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Original poster

To try and recreate a Christmas market in my back garden.

213 replies

Namechabged · 27/11/2020 23:26

All I’ve got so far is an extension lead so I can plug a slow cooker and a microwave in outside, and taking £100 out of the cash machine. I’m thinking I sling four bottles of Aldi mulled wine and some sliced oranges in the slow cooker and charging myself £7 deposit for a mug and £6 for a top up, and then mircrowaving some hotdogs and doughnuts and Nutella and charging £6 for them too. I haven’t got any further than that but welcome ideas.

OP posts:
TheNestedIf · 28/11/2020 16:38

Make sure you hunt frantically round the garden for your DH, in the cold and the rain, clutching a phone with a dead battery, only to find him toasty warm and fairly tipsy over an hour later, cheerfully proclaiming "Oh, did you say meet me by the shed? I thought you said kitchen!"

StCharlotte · 28/11/2020 16:27

@ReallySpicyCurry

You need a tiny nun who will try to flog you painted angel Christmas decorations and who will bless passing babies. There's one at our Christmas Market every year, and I buy an angel every year - going to miss her this year
Not as much as she's going to miss you!
bobbikato · 28/11/2020 16:26

You also need to put a large sign next to the mulled wine saying " No Alcohol to be consumed beyond this point " and a jobsworth to enforce it it .And lot of arrows with "Santas Grotto " on them but make sure the curtained off corner of your garden has a closed sign on it .
Make sure all the stallholders can not speak a word of german .
Get your neighbour to put a Greggs -Open as Normal sign on his shed but make sure your fence has blocked off anyone from going to Greggs,said neighbour will also need to stand outside and stare at the lost trade .
Lastly Rain - lots of Rain all over the muddy electric cables .

taxiformum · 28/11/2020 16:19

@Tonkerbea

Best thread of 2020?
It gets my vote!! 😂
MrsKingfisher · 28/11/2020 16:15

[quote UpTheLaganInABubble]This is a fairly accurate representation of the Belfast one from a local comedian Grin

[/quote]

Love this!

Mincepiesallyearround · 28/11/2020 16:06

I hope you haven’t forgotten a couple of whiny snot nosed toddlers who immediately need a WEE WEE as soon as you start looking round.

UpTheLaganInABubble · 28/11/2020 15:43

This is a fairly accurate representation of the Belfast one from a local comedian Grin

teawamutu · 28/11/2020 15:38

Make sure the £6 mulled wine is at least 70% apple juice. And either lava heat, or luke warm.

CloudyGladys · 28/11/2020 15:19

All these children will need refuelling so they don't run out of energy for rampaging half-way round.

You need candy floss, fizzy pop in three different colours and a pick-and-mix stall (check the sweets' ingredients labels. If it sounds like the contents of a chemistry set then you've got it).

Zenithbear · 28/11/2020 15:15

You need a dog on a lead to cock it's leg up the giant wooden reindeer (£500)

LoisWilkersonslastnerve · 28/11/2020 15:10

Yes I'm really missing ours now (Glasgow) even though every year I declare it's rubbish and I won't be going again Grin

Whatthebloodyell · 28/11/2020 15:09

You need several stalls selling the exact same felt Christmas decorations.

52andblue · 28/11/2020 15:06

Yea, its crucial to bring a 'd'H, whose idea it was, who declares it ALL 'too expensive' within 2 minutes of arriving but also opines that you must stay for at least 3 hours to 'make it worth the petrol/parking'. Magically, the vile burget/snotdog/gluewein is 'a bit pricey, but it IS Christmas after all'.

Oxyiz · 28/11/2020 14:38

Aww this just makes me miss the ones round here which are lovely ... if you get in and out at the right time Grin

2021optimist · 28/11/2020 14:37

@DonLewis

Hire a pick pocket?
😂😂🏆
Tonkerbea · 28/11/2020 14:28

Best thread of 2020?

felineflutter · 28/11/2020 13:10

@inthewoodshed Grin ah the memories...

Twobrews · 28/11/2020 13:10

You also have to constantly be saying "excuse me...can I just squeeze through... sorry...thank you...no, after you...your welcome"

CloudyGladys · 28/11/2020 13:08

How much were you planning on charging for parking?

Whatever it is, double it. A field or pot-holed bit of wasteland will be perfect. Don't waste money on lighting. Bonus if it's a long way from the market and the opposite direction to the toilets.

Set up an in and out system then if you get bored you can get someone to block the 'out' so the whole thing gridlocks.

Twobrews · 28/11/2020 13:01

Yes the more bored, tired, cold, disgruntled children you can bring the merrier. Bonus points for dragging granny along too, who can't quite believe how much cash is flying out of her purse so that little Bobby can have another go on hoola hoop in order to win a giant teddy the size of a garden shed.

This. I'd need DH too who's idea it was to attend the Christmas Market but who also does nothing but alternate between telling the kids off for looking like they might touch something and saying "no it's too expensive" all while not looking up from his phone.
He remarkably perks up when we get overpriced and underwhelming food of his choice and declares it a good festive experience.

MarthasGinYard · 28/11/2020 12:27

Convince yourself how you Love paying 8 quid a piece for a shrivelled up Brawurst.

IrenetheQuaint · 28/11/2020 12:24

Also important to have small over-excited children who run hard into your legs just after you've paid £8 for a brimming plastic cup of mulled wine.

emilybrontescorsett · 28/11/2020 12:22

Yes the more bored, tired, cold, disgruntled children you can bring the merrier. Bonus points for dragging granny along too, who can't quite believe how much cash is flying out of her purse so that little Bobby can have another go on hoola hoop in order to win a giant teddy the size of a garden shed.

PurpleHoodie · 28/11/2020 12:17

berryful

Grin Grin

DeeandraReynolds · 28/11/2020 12:17

Yes, small, bored, disgruntled children are an absolute MUST!

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