To be annoyed that no one has ever told me I look like an actual sea monster in real life?

I don't have a webcam so have just been using audio...however DH has now been furloughed and offered me the webcam from the computer he was using. I turned him down not so much for the extensive roots, lockdown can't-be-arsed fluffy hair and wrinkles (the other 2 women in the team are in their twenties, not old bags in their 50s like me).

I turned him down because my face always shows exactly what I think, and as well as gazing out of the window during zoom calls I have a tendency to roll my eyes and raise my eyebrows, especially when the boss is talking, oops!

my DD facetimes me occasionally, i can’t bear it.

there’s a big, sallow moon where my face used to be. my face and neck have become one, like a fat Beaker from the Muppet Show. and my voice! i sound like Brian Blessed’s telephone voice.

fuck that noise. very glad i don’t have a job that requires zoom.

I look like a miserable potato. I sympathise, OP.

When I am concentrating hard in a meeting I unfortunately adopt the facial expression of the keyboard player in Sparks

You win 😂

And well done @MaudBaileysGreenTurban, great thread

I’m not very tall, have chubbed up a bit on lockdown and gave my short hair a slightly ill advised corona-trim at the weekend. I now look just like Kim Jong-un. When I put on my slightly severe glasses for a zoom call, the likeness was uncanny.

I AM my long-departed grandmother.

Just report OP & request

Think this should be nominated for Classics but can't remember how. It's made me laugh anyway.

I second pushing the laptop further away, even if you look the same you can't see your own image as much!

I like to sit with a window behind me so I'm nicely back lit and a bit fuzzy.

I had wondered if I'd need to start wearing makeup for these daily meetings but in the first week my manager video called me when I'd got wet hair, no makeup and big spots. It was awful but at least the bar was set very low for future meetings.

@Gingernaut @artistformerlyknownas. @MaudBaileysGreenTurban absolutely pissing myself thanks so much for the cheer up! First rule of filming- only ever from above, looking down on you. It makes my massive forehead even more blinding but gives me the appearance of a chin.

I look really, really grumpy if I don't smile so I have to look like I'm permanently smirking or just go with the severe grumpy look. And I have jowls, I don't know when they turned up. And my voice, in my head, sounds quite deep and neutral, and in real life sounds like Catherine Tate's character Lauren but more squeaky. I was happier in blissful ignorance.

Eee you lot are so funny! Nothing to add as fortunately I don't have to go through this but thanks for the laughs!...

Thankyou, for this thread, seriously, I'm wheezing and DP is looking at me oddly,
Keyboard player from Sparks!!!!
I've found my people. Ive never Facetimed and now have to once a week for work . I hate my right face side so have wedged it against the bookcase before to Facetime

Luckily I’m only on audio calls not visual, working from home.

But hearing the echo on speakerphone has made me realise I sound like a 7 year old and not a serious professional middle aged woman.

Yeah this is how it is.

old joke - I look best after a bath, when the mirror is steamed up
Wait! theres a thought have the zoom in the bathroom just after you have had a shower or run a hot shower (everybody will be ring either the police (because they think you are going to be murdered as in Psycho) or the fire service

The trick is to only zoom on your mobile and use a gooseneck clamp. Place it so you look slightly up into the camera. Sit 'side saddle' and look slightly to your right/left depending on what is comfortable. You will look slimmer and goodbye chins.

(Vaseline on the camera lens for mood).

OMG the "I look like thumb comments" have seriously done me.

I'm scarlet. I mean I'm not, but I am on Zoom. I look like I've conferences in from the sun.

I was also to join and didn't realise that everyone else would get dolled up and angle their laptops, so I looked like a bright red dufus and they're all like "yar, just sipping my Prosecco as filmed from the top of the bookcase in moody low lighting".

My eyebrows have become invisible. As has my upper lip. I don't 'do' makeup, so it's going to have to be the only thing I have to hand, a dry marker pen and a fluorescent highlighter.

So tomorrow I will have eyebrows like a couple of brackets on a marketing stat sheet and a mouth like a Carry On nurse.

Thank god it's not just me this has happened to !!!

Or I might resurrect this look. Doubles as PPE. Winning!

Op your not the only one looking like a cunt

I've just had a failed root canal tooth abscess near the front of my mouth (canine) 😫 and it had to be removed after a month of antibiotics and I now can't get a replacement until covid is over.

Other than filling the hole with a giant tic tac to resemble a tooth of some sort I'm instead walking around looking like I've been eating crack for breakfast.

I'm trying to source a mask to hide my dodgy tooth hole. I don't care about the mask protecting myself from the virus it's the front tooth I need protecting from!

Hideous!

And buying nano blur. I look like shit. It’s symbolic of the whole pandemic. Good people got better, arseholes became c words, the pretty look even better on Zoom and the average looking suddenly looked like their mothers (with added turkey neck ). Urgh