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Original poster

Thread for really fucking ugly houseplants

315 replies

ScribblyGum · 06/03/2020 17:51

That you wish would just die naturally, but because they just won’t you are burdened by guilt with prolonging their pitiful heinous existence.

Here is my entry, a 14 month old poinsettia. Just look at the state of it, ugly Christmas 2019 bastard.
Can I bin it? No I cannot. Have I taken it outside to die by cold twice and then brought it back in again? Yes, yes I have.

JUST DIE WILL YOU.

Show me your horrid plants.

Thread for really fucking ugly houseplants
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88
woodencoffeetable · 07/03/2020 16:25

fugly yucca

I'm looking for a replacement after this beauty isn't happy anymore.
I gave it a chop before moving because it was huge and leant against the wall.

Thread for really fucking ugly houseplants
Original poster
ScribblyGum · 07/03/2020 16:18

@Kleptronic your poinsettia is right properly shit like mine. You’ve not been hiding it from the sun like the joy-vampire that it is.

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Original poster
ScribblyGum · 07/03/2020 16:16

In a bag not in a bog. It deserves to be in a bog.

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Original poster
ScribblyGum · 07/03/2020 16:16

@Deucebumps it’s a metaphor for something. Something profound. Shame you have to look at it though.

@housinghelp101 Ha! So you can’t just put it in a bog and a box in the cupboard under the stairs and just leave it there for a few months then? Oh no, you’ve got to be timing taking it in and out. Not going to happen. This information might just be the lever to help me get rid.

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Deucebumps · 07/03/2020 16:11

@Noworrieshere it would be a very boring thread Grin in the three years I've been at the office it's always looked like that. I'm surprised they didn't throw it out sooner to be honest!

housinghelp101 · 07/03/2020 15:09

For the poinsettia survivors owners:

Your poinsettia will only display colored bracts if it experiences complete darkness for at least 12 hours per night for 10 weeks. It cannot be exposed to any kind of light such street lights, car headlights, TV’s, computer screens or even light under the door. Commercial greenhouses achieve this using opaque shade cloths to cover their plants at night. At home, you can use a box large enough to cover your plant completely

WentToMarket · 07/03/2020 14:25

frosted, indeed, a Calathea. Mine loved sunlight, but only west facing. It hated being too hot, but also too cold, watering was a delicate balancing act, and its leaves were either droopy or shrivelled, and sometimes both. Absolute arse of a thing.

Kleptronic · 07/03/2020 14:20

Oh I've got loads of these recalcitrant fuckers. There seems to be a theme. Spider plants, poinsettias, peace lilies, Christmas cactus, I've got them all and they're all shit. My worst are a rubber plant and a cast iron plant. The irony. See what I did there. Don't worry I've already got me coat on.

Thread for really fucking ugly houseplants
Thread for really fucking ugly houseplants
Thread for really fucking ugly houseplants
frostedviolets · 07/03/2020 13:51

susan that looks like a Calathea, they hate sunlight, so no wonder it looks awful!
They like a shady spot.

sagely I believe that is a Pothos vine

DesLynamsMoustache · 07/03/2020 13:45

This thread is amazing Grin

SagelyNodding · 07/03/2020 13:38

Ps-if anyone knows what my plant actually is that would be great! Then I could Google how to look after it!

WentToMarket · 07/03/2020 13:26

Susan, that’s the same as the one I threw in the bin after three years!

SagelyNodding · 07/03/2020 13:22

Great idea for a thread! We have this beauty... It won't die, but doesn't really seem to want to live either Sad It's been like this for years now!

Thread for really fucking ugly houseplants
susandelgado · 07/03/2020 13:13

This poor plant was my pride and joy but my daughter hated it and insisted on moving it Sad
This is how it looks now Hmm

Thread for really fucking ugly houseplants
Noworrieshere · 07/03/2020 13:03

@Deucebumps wins though, that plant needs a thread all if it's own so we can follow its progress

Noworrieshere · 07/03/2020 13:02

Christmas cactus that belonged to dh's great aunt so we can never get rid of it. I made it smaller by cutting the ends off all its branches at one time because it didn't fit on any shelf or windowsill in our house. It once covered Great-aunt Mary's entire dining room table. DH and his mother have never really forgiven me

Thread for really fucking ugly houseplants
crapette · 07/03/2020 12:35

I've had this one about 5 years. I actually thought it was a fake plant at first. It lives in a room that is either freezing or as hot as the inside of a volcano. I remember to water it about twice a year. Sometimes I cut the dead bits off with the kitchen scissors. It. will. not. die.

I'm pretty sure that if I put it in the bin it would sneak back in under cover of darkness.

Thread for really fucking ugly houseplants
Original poster
ScribblyGum · 07/03/2020 12:34

@Deucebumps and that’s why we can’t kill them. Their defiance of death can only be rewarded with resentful admiration, slavish irregular watering and being placed in areas where we hope visitors won’t see them.

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Deucebumps · 07/03/2020 12:18

@ScribblyGum It's hideous. Even DP is starting to think it's a lost cause. That said it's a stubborn fucker, at one point it had a third branch that was held on with sellotape and it still tried to grow leaves off it Grin

Original poster
ScribblyGum · 07/03/2020 10:22

Grin Grin @Deucebumps. Your plant is really really fucking ugly. Look at the absolute state of it.

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Deucebumps · 07/03/2020 10:12

This poor sod was abandoned by my work. I took pity and have handed it over to my other half as I just kill plants but I'm starting to think it needs to be put out of its misery....

Thread for really fucking ugly houseplants
blueskys72 · 07/03/2020 10:10

Oh, and the aloe veras that haven't been watered for at least six months and refuse to die!

Thread for really fucking ugly houseplants
blueskys72 · 07/03/2020 10:08

My poinsettia is probably four years old, nothing red about it anymore, drops leaves like buggery, yet still hangs on in there ...

Thread for really fucking ugly houseplants
Bunchofkeys · 07/03/2020 09:45

I’ve been reading mumsnet a long time and this is my favourite thread ever.
Here’s my contribution although I’ve just collected it from the downstairs loo where I moved it to from the hall a few weeks ago (to avoid feeling guilty every time I walked past it!) and it’s actually looking a lot better

Thread for really fucking ugly houseplants
Original poster
ScribblyGum · 07/03/2020 09:20

Next someone will tell it really should have heat lamp too, and some special food.

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