To be annoyed that no one has ever told me I look like an actual sea monster in real life?

I've found myself tilting my head slightly to the left while I listen to people and write notes with my right hand. Which is fine at first but I tilt it further and further left, and only notice when someone asks me a question so I look up from my notepad and see that my head is horizontal. Then I try to style it out by answering the question while very gradually turning my head back up to normal position. As soon as it's someone else's turn to speak off it goes again. I've never met these people in person before so they don't know that I actually have a normal neck. Unless I do it in real life too!

Caught sight of a crepey neck today and thought ‘who’s that on my camera?’. Obviously was me and I need to up the moisturiser game.

Jowls.
Droopy mouth on one side while I talk, teeth appear to be missing on one side (they are there really).
Annoying fluttery eye thing.
My lovely curls are a mass of thin, partly see-though frizz.

Luckily for me, my manager is too senile to be able to figure out how to access her desktop from home since two months ago, so no video calls for us (yet).

I did notice on the outside camera footage that my hair is thinning at the back and I’m slightly bald on top and I had no idea. I’m 30.

My NECK was wrinkly...

I am the oldest reader of your threads and all I can say is wait until you get to my age (79) and you will look back and think "Why the heck did I think I looked awful in my 30s, or 40s, or 5os?" I used to be beautiful then, according to my photos, but like you I thought my nose was too big, my nick was wrinkly, and my tummy always looked at least 8 months preggers.

I joined a teams call to practice and see what i looked like on screen before the call. Fucking hell. I look like a giant blob. With a potato head and tiny pin prick eyes. You could see my nose from space. Bloody hell!

Loving this thread! Exactly what we all needed

Although now not only do I have 2 chins, no eyebrows, massive eye bags, grey roots and a ridiculously squeaky voice - but my face is bright red and wet from crying with laughter...

Well I have discovered a previously unknown accent. I thought I did quite well hiding my Yorkshire roots. Appears not. I may as well say stuff like eeh by gum and aright love.

Also because sun and being out quite a bit all of my beautiful perfect circle face is brown but my seventeen chins are white. Looks ridiculous.

This thread is amazing, I've cried so much with laughter that my eyes have now disappeared 😂

I spent my last work zoom meeting holding a large stripy mug and pretending to sip frequently. I presume my colleagues thought it contained gin, but at least the mug hid some of my face.

I’m a lumpy potato with an unexpectedly deep voice. Every time I hear it I’m horrified. And I need a brace. And why have I suddenly been blessed with 5 bulbous chins, each with a unique smattering of facial hair?

Basically it’s awful. Sorry to those who have to talk to me,

Me on a good day.

Thank you for this thread!! I’ve been truly traumatised my the way I look on screen. I’m actually depressed about it but you guys have made me laugh about it at least!!

or it is it Turtle neck, or is that just a jumper, cos they have that sort of neck too....

This is the very best chat I have ever seen on Mumsnet. Laughing out loud raucously, and I know I my open mouth smile/laugh makes me look like Richard Briers In Ever Decreasing Circles. I always swore I would never have a turkey neck, still don't but its all softening up! Often sit holding it up to try to defeat gravity, and careful not to tuck it in too much while reading! My eyes are odd , one smaller than the other, & one eyebrow higher my mouth is not symmetrical I also have a laughter line on one side of my mouth that goes down and looks AWFUL , really aging. Had a shock the other day when I saw a photo of myself, am I really that fat?? I want to see you all!!

It’s weekly family FaceTime for me this afternoon. Can someone summarise the tips for looking amazing for me? I have about 2 hours.
I could just wear the horse mask I suppose. 🤷‍♀️

This thread is brilliant, so funny and welcome light relief.
‘Shaved mole’ nearly had me spit out my coffee.
My face sags slightly on one side, not quite Bell’s palsy but close, when did that happen? And I’ve run out of wax strips so am currently having a facial hair off with DP, not quite Magnum PI but again, it’s close.
Stay well, you horrendous looking lot. X

My zoom pose involves covering my mouth with my hands in a thoughtful looking manner while anyone is talking. In my head this not only hides my chin but also any unconscious smirks or mouth twists.

Yeah, I know. No one is fooled by it

I have no idea what it is about the iPhone camera which is so unforgiving! My forehead looks huge on camera and I actually have a low hairline in RL. My nose also looks like I’ve attached a Concorde to my face on camera! I also haven’t got a symmetrical face so it’s camera facing my left side or nothing at all!
I actually did a Houseparty call for my friends birthday yesterday and she said I looked really well! My face was apparently fuller and more youthful. I then had to confess to the 5KG weigh gain during lockdown! I told her seeing anything from the breasts down was out of the question!

Apart from the fact that I nod my head too much which makes me look a bit deranged, I look way older than I think I do, and my voice sounds like I am being strangled I thought the first Zoom meeting went well. I am trying to avoid another one.

Thank you OP, you made me laugh.

A tripod. A tripod is what you all NEED! It will revolutionise your video conferencing 👍🏻

I look like Caspar the ghost on zoom and I fidget. I also want to shout “don’t touch your face!!!!” at myself all the time.

I led an audio only (yay!) call the other day and asked everybody to mute their mics because there was terrible feedback and I could hear a very confusing echo of myself. Everybody duly muted themselves and I felt like an idiot talking into a black hole of complete silence. I then started speeding up and stumbling over what I was saying. And of course I had to ask “are you still there?”. More than once. My team now know that I am a complete moron.

OP, you could always try the potato trick - this really happened.
www.google.co.uk/amp/s/www.buzzfeednews.com/amphtml/laurenstrapagiel/potato-boss-video-call

My forehead looks huge and nose looks like a circumcised penis on camera. Bloody hate it!!

Thanks for making me feel more normal!!