To be annoyed that no one has ever told me I look like an actual sea monster in real life?

dd rang me for zoom this afternoon - I had been in the (very windy) garden - so my unconditioned over grown greying uncombed windswept frizzy mop - I am contemplating ordering a grey hairnet with clips from Amazon or boots - I might as well go the whole hog & go a la Ena Sharples (complete with curlers) db gs is a tough cookie I don't know how this apparition doesn't scare him!

I'm so glad I don't have to do this, I feel for all of you. In my mind I am the slim, jowl-free me of my 20s. Then I look in the mirror, and the horror! I have a largish nose and my skin isn't good but because the hairdressers are shut I now have nan hair too. When I put on make up and wear something nice I swish through town thinking I look fab then I catch sight ofa fat middle aged woman with a severe expression in a reflective surface and I could cry! What happened to my face? Everything is all saggy and if I dont wear make up I look like a sad potato. With nan hair.

When I am concentrating hard in a meeting I unfortunately adopt the facial expression of the keyboard player in Sparks

I really want to know how to turn myself into a potato, like the American boss. Anything better than my current self. When can we just all have virtual skins. We could identify as literally anything

I thought this the other day about my big nose! I thought why has noone ever told me

Lots of complaints about big noses - seriously it's probably foreshortening from sitting too close to the camera.

I am more dimpled and jowly than Mick Jagger. I FaceTime my MUM and she looks better than me.

I used to be sexy FFS.

Glad I'm not the only one🤣

I look much better when I leave the tape over the camera by mistake...

And why do those attractive colleagues still look attractive...like glamorous presenters... which is why the guys in the office fancy them.

I'm the Raggy doll... where's that reject pile🤣

I thought this the other day about my big nose! I thought why has noone ever told me

I love this thread!

I've trotted out every excuse going, to the point where everyone must know I'm making it up. I just hate hate hate being on video.

Thank you so much for this. I really needed this and your descriptions have had me belly laughing. I actually chickened out of my last slimming world zoom meeting because I hadn't washed my hair. The next one is tomorrow. I'm going to use some of the tips here.

Sorry to hear that OP, as a long time homeworker the secret is to do your hair and make up on days you have a video conference. Don’t sit too close to your laptop, bronzer and highlighter for sure and glasses whether or not you need them

Oh and one of the background settings to distract from the real you.

I look quite good following the above. Bloody glad when this is over and they go back to audio calls and I can wear my PJs and not wash my hair.

So glad to find this thread. With all the camera calls I feel I'm wearing more makeup at home in loungewear than I would for a night out!

You don't really look like that. It's the indiscriminate camera lense that can't cope with distances of under 5 feet. Unlike the human eye. Sincerely, a squashed potato.

@FrownPrincess 😂 this is also me.

Where is this "improve appearance" filter of which a PP speaks?!! Even my "blur background" option has disappeared at the moment.

When I am concentrating hard in a meeting I unfortunately adopt the facial expression of the keyboard player in Sparks (I don't have a Hitler tache tho before someone asks)

DD2 showed me a photo yesterday and I said, 'Who's that in the background?' Me thinking: that's a fat middle aged man, who's he?

You guessed it - it was me and I didn't recognise myself! I am fat and middle aged but I'm not a man! DD 1 and 2 both found this hilarious.

I'm having fillers, botox, some kind of fat freezing under my chin, jaunty scarves seem to be all I can do for my neck and I'm going to try extreme shading, possibly with a marker pen.

Any official photo of me looks like a police mugshot. On screen, I look as if I’m on trial and expecting to be found guilty.

Op i just spat my drink out-not laughing at you btw

My northern roots are showing when I tell people that, on camera, that I have a face like

• a string bag full of suet
• a paper bag full of spanners
• a bulldog chewing a wasp (or a bulldog licking a pissed-on nettle)

I'm usually counting my chins or evaluating the cost effectiveness of a facelift (decision - not worth it)

All of which, of course, are indubitably true.

i hate video calling i done it so i could speak to my niece and i look like a jelly

I am laughing hysterically at all of this. When did my neck go so incredibly wrinkly the little of it you can see. When did I start folding up and looking like my mother. I also have a weak chin and prominent nose. My face sort of falls away at the bottom. And I have a resting anxious face. When did I get so blotchy. Where is the rest of my neck. My head just sits on my boobs mostly when I sit down. So many questions. Thank you for this thread