Crackers you've read on MN

There was such a funny thread recently about looking awful in zoom work calls - one poster said her face looked like a “blancmange in a plastic bag” which made me laugh so much!

I'm sure I recall a thread on interview screw ups - or something similar. A poster told a story of interviewing well, standing up, shaking the interviewers' hands and opening a door to leave - and then walking straight into a cupboard and not sure how best to style it out to get out of the cupboard!

The one where the poster allowed her teenage DC to have friends round and the rule was they could have one beer or something but some of them were requesting a spirit or wine and she was asking AIBU to refuse. Oh god the derailing about should they be allowed to drink and god knows what else was going on and she patiently explained the very clear rules again and again.

[quote DrDavidBanner]I've ended up in a Classics rabbirholw which led me to this!

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/mumsnet_classics/1777952-Ive-just-cupped-my-COs-penis-by-accident[/quote]
Oh thank you for that, I've been laughing out loud all through it. Never laughed so much at a thread. Thoroughly recommended.

‘UCM, is that you?’

I remember reading about a poster who thought she had name changed for a gynae related thread. To avoid embarrassment I suppose. Only the name change had failed and the first poster put 'name is that you?' I howled for about an hour. Someone will remember the particular details of that thread properly I'm sure, but don't you dare come at me over it. Twats.

Oh god, the pooing threads. Before we had to worry about poo trolls, there was a thread about pooing yourself that rendered me senseless. I couldn’t breathe.

The most memorable post was a pp who was heavily pregnant and had, ahem, followed through, and, in an attempt to ‘keep it in’ had reversed slowly into her conservatory.

I. Just. Wept.

I am ill laughing at the ‘bashing my keyboard with my tits and hoping for the best’ thread. 😂😂

Thank you for this thread OP

[quote DrDavidBanner]I've ended up in a Classics rabbirholw which led me to this!

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/mumsnet_classics/1777952-Ive-just-cupped-my-COs-penis-by-accident[/quote]
OMG!!!!! Am fully guffawing "the other was left straggling and I accidentally cupped his balls." "I'm MNing in the toilet, shuddering in shame" oh my god that's funny. I needed a laugh today

I always remember the woman who was in M&S with her mum. They were both off browsing then she found her mum again "staring intently at nothing". When she tried to take her arm her mum said "If I move, I'm going to poo"

I was also the poster who found two pork sausages in my - since exH (you gotta wonder why) - dirty jeans in the washing basket. Everyone just kept asking if they were raw

There was a thread fairly recently where, for some unknown reason, the OP asked ‘Do you like your husband’s penis?’ Amongst many hilarious comments, one poster replied ‘My Ex husband had a fabulous penis, I loved it. I wasn’t keen on that useless bit of skin on the end though, what’s it called? Oh yes, that’s right, Alan’
(Paraphrasing, before the thread police come back). I was upstairs in bed ill at the time and I was snorting and wheezing so loudly DH came to check I was ok, he thought I was choking.

Has anyone mentioned the dad that pinched a Wotsit off his kid yet ? Not even from the bag , he had put them on the side as he might want them later .
It was bedlam! By the end of it the 4 yr old was going to grow up depressed and in need of therapy, I kid you not .

Has anyone mentioned 'fuck off you spud cunt' to the potato that fell on the floor in the supermarket?

I've ended up in a Classics rabbirholw which led me to this!

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/mumsnet_classics/1777952-Ive-just-cupped-my-COs-penis-by-accident

I can't remember which thread she was on, but the performance-parenting mum who did a little naked jig in the swimming pool changing room whilst playing the pan pipes in an effort to terrify entertain her baby.

Also, on the same theme, the woman who insisted on going to sit in the men's changing rooms at the local pool when waiting whilst her child had a swimming lesson. She chose there because she found the main lobby/waiting area/cafe (I forget exactly) too busy and noisy. She was really disgusted at the disgraceful behaviour of the men being naked in the men's changing rooms, in front of this woman who had arbitrarily decided to invade. They had bums and everything

£80!! I used to get them for free at the school disco!

I'm dead

I hope this link works

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/parenting/2307274-I-am-everything-you-hate-about-people-on-the-internet-I-am-here-to-help?pg=1

Page 7 near the top (had to go check)

OP: I have three mangos, what can I do with them
Poster: juggle them
OP:

I still randomly giggle over a thread where the OP’s mum had to be put in an ambulance, and kept farting.

Every time she farted, she said ‘I’m sorry, Alan.’ Funny enough - even funnier that the paramedic’s name wasn’t Alan.

She was okay in the end so I don’t feel too guilty laughing.

Does anyone remember 'Matthew, mind your penis!'

I'm sure I remember one about stealing a loaf a bread, and the entire thread was just Les Mis lyrics.

I remember reading about a woman who wanted to learn to drive, and she thought she'd prefer to learn in a "manuel" (as opposed to an automatic).

The first reply was "Que?" 😂 😂