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Original poster

To try and recreate a Christmas market in my back garden.

213 replies

Namechabged · 27/11/2020 23:26

All I’ve got so far is an extension lead so I can plug a slow cooker and a microwave in outside, and taking £100 out of the cash machine. I’m thinking I sling four bottles of Aldi mulled wine and some sliced oranges in the slow cooker and charging myself £7 deposit for a mug and £6 for a top up, and then mircrowaving some hotdogs and doughnuts and Nutella and charging £6 for them too. I haven’t got any further than that but welcome ideas.

OP posts:
DeeandraReynolds · 28/11/2020 08:24

@anotherwinkywinkybumbum

What Christmas markets have you all been too?!? They all sound so classy. Wink
Oh God no, not classy in the slightest! Quite the reverse. Like a war zone with Wham and Santa hats.
anotherwinkywinkybumbum · 28/11/2020 08:21

What Christmas markets have you all been too?!? They all sound so classy. Wink

DeeandraReynolds · 28/11/2020 08:18

Yanbu op. This all sounds magical. Quite the winter wonderland.

I strongly endorse the suggestions of getting drunk and aggressive early in the day and then falling into yourself and your family. The heaviest family member should drunkenly step on everyone's ankles. I'm not sure how you will recreate the specific, overcrowded, post apocalyptic vibe... but sludgey terrain, swearing and aggression will definitely help.

Can you somehow rig up a number of fairground rides, (space allowing), which look as if they would kill a grown man? They must be staffed by extremely surly elves.

Mulled apple juice is a lovely alcohol free alternative to mulled wine. You should use a sachet of mulled juice spice from a budget supermarket, mixed with water from a large boiler. Make no effort to disguise this to the customer as you prepare their beverage. Charge them a minimum of £7.50. Anything else just isn't Christmassy.

DonLewis · 28/11/2020 08:12

Hire a pick pocket?

berryfull · 28/11/2020 08:12

Turn on the hose and spray a light drizzle all over your dark at 4pm garden, play Mariah Carey really loud and weep.

ShaunaTheSheep · 28/11/2020 08:11

Get the paddling pool out, add a splash of water, and treat yourself to ice skating for £17.50.

AlwaysLatte · 28/11/2020 07:57

Make sure you organise/buy all of the above then cancel it at the last minute due to Covid (don't worry, you can do it again at Easter)

MrsKingfisher · 28/11/2020 07:52

Don't forget the wood carvings £25 for 3 small bits of wood with 'Merry Christmas' burnt into them and the cellophane funnels with cheap hot chocolate powder and mini marshmallows on top all tied up with red ribbon with boggle eyes and red dot to look like Rudolph.

But if you really want to push the boat out, hog roast, stuffing and apple sauce.

ivfbabymomma1 · 28/11/2020 07:50

But some baubles from Poundland and a marker and charge £15 to write people's names on them

ReallySpicyCurry · 28/11/2020 07:47

You need a tiny nun who will try to flog you painted angel Christmas decorations and who will bless passing babies. There's one at our Christmas Market every year, and I buy an angel every year - going to miss her this year

ipswichwitch · 28/11/2020 07:46

Remember to put everything you buy in those super flimsy blue carrier bags that split halfway back to the car.

TreadLightly3 · 28/11/2020 07:42

This is brilliant 😂😂

@LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett tea light holders that make things go round 🤣🤣🤣

Katkincake · 28/11/2020 07:35

Don't forget to turn your shed into a Bierkeller with security on the door. Use more mannequins in Xmas jumpers and sexy Santa outfits to form a queue that moves so slowly that it only lets 1 person in per hour.

OfTheNight · 28/11/2020 07:32

Don’t forget the stall with the clocks and coasters made out of old records and CDs!! Get some strawberry chocolate kebabs on the go for £6 a pop. Can you some how simulate being squashed in by a huge crowd?

OverTheRainbow88 · 28/11/2020 07:21

You need a singing and dancing head moose!

OverTheRainbow88 · 28/11/2020 07:20

Empty need a singing and dancing moose head!!

puppygalore · 28/11/2020 04:13

Oops!

Which smells great but up close is actually a few old terrible prawns mingled with sad salami. Everyone immediately gets food poisoning.

puppygalore · 28/11/2020 04:12

Don't forget to get some tiny, tiny mugs for the £8 mulled wine or hot chocolate to go in. But you can keep it as a delightful souvenir! Also have something random cooking, like paella, wh

BullshitVivienne · 28/11/2020 03:58

Make sure there are no bins so the floor is full of disposable plastic cups that crunch underfoot as you make your way round.

Buy some chutneys that you'll never eat. Put in the cupboard to add dust and throw away in 5 years.

Itshissister · 28/11/2020 03:53

Dont forget to dress up at Father Christmas and charge yourself £15 for a photo!

DeeDimer · 28/11/2020 03:50

Can you get someone to pick pocket for that authentic feel?

GarethSouthgatesWaistcoat · 28/11/2020 03:30

2020 Festive Edition: Ensure a massive fight ensues between those complying with mask and social distancing regs and those who DGAF and jostle you (spilling your delightfully overpriced beverage in the process).

Badadabing · 28/11/2020 01:07

Don't forgot the magic starts before you even get to your Christmas market!
Park the car five streets away and charge yourself £10 for parking.

DougRossIsTheBoss · 28/11/2020 01:04

I think you are also going to need an artisanal Christmas card stall.

Should be easy enough to imitate as you just need some bits of card to which you can afix some random pics of robins and camels and some foil Merry Christmas stickers. If it looks like a 4 yr old made it (or indeed if a 4yr old really did make it) then so much the better.
5 pounds a piece. Extra for envelopes.

I do second putting your feet in a bowl of ice and maybe your hands too. I think there's nothing says Christmas market like frostbite and chilblains.

LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett · 28/11/2020 00:57

OP, I wish this was meet up net rather than Mumsnet because I think we could be really good friends in real life.

I do think though that you've forgotten the quite weird hat stall, the tea light holder makes things go round stall and the super-expensive soap stall. Don't let yourself down at the finish...

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