that it was a clearly witnessed incident and she had no concerns...

My Mum likes to frequently remind me of the time I didn’t want to make a Father’s day craft.

I said I couldn’t, when pressed why I simply responded ‘Daddy’s dead’. He wasn’t and apparently it was a very awkward conversation for all when they called to double check.

*neck

My mum always tells the story when I was younger we had a house full of fireman for some reason I’m thinking gas leak maybe I know it wasn’t a fire and I went put my arms up to be picked up to every fireman and called them daddy I was about 2 she had never got over it

My mum had to go into my school when I was around 9. We had recently got a kitten which had instantly bonded with me and used to suckle on my next at night which 9 year old me thought was wonderful. My mum basically had to explain to the head that my love bites were from a cat and nothing else.

Mine tells them that I don’t make him wash his hands or brush his teeth when he’s at home

I used to get a school bus to and from primary as it was in a rural area.

In about year 1 we had been learning about stranger danger. My uncle who doesn't often visit came to meet me off the bus, I shouted "stranger, stranger! i don't know you!"

Point blank refused to go with him. My horrified neighbours took me home until my (raging) parents come to collect me a little while later!

My brother told school that daddy kills people, takes off their skins and puts them in the freezer

We had the police / forensics / social workers the whole nine yards.

He thought rabbits were people too. Dad did a spot of shooting in the farmers field for extra cash and split half the kill with the farmer

He was about 5 at the time.

At a story telling session, the story teller asked my son if the man sitting next to me was his dad.
He replied in an outdoor voice 'he's not my dad, I don't have a dad (he does) then even louder and SHE'S NOT MARRIED

DD told her teacher she had pot noodle everyday for dinner as we had no more food.

There was a young girl about 19 called Louise, working at my son's after school club when he was about 4 or 5. She was his favourite keyworker and I said in the car on the way home one night that she seemed lovely and I'm glad he liked her.

Next day, apparantly he shouted to her across the whole room that my daddy told me last night that he's in love with Louise!!

She never ever spoke to me again in the next 5 years he went there - apparantly all the other staff took the piss out of her - I was old enough to be her dad!! but I couldn't explain it without making it sound worse!

@dontdribble

That's amazing 🤣🤣🤣

Mine said my husband sliced him 🤣🤣🤣

He fell on his plane toy

So many stories i could share. When one of our daughters was around that age banged her head we think in nursery. Bruse developed during the day, staff asked her how she did it and she happily told them daddy did it. Inevitably and correctly they asked me when I collected if it was possible. Luckily it was easy ax my husband was away for work so wasy to prove it couldn't have been him.

What??! @LisaLemon I was enjoying this thread and found it mostly funny until I got to your comment. What on earth is wrong with displaying healthy emotions in front of your children? Please, feel free to elaborate.

I used to fit car seats. A little boy poked my bum whilst I was bent over. I made a joke and said 'ooh did you just poke my bottom?'
He said 'no it was my daddy!' The dad went bright red as people walking past had heard. I thought it was hilarious

My 4 year old is the worst for making up stories like this. I remember him telling me that my brother had hit me so my dad had hit my brother. Never happened. He also insisted that my dad had hit me. My dad is the gentlest man I've ever met and due to Parkinson's cannot even hold a cup of tea, so unlikely to hit me .

It does work both ways though as he also told me that his teacher told him that all girls are stinky .

DS in his work book I read at parents evening span a gripping yarn in which he drank my blood and was taken to hospital.

All true. A gruesome breastfeeding story I didn't really want to be sharing with the teacher in explanation.

I used to play in a friendly poker game once a fortnight and as it was in the next village I stayed over with my friend and his wife who were both workmates. One of my DDs better moments of parental embarrassment was when she brought home a picture she had drawn in school. It had me, friend and friend's wife all holding hands beside a big bed and a speech bubble saying "Let's play poke her". DDs teacher had clearly seen it as she had put a smiley face on it and a comment along the lines of "That looks like fun, lovely picture DD".

My DD1 convinced her teacher and the head that we were emigrating to Australia. It went on for months and only stopped because her teacher asked how the visa was going. How they thought an unemployed single parent family with 4 children could manage that I have no clue.

I went to collect DGS up from Nursery, I told them who I was, they spoke to him and he said no. They locked me in the porch then rang his mum. They'd asked him if I was his grandma - no I'm not. I'm his Nona. Asked him if I was Nona, 'yeah, she's my mummies mum'.