What my DD told nursery - make me feel better please

One of my dds told nursery mummy gave her tequila for lunch, it was tomato soup

My nearly 2 year old has refused to say 90% of the words I've been trying to teach him. The one time I dropped something and involuntarily muttered "shit!" and he overheard? Yep, he walks around bellowing "SHIT!" at any opportunity now. In the middle of town, at nursery, at his Grandparents', everywhere. It has caused many raised eyebrows.

My youngest told nursery that I had a baby in my tummy. I didn’t but I wonder how long they were waiting for an announcement before they definitely believed me.

My dd who is 3 has to give her feelings each day at nursery she is always sad or angry and the only one. Because her mummy gives her into big trouble, mummy shouts at her all the time, mummy makes her cry and daddy sends her to her room

Fwiw she rules the roost in our house and never gets in trouble... Might have to start

My da told his teacher I hit him in the head with his book and as we left the house that morning.

I did.

Except I opened the door with his book bag in the same hand and he misjudged how low he needed to duck as he ran under my arm and out into the garden.

In a special school I taught at one of the boys told me all about the motorbike accident his uncle had had and about the ambulance coming. When his parents came in the next day for a meeting I asked how his uncle was and they were very confused. We eventually worked out that the boy had been playing with the car set with his uncle and it was part of the game. Considering the young boy had severe learning difficulties we were all incredibly impressed with his story telling ability!

Teacher friend had a child in her Reception class who had a very newborn sibling. Child came in one morning and told her the baby had died. I can't remember whether somebody phoned the mum or whether they waited until home time but it was all made up and the baby was fine!

I got to the nursery one day to find all the staff totally agog. Why hadn't I told them DH and I were divorcing? Um, because we're not, where did you get that idea? All eyes, including mine, turn to little Miss 4. . .

When my DC was about 3 I gently tapped him on the head with my finger to get his attention while he was sitting in the trolley at the supermarket. He screamed "DON'T HIT ME AGAIN MUMMY!!!" and burst into tears

One of mine on his first day at school came home and said mummy please don't send me again. The teacher had no clothes on all day!

If there's a geniune reason why an adult is upset it's fine for their children to see their emotion if it's explained age appropriately

My son was unusually quiet after nursery one day. I was worried about him so asked him if everything was alright and if someone was upsetting him. He told me yes something was happening. I asked my poor unhappy child what was upsetting him, he told "Papa a boy is punching me in the face". I picked my now crying son up and held him in my arms and looked for his bruises. As I did so I said to him "tell me son who is the boy, it's okay, don't worry you won't be in trouble". Through his tears my son looked at me told me weakly "Papa, the boy punching me in the face is Brucie Bogtrotter".

When there was the terrible tsunami on Boxing Day my daughters school had a special assembly incase the children had been upset by the graphic news reports. They asked the children if they wanted to talk about anything and my quiet shy child stood up in front of the whole school and announced her grandparents had been killed in the tsunami. They hadn't even been on holiday.

I had the school on the phone to ask why I hadn't warned them. Then all the children went home and told their parents so I had phonecalls from them too.

Kids get you in shit all the time. My youngest has told many a wild tale, I’ve even been pulled in to the nursery office for a welfare check

Once she said that her daddy set fire to the house and the police and fire men came and her daddy got put in jail - not true!

Her latest is ( and she is four now) that when she was called Sophie and a little girl ( her name isn’t Sophie) her grandma with the funny stick was washing the pots up in the kitchen and some one come in and shot her in her legs

She is in bed for seven every night and does not watch adult tv! No idea where she gets it from

I had a call recently about a mark on my 3 year olds arm. Apparently she had told them our dog had bitten her. In actual fact it was strawberry birth mark that was fading!

I wrote that for Christmas "we ate scraps and daddy was in the pub as usual"
Scraps = M&S buffet
Pub = landlord....

Buffet is still known as scraps

We spent some time looking at baby pictures including scans, explained to my DD (probably around 6/7) about how big she was in scan, she said I can’t be in your belly with that food, so explained that babies are in a special bag of fluid to keep them safe etc in a child friendly way, her next photos were here in special care we had quite a bad time and she flatlined twice, I explained again in a child friendly way as not to scare her that she was very poorly and the doctors made her better and we are so glad because now she’s here etc.

Fast forward concerned teacher, hello spongebob, your daughter said something today that I’d like to discuss with you and the head if you could make your way to the office. Little sponge said when I was baby my mum put me in a black bag but a doctor made me better and that’s why I’m here. I explained what happened and they were fine, had a little chuckle.

Ds came home from school with a little bruise on his face. I mentioned it in his communication book and asked what happened because his face was fine that morning.
The teacher read it and asked ds what happened. Ds told the teacher that his daddy hit him with a hammer.

Obviously in no way true, and if it had been, he wouldn't have just a tiny bruise! The school phoned me because they have to.
Anyway. The next week the school did a whole topic about lying and why it's not to be done.

I witnessed a mugging last year. The police officer took an initial verbal statement on his body worn video, and DS and his dad stayed in another room when I did it. It was terrifically exciting for DS to have a uniformed officer in the house having a coffee. Later had to explain to the school about 'the police coming around to see mummy, and daddy being told to stay away from her in the other room'.

Also, I once told DS off for being naughty and he went into nursery the next day and announced "Mummy murdered me".

DD1 told her reception teacher that Daddy likes to go into her bedroom at night!

Yeah, to read her a story. She missed that bit off

I don't remember this well, but as a young child whenever someone visited the house mum would make them a cup of tea/coffee. At about four I started saying 'and she didn't put any poison in I promise you.'

There were many cups of tea left to go cold and the piano tuner pretended he had retired rather than come back after I followed him to the piano and prattled on about how he was definitely too nice to poison and bury in the garden.

In the 1970’s I told my teacher that my mum was a prostitute, that my dad had changed her, but my granny still a prostitute. She was a Protestant who converted to Catholicism.
My sister said my mum was lazy and always sitting down. She had just had a hysterectomy.
My brother said she was always getting in police cars and being taken to the police station. She worked in the police canteen and would often be given a lift to work.
How she showed her face at the school I will never know.