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Original poster

Thread for really fucking ugly houseplants

315 replies

ScribblyGum · 06/03/2020 17:51

That you wish would just die naturally, but because they just won’t you are burdened by guilt with prolonging their pitiful heinous existence.

Here is my entry, a 14 month old poinsettia. Just look at the state of it, ugly Christmas 2019 bastard.
Can I bin it? No I cannot. Have I taken it outside to die by cold twice and then brought it back in again? Yes, yes I have.

JUST DIE WILL YOU.

Show me your horrid plants.

Thread for really fucking ugly houseplants
OP posts:
Thread gallery
88
GlennBulb · 08/03/2020 18:15

And this the cheese plant of wank.

Thread for really fucking ugly houseplants
GlennBulb · 08/03/2020 18:12

My pathetic excuse for an amaryllis??
It does NOTHING! Just that one stoopid leaf.
It's been like that for about a year.

Thread for really fucking ugly houseplants
LangClegTheBeardedVulture · 08/03/2020 17:59

Loving this thread. My plants aren’t too bad at the moment but there’s a cactus in the loo at my mum’s house she’s had for decades that we call Droopy Dick. It’s fucking hideous, it looks like it should be pickled in formaldehyde and kept in a macabre exhibit of medical curios. Next time I’m round I’ll get a picture.

Babdoc · 08/03/2020 17:54

Don’t despair. I had this ugly cactus for thirty years. I considered throwing it out - and it suddenly flowered!

Thread for really fucking ugly houseplants
Thread for really fucking ugly houseplants
Thread for really fucking ugly houseplants
woodencoffeetable · 08/03/2020 17:43

pebble not worse than an 80s dried flower bouquet really

Pebble21uk · 08/03/2020 17:40

My other half 'rescues' orchids from the ' Death Bins' in garden centres. We are overwhelmed with the bastards.
Most were looking healthy until they were moved to the bathroom, out of harm's way when we got a kitten.
This fucker is hanging on for dear life. It's an eyesore in my Art Deco oasis!

Thread for really fucking ugly houseplants
SchadenfreudePersonified · 08/03/2020 17:22

ARoseInHarlem - That's a partridge-breasted aloe, I think Harlem. Has it not had hundred of babies? Mine had hundreds of babies and of course I had to pot up every one of the buggers and take them to the charity shop .

mathanxiety - I bought an easter cactus and it didn't bloom. I was ranting on at it and I swear it spoke and said "Actually. Im a CHRISTMAS cactus - just give us a few months" So I did - it didn't bloom at Christmas either, and then swore blind that it was really easter cactus after all, probably.

It has until the end of May . . . .

SchadenfreudePersonified · 08/03/2020 17:10

AnduinsGirl - what the hell is THAT?

WeBuiltCisCityOnSexistRoles · 08/03/2020 17:05

@woodencoffeetable did that plant pot come with the plant? I'm just checking you're not keeping it out of guilt to a long dead nan or something before I say anymore...

Wink
BobTheDuvet · 08/03/2020 16:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

woodencoffeetable · 08/03/2020 16:06

Why is it so hard to throw off our leafy/shrivelled flora oppressors?

dunno, something primal for sure or just laziness carrying the bastard to the bin

woodencoffeetable · 08/03/2020 16:03

it's a anthurium
was beautiful when I got it.

NutButterNutter · 08/03/2020 15:55

Can't remember what this was but it won't die, won't flower, won't really live. It's 2 and a half years old and has lives in many parts of the house to either kill or cure it.
It seems to be having some sort of spring revival but it has done that a few times and then dies back again. It hasn't had a baby before, though!

Thread for really fucking ugly houseplants
BursarsDriedFrogPills · 08/03/2020 15:50

@woodencoffeetable

Sniggered when I saw this.

Why is it so hard to throw off our leafy/shrivelled flora oppressors?

WentToMarket · 08/03/2020 15:48

Wooden, what IS that thing? Was it once a bromeliad?

Original poster
ScribblyGum · 08/03/2020 15:25

@woodencoffeetable you mean that single leaf?

Yes, that’ll the only sign you need to prevent you from throwing that eyesore out. Sorry.

Thread for really fucking ugly houseplants
OP posts:
SirChing · 08/03/2020 15:20

@woodencoffeetable Blimey, has that been in a fire?

woodencoffeetable · 08/03/2020 15:13

there is hope, right?

Thread for really fucking ugly houseplants
AlanRickmanFanClub · 08/03/2020 14:52

Brilliant thread Grin

You lot think you are unlucky having a fugly plant, my friend had one that was not only fugly but evil. It sat on her kitchen window ledge and she was convinced it gave her the evil eye every time she stood at the sink doing the dishes. On one visit she asked me if I would get rid of it, so I bundled it in a bag and threw it in the bin and put a bag of rubbish on top. We were both half convinced we would find it back on the ledge staring malevolently at us the following morning but were relieved to hear the dawn chorus of the bin men and it was never seen again Grin

Twillow · 08/03/2020 14:22

I have a christmas cactus which has bright pink flowers that I loathe.
I have not watered it in two years.
Will. Not. Die.
Though to be fair, there were no nasty pink blooms this Christmas!

Honkingallthewaytothebank · 08/03/2020 14:17

@WentToMarket fit as a butcher’s dog 😂😂😂

WeBuiltCisCityOnSexistRoles · 08/03/2020 13:55

Make sure not to be too effusive in your thanks or appear to like it at all actually went or you'll get one every year Grin

WentToMarket · 08/03/2020 13:12

I got my peace lily in an ugly Mothers' Day basket. Maybe that's how They are sneaking all of these botanical bastards into our houses. It's fit as a butcher's dog, despite being on the ground less than 2 feet from the woodburner.

MilkLady02 · 08/03/2020 13:03

Oh good....

Chooklass · 08/03/2020 12:38

@MilkLady02 - that looks like a kalanchoe! They really are indestructible! I have three given to me in ugly novelty pots over the years, still going strong despite them apparently needing the exact opposite conditions they get in my flat 😂

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