Thread for really fucking ugly houseplants

Ha, love this thread! Mine is also a Christmas ‘18 specimen. Everything else in the ‘festive basket’ died but this thing is actually sprouting new leaves! I thought about repotting it but can’t be arsed, I’d rather it would just die... but it won’t! I ignore it but I think my DM sneakily waters it from time to time to keep it going. Grrr.

These fuckers are succulents. Unkillable, right? They don’t even need water.

Nope. Specimen 1 is listing sideways like a drunk ship and specimen 2 is just.... decimated. It’s just practically dead. That fucker filled the pot with lovely bulbous succulent buds when I bought it.

Love this thread - there are definitely themes emerging! We also have a peace lily called lazarus, and a very poorly xmas cactus from late MIL!

Let me introduce you to this dickhead though ... started off as a beautiful variegated rubber plant type thing but dropped all its leaves about 6 months ago just leaving stem. Top of stem was all mouldy so I snapped most of stem off then put it in a cupboard, intending to reuse pot and compost to repot another plant. Went to fetch it last month and there are tiny new leaves budding?!?!?! WTF. I have now concluded that houseplants are never actually dead 🤷‍♀️

Boswell that geranium (pelargonium actually) looks dead. If you cut off the 'arm' with the leaves and literally place it into a pot of compost it will root and form a new plant. They are so easy to grow this way.

Behold my very-almost-dead geranium!

The reason I still have the ugly bastard?

Because I used a free coupon from a long since disappeared local paper, to buy it from a long since closed down garden centre, with my long since deceased mother and my (not dead/gone/disappeared) brother on a lovely spring day yonks ago.

I love the old git.

I'm another one with an indestructible peace lily.
DP's mum bought it when we first moved in together 12 years ago. The fucker has been reported 3 times and is the most luscious, healthy plant ever.
I kill plants usually within 2 weeks. Even succulents. Only have to glance at an orchid and it dies, but this bloody plant just won't quit.

This atrocity was green and lush until Mother gave it to me to 'look after' while she moved house.
I haven't yet dropped the bombshell that not only has the property she was moving to fallen through, but also, this snidey fucker has turned it's toes up. Yellow Bastard.

Fuck! Wrong thread entirely. Sorry!

This thread is pure gold.

At my late patner's urging I had half a dozen pot plants on my windowsills, including two he'd grown from cuttings with his own fair hands. He had about 50 pot plants in his flat.

Within two months of his death they were all dead.

The only reason the cat is alive is because she yells at me for food and water.

@smiften 🤣🤣🤣. It's self isolating.

"I’ve NEVER watered it, because I don’t like my MIL."

Now this is the kind of attitude I like and admire. 

Looking at some of these plants, I would quite happily come and dispose of them for you, and wouldn't feel a twinge of guilt. Like a plant euthanasia service that comes to your door. I could sing them a little song first and you can hold their bare leafless little twiggy branches and say your goodbyes.

(@littleyikes I'll do your diseased freaky one for free. As a service to humankind).

The one under the dome looks like a dessicated erect penis.

How sensible of your dh to protect all of those new young shoots and buds from dust under that dome, eh?

My DH has an office/junkroom, I never go in there usually.

I've just ventured in to see how his much loved plants are doing. The second one is under a plastic dome, to encourage it along presumably.

I was reading this thread in bed last night.

KevinBacons cactus actually gave me nightmares.

littleyikes cactus was in there too somewhere.

I have a 7 yo Christmas cactus that has never once bloomed. Not once. It was a cutting from a huge Christmas cactus owned by a friend, that bloomed almost constantly. I keep on moving it around to different windows in hopes of encouraging blossoms but deep down I know it is laughing at me.

Meanwhile its friend the Thanksgiving cactus that I bought in Walmart as a three inch high no hoper has bloomed twice in six months, once last Thanksgiving and all this week. Lovely double blossoms in shocking pink.

I recently laid to rest a friend’s cheese plant at her request. It had been left in the house when she purchased it 30 YEARS ago by the old woman who had loved the house and it. It just kind of lingered on in a corner. It had finally become largely dead. We actually raised a glass to said woman and plant. No photo but it was huge and god awful.

Well. I have found my people. So many ruined but not dead plants here. SUCCULENTS! How does a succulent not thrive?!

@VenusClapTrap you’re the marie Kondo of Crap plants!

@littleyikes that cactus looks amazing! You need to carefully cut the head off the shaft and leave it on some fine gravel and over time it will root into it. Don't feel guilty about throwing the shaft away, it has really seen it's day.

ARoseInHarlem, it's a bad plant, but what a beautifully shot photo!The light is amazing.

frosted violets, as Calathea is a prayer plant, it's just another name for it.

it’s a prayer plant ( it seems to be praying all the time now)

Calatheas are also called prayer plants.
Pop it somewhere shady, I bet it will recover.
I have a massive one on my dark windowless landing.
I’d post a photograph but he’s such a handsome devil it wouldn’t be in keeping with the thread.