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Original poster

Thread for really fucking ugly houseplants

315 replies

ScribblyGum · 06/03/2020 17:51

That you wish would just die naturally, but because they just won’t you are burdened by guilt with prolonging their pitiful heinous existence.

Here is my entry, a 14 month old poinsettia. Just look at the state of it, ugly Christmas 2019 bastard.
Can I bin it? No I cannot. Have I taken it outside to die by cold twice and then brought it back in again? Yes, yes I have.

JUST DIE WILL YOU.

Show me your horrid plants.

Thread for really fucking ugly houseplants
OP posts:
Thread gallery
88
ARoseInHarlem · 07/03/2020 22:25

My MIL gave me this over a year ago. It was half as big. I’ve NEVER watered it, because I don’t like my MIL. Yes those are chopsticks tied together with an elastic band. The fucking plant has defeated the chopsticks. I now just want to see just how barbarically it will continue to live. I see my MIL each time I look at it.

Thread for really fucking ugly houseplants
sohypnotic · 07/03/2020 20:55

I give you a 6 year old ikea special...

Thread for really fucking ugly houseplants
Redcrayons · 07/03/2020 20:47

See, I know that you have to keep the poinsettia in the dark to make it flower. I put it in the living room because we don't get a lot of light in there and it's dark at night. So that's practically following the advice to the letter.

It didn't work though, all the leaves fell off. So I put it in the downstairs bathroom which is freezing and with a big bright window. And now one of the leaves is turning red. The fucker thinks it's Christmas, I can't bury it alive in the compost bin when it thinks it's Christmas.

Dieu · 07/03/2020 20:41

This thread is fucking hilarious!
I love all of you who have ugly plants but don't kill them.

woodencoffeetable · 07/03/2020 20:07

user the one with the spikes (right picture) seems to be a calla.

susandelgado · 07/03/2020 19:48

@WentToMarket it's a prayer plant ( it seems to be praying all the time now) 😂

WeBuiltCisCityOnSexistRoles · 07/03/2020 18:47

"Shaft" though

WeBuiltCisCityOnSexistRoles · 07/03/2020 18:47

Fuck me @littleyikes that second photo is really quite disturbing. I imagine that thing moving around the house at night and you don't just don't know it.

Sleep well.

Original poster
ScribblyGum · 07/03/2020 18:40

🤷‍♀️ The Turd Surprise Plant maybe?

OP posts:
user5656 · 07/03/2020 18:37

@ScribblyGum ha ha, dried up turds is an excellent description.
I don't know what kind of plant it is (2nd photo, top left) but it occasionally produces reddish leaves and then they all fall off and the cycle continues. 🤷‍♀️

Original poster
ScribblyGum · 07/03/2020 18:33

Oh, oh that diseased shaft. No, that’s really not nice.

OP posts:
littleyikes · 07/03/2020 18:23

Thought I'd add some more, one is a cactus that has flowered every year for three years, but I can't remove the dead ones...? This is my decade old cactus with a pretty diseased shaft 😂 I've got an aloe not pictured, in the bathroom I've never watered it, all it's leaves are broken at various points, but it lives on.

Thread for really fucking ugly houseplants
Thread for really fucking ugly houseplants
ShesGotBetteDavisEyes · 07/03/2020 17:46

I always throw poinsettias away in the new year as I think of them as a Christmas plant - and once it's over I want to eradicate every reminder of it!

I'm crap with plants. The only ones that seem to come back year on year are hydrangeas - I literally do nothing all winter and they're coming back out again. That's my kind of plant.

Original poster
ScribblyGum · 07/03/2020 17:42
OP posts:
Original poster
ScribblyGum · 07/03/2020 17:40

It’s beautiful compared to some of the horrors in this thread Grace, I mean what even is that in user5656’s second photo? One of those pots looks like it contains nothing but dried up little turds.

OP posts:
GraceBelly · 07/03/2020 16:59

Ops plant is beautiful

user5656 · 07/03/2020 16:59

Love this thread.
We are lucky to have a fair sized greenhouse but it is totally wasted on me, i am hopeless with plants.
Here are some that have been evicted from the house but I just can't bring myself to throw away and am currently murdering nurturing in the eternal hope that they will recover.
DH calls our greenhouse the Dignitas clinic for plants, they go in but never come out.

Thread for really fucking ugly houseplants
Thread for really fucking ugly houseplants
HoppyHop · 07/03/2020 16:52

Love this thread 😂.
Sadly I'm not at home to post a photo of my Christmas 2019 Poinsettia that will not die, it has not had red leaves since last year so yours is impressive OP. Mine however does have red tinsel around its base (I have convinced myself that it's the tinsel that is keeping it alive). This post is totally outing to anyone that has been in my house!

Sunshineboo · 07/03/2020 16:38

This was in the house we bought when we first looked at it over a year ago. They left it for us when they moved out and I don't feel quite able to get rid of it. Not sure what it's meant to be, but it sure is ugly

Thread for really fucking ugly houseplants
woodencoffeetable · 07/03/2020 16:37

That yucca is a fucker

haha, has a nice rhythm to it

woodencoffeetable · 07/03/2020 16:35

kleptronic
usually lopping works well and the plant comes back nice and strong and green - just not this time.
I hate killing plants, I feel for them.

WeBuiltCisCityOnSexistRoles · 07/03/2020 16:33

That yucca is a fucker

WeBuiltCisCityOnSexistRoles · 07/03/2020 16:32

I think people are confusing poinsettias with gremlins, surely?

My mother once gave me a peace lily as i had killed absolutely every other plant I have ever had. They died because I was shit at looking after them, because I didn't want to, quite frankly. I don't really like plants in the house and can't be arsed. I only like cats.

The peace lily was fucking terrifying. It was like that bit at the end of the first Terminator when he refuses to die. I used to look at it every morning and recite to myself

I didn't cause this
I can't control it
I can't cure it

Kleptronic · 07/03/2020 16:30

Ah but wooden you have a loverly orchid there. Mind you that yucca is epically shit. I'd kill that just to put it out of its misery, poor bastard.

Kleptronic · 07/03/2020 16:28

It is properly shit Scribbly it is also the 2018 vintage. Perhaps we should mate them and spawn...er...Son of Shite Poinsettias.

Although mine does have some red bracts and I sure as hell haven't been timing it with boxes so I dunno what the jeff's happened there. Mebbe the dogs have been meddling. Although it was more likely the cat, she likes to fuck with my mind.