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Original poster

Crackers you've read on MN

416 replies

MrsMarrio · 25/11/2020 00:19

Just a bit of fun. I've read some really awful threads on MN, then there in the comments is that poster that says something hilarious. I've got a few stored in my head.

In relation to a cheat going to the OW - "they think the grass is greener on the other side because it's covered in bullshit'

A post about partner being friends with the opposite sex, someone told a story of their other half getting 'mentionitis' about another woman who turned out to be cheating

And my favourite, a poster had took back a guy after a few break ups to which someone responded 'that's like fishing shite out the toilet- just flush'.

Anybody else got comments stuck in their mind for any future reference that fits or just me Grin

OP posts:
GlummyMcGlummerson · 26/11/2020 01:42

@FlouncerInDenial

*badadabing WouldstrokeTomHardy are you both referring to me???

I'm absolutely not the fun police, but if I'm going to reference something, I'll at least do it knowing what I'm saying!

I'm ON the sex noises in the hedge thread (under a different un). It is in classics. It's been linked twice on this thread, you can go check. It's hedgehogs, not foxes.

If you're going to reference something, do it with a bit of authenticity .

Otherwise you're just a bit sad.

Anyone who said foxes when it was clearly about hedgehogs has completely ruined this thread, some people were ON that thread you know how do you think your LIES make them feel
Dinky2004 · 26/11/2020 01:26

I was reading the fat ball thread in a coffee shop whilst waiting for a friend and kept laughing to myself
After a few minutes a woman sat near me by herself asked what was making me laugh so much, told it was a thread on a site I was reading
Turns out she was also a mumsnetter so I told her the thread title
Cue both of us sat there laughing to ourselfs for ages getting weird looks from everyone else in the cafe.

FrankiesKnuckle · 26/11/2020 01:17

@36degrees That stuck in my head too, plus I say it in an Irish accent because I am also an awful cunt for the butter 😁

FlouncerInDenial · 26/11/2020 01:16

*badadabing WouldstrokeTomHardy are you both referring to me???

I'm absolutely not the fun police, but if I'm going to reference something, I'll at least do it knowing what I'm saying!

I'm ON the sex noises in the hedge thread (under a different un). It is in classics. It's been linked twice on this thread, you can go check. It's hedgehogs, not foxes.

If you're going to reference something, do it with a bit of authenticity .

Otherwise you're just a bit sad.

nemeton · 26/11/2020 00:58

@AWaspOnAWindowReturns Why do they do that?

WouldstrokeTomHardy · 26/11/2020 00:44

I remember someone joining in an hilarious thread and trying to throw piss on it. One poster replied. 'Hold on ladies, the fun police have just joined the party' 😁

Badadabing · 26/11/2020 00:40

Hold on ladies - the fun police have just shown up to the party Hmm

FlouncerInDenial · 26/11/2020 00:30

@GenuineKlatchianPottery

A thread that’s now in classics. OP kept hearing sex noises coming from her hedge. Unanimous vote from MN “It’s foxes” OP replies “I’ve never heard a fox ask for a finger up their bum”.
If you'd read the thread, love, you'd know it was hedgehogs, not foxes. Slightly cringing for you.

If you're going to quote something, at least do it with knowledge

Original poster
MrsMarrio · 26/11/2020 00:19

@purplecorkheart I wish my husband shuffled in the dressing gown of doom when he has a cold. Instead he festers on the couch in the foetus position in his boxies stinking the room out with his dog breath

it wasn't a forum but mentioning breath reminded me. I observed my husband having an argument with his dads ex wife through the car window. Towards the end he started to wind the window up and said 'get out my face your breath stinks of shit' couldn't have been prouder (she's awful) makes me laugh now thinking of it

OP posts:
Duffmcstockings · 26/11/2020 00:12

A most joyless post

Duffmcstockings · 26/11/2020 00:10

Someone said we only eat peas once a year as a treat. They are too carby.

AWaspOnAWindowReturns · 26/11/2020 00:09

DaleyBum who literally twatted a spider to death... whatever happened to her? She was brilliant.

CandyLeBonBon · 26/11/2020 00:08

There was one today where the woman copped grief from a neighbour for parking in front of a 'drive' except it didn't have a dropped kerb in front of it so didn't actually qualify as a drive. Another poster called it 'a patio with aspirations'
Grin

PerkingFaintly · 26/11/2020 00:05

There was also the poster who, I think, has something stuck fast to her hob. One poster suggested she try sex lube and a fish slice.

No no, it was even better: the OP slipped in "Obviously I've tried sex lube and a fish slice" while retailing the things that hadn't worked. All nonchalant like...

Not so obvious to the rest of us, who are clearly vastly less resourceful.Grin

AWaspOnAWindowReturns · 26/11/2020 00:04

@GiveMyHeadPeaceffs

Snapped and farted still gives me the giggles Grin
Was that the thread about the boyfriend in the martial arts class? If I'm thinking of the right thread, OP was quite simply something else...
AWaspOnAWindowReturns · 26/11/2020 00:02

@TotoroPotoro

I recently saw one where a poster stated that even though they had a 7 figure income, they still wouldn't spend much on their DC at xmas.

I mean, I don't doubt some people do, but it seemed a very MN thing to say.

Also the one where a poster said they had tested Johnson's "no more tears" shampoo by rubbing it into their own eyes, before using it on their PFB's head

I remember one from a couple of years ago where the poster's phone had accidentally slipped from her hand and landed on her baby while she was feeding, and the baby had cried. The poster had then spent far too much time purposely dropping the phone onto her own face from varying heights to work out whether the baby had been hurt.
MaddeningtheUnhelpful · 26/11/2020 00:01

The one where there was an Irish lady, I think it was a bin situation. Anyway she put out Officer Olaf Grin loved that thread

GlummyMcGlummerson · 25/11/2020 23:53

These are BRILLIANT!!

I've got about 20 in my head of course but can I remember a single one? Can I fuck

BornInAThunderstorm · 25/11/2020 23:50

There was a hilarious thread about an op whose ex had fed the kids badger and one of the replies was along the lines of “maybe it came from the sett menu” that I couldn’t stop laughing over

DifficultPifcultLemonDifficult · 25/11/2020 23:48

I proudly introduce...Brian from Hull

Original poster
MrsMarrio · 25/11/2020 23:44

Some of these have made my day! So glad I made this thread

I'm now delving into the depths of old threads to get the context of these beauties!

Loving the Christmas parking sign

OP posts:
ImnotCarolineHirons · 25/11/2020 23:37

Yes there is a poster who still has the name JesusintheCabbageVan Smile

friskybivalves · 25/11/2020 23:34

Can any old timers link to the Yoni one which amazingly I saw unfurl in real time about 100 years ago?

BeckyWithTheGoodHair5629456 · 25/11/2020 23:27

@TR888

I remember a hilarious thread about random substitutes in supermarket home deliveries. One poster ordered raspberries and she got raspberry-flavoured condoms 😂.

In another supermarket thread, people were having a laugh at the text messages you get to let you know your shopping it's on it's way. One poster had a message saying that their delivery man (who was Portuguese) would soon be arriving: "Jesus will be bringing your shop at X time" - cue remark: "only in Ocado".

I remember this! Wasn't it Jesus in the cabbage van?

Howling at the parents doing wanking hand gestures Grin

Mrsfrumble · 25/11/2020 23:19

Fat balls might be my all-time-favourite MN thread. Every so often “artisanal scotch egg” will pop into my head and make me snort.

Jacob Rees-Mogg ejaculating dust is going to have the same effect.