To be annoyed that no one has ever told me I look like an actual sea monster in real life?

I sort of feel for you, OP. But you haven't heard the sound of my fucking voice. 25+ years in the UK and I STILL sound like Janyce from Friends.

@EveryThingChanges321
If your sister looks like Krystal Carrington she’s obviously gone and smeared Vaseline on the lense! I told you all it works!!!

@ErrolTheDragon
Not a typo.
I’m in my 50’s and generally refer to it as Doom because as soon as it’s connected, in my head I just want to go ‘blam, blam, blam’ at everyone on screen with my imaginary megablaster thingy.

Also, why does my sister who is 20 fucking years older (!!) look so much better than I do on screen? I have a cabbage head and she looks like Krystle Carrington.

Im that annoying child who never stops moving. Touching stuff, shuffling about in my seat, twiddling the pen, hair up, hair down, move the curtain, pick stuff up off he floor. Stop fucking fidgeting. I get on my own nerves.

I’ve got a new found respect for my colleagues. How they get through a meeting with me in Real life without killing me I don’t know.

Wierdly I have a colleague who looks fairly average in real life, but manages to look like a 50s Hollywood film star on VC.

I’ve got that filter that makes me look like a Middle Aged woman who hasn’t slept for a week and hasn’t been to the hairdressers/eyebrow place for a month. Not sure how to turn it off.

I have a crease in my forehead between my eyes that can be easily mistaken for butt cleavage 😩 and the sides of my mouth are falling away! I didn't realise I looked that old!

I've just got a delivery of collagen shots and definitely sorting Grand Canyon forehead out when the local medical doctor opens!

Also I work in a school and we take lots of photos for evidence of learning and I'm often in them or in the background, caught off guard, side profile, looking down, letting it all hang out, millions of chins.

It's not good for the old self esteem! I always just wonder if that's what I look like all the time when I am mingling amongst actual people? 😭

OMG OMG, people. I am with you, what on earth do I think I'm doing, walking with earthlings, thinking I'm one of them? Clearly, I'm a pale ghost with blood red blotches all over and what did I think I was doing with my hair? Everyone else should not worry, I never look at them, I'm so busy looking at myself to even see them, much less listen to them!

I resemble an elephant bull seal on a good day so avoid having my photo taken let alone be seen on video.
Thank goodness I’m retired so don’t have to inflict my appearance on anyone during lockdown other than DH.

DP on the other hand always looks like his face is crooked. It’s not in real life. He just goes wonky on webcam.

I think I look better on FaceTime or Zoom then I do in a normal photo. But then maybe it’s because the photo is pixelated due to our terrible internet and the picture box is so small so there’s less of me taking up room to offend?

I always think I have an enormous fat head, probably because I do. Also my nose seems to be growing and looks more like my dad's everyday.

Oh this is brilliant! Thank you so much for the laughs and for making me feel normal.
I had a Zoom meeting yesterday which I thought was today, oops! Got there 5 minutes late, double oops. I cannot get my lighting right and lookEd like a ghost with no eyebrows, no chin and a hundred chins. And that’s with the webcam up high! Even worse, I thought I had sexy Marilyn Munroe hair, but nope. More like Billy Connelly.

I wear glasses on video calls. I only need them for driving but it makes my features look less hideous.

I didn't realise my username was so... apt; I am basically all nose encaged in a long face.

Plus due to an accident I had years ago where I damaged my lips (face) .. I thought they had healed ages ago ... It appears not I look like Vito Corleone in the Godfather Brando on MS Teams

Omg I have never posted on Mumsnet before but you guys made me laugh so much I had too... Ha ha the one with the mum who wore an African headdress actually made me wet myself a bit 🤣

I did a zoom meeting yesterday and everyone said I looked great! It was in almost complete darkness 👍🏻

When I talk my mouth droops on one side as if I've had a stroke.
I also have much more of an accent than I thought.
My jaw is square and I look so bland and middle aged that is cross the street not to talk to me.

I have never used so much make up since I have recently !

Me too.

Another southern accent here. I’ve got a real mid non placeable accent and yet I sound like a total booming cockney. I also sometimes sound like I’m nasally whining. I cringe hearing myself.

So can anyone tell me whether Zoom and MS Teams have filters? If they don't they need to!!

*staring at my face

I have to deliver loads of online training whilst balancing my laptop on my lap which is a very unflattering angle. After being made to spend weeks starting at my face I've decided the only choice is to bill my work for the massive amount of cosmetic surgery I'm going to need to fix my drooping face, double chins, wrinkly neck, crow's feet, wonky nose, uneven eyebrows and massive forehead.

Actual tears of laughter reading these (moose one makes me laugh even thinking about it) which I really needed as I’ve had too many sad tears of late. Thank you. You all crack me up!
On a whole I don’t look awful, BUT I open my mouth weird when I talk and say phrases over and over. 😖🙄 Also, I have that annoying “bants” Scottish accent that Kevin Bridges slags off. Oh well!