Thread for really fucking ugly houseplants

I agree this thread needs a bump. I'm searching for new house plants to buy. None of these mind. Mine is the cheese plant further up. Still alive despite severe neglect over Summer.

Reawakening this thread with this. It is basically rotting from the bottom up and looks awful (somehow this photo makes it look better than it does in real life). But I can't quite bear to chuck it ..

Priceless. I have gargoyle level aloe vera plants curling in 'conservatory', sad sack poinsettia keeled horizontally in garden (ex house plant 'put out to pasture' and still going!), and temperamental, fussy, pink leaf gift plant outgrowing pots and rooms inside.. I now have permission to giggle at all, and unceremoniously turf (clapping with glee). Thank you one and all!

Place marking so I can come back later and show you my half dead succulent

Are you not supposed to eat sprouted onions? One onion in my pack had a green shoot the other day and I just ate it

Has anybody else started looking at their garden plants now that we're warming up? I've got some right ugly fuckers that just won't die on the patio that I'd hoped winter would see to. Fucks sake.

Just finished reading this hilarious thread! There really are some really fucking ugly plants in that collection! I'm sure my one ugly pot plant has hypnotised me! I sometimes refuse to water it then I feel sorry for being so mean and give it extra water as an apology!! We've had it 20 plus years and I don't even know what kind of plant it is but it would win a prize for being the ugliest plant in Britain! It looks like it has been dropped from a height and fed up most days! It somehow has the ability to piss me off every Monday morning when going to work!!

These three. I just can’t even. Why can’t I throw them away?!?!

The faithful unkillables.

I rescued the Christmas cactus from someone else’s bin bag when they were moving out of a shared flat 🤦🏻‍♀️ Don’t ask me why. Apparently I can’t even let anyone else throw out plants. Ugly bastard. DH hates it.

The cheese plant was given to me 26 years ago as a child and has only been treated to new soil once. I put it in the paddling pool to water it and let the rain clean it’s leaves before reporting it last week after listening to gardener’s question time and having a sudden rush of enthusiasm. I left it out there for two days, it got burnt and then I felt bad and bought it in again without repotting.
Lazarus the peace lily was I swear to god finally dead last week. Put it outside the back door and the rain resurrected it 🤬

Can I add my own seriously disturbed thing here? Firstly I feel I should point out that I’ve never grown a thing in my life, not even my nails. Secondly I have serious attachment issues and I have been known to become sentimental over inanimate objects. I bought a multipack of onions a few weeks ago and one of them in the net has sprouted a little green shoot thing(?) and I felt wretched about composting him because it’s not his fault he’s different ... so I planted him in my sons beach bucket and I’ve been watering him every day. When he dies because he’s just a weird sprouted onion I will ofc dispose responsibly. I warned you I had issues.

Ah so glad it is not just me.

Never getting rid of this cheeseplant. No idea why I thought it would be attractive. Basically, it fucking loves the constant temperature of my flat. It thrives. So much that it got unruly. Before I realised what it was doing, it was too late.

This is the AFTER photo, where I basically took pieces of it and wrapped it round itself and chopped off a bunch of pieces going nowhere.

If I hadn't I think we'd be at Little Shop of Horrors stage.

I now have no idea what to do. The only saving grace is that I bought a new pot (the tea towel under the plastic pot was a temporary measure for ~c2 years) then thank god I forgot to repot it. Can't imagine how much bigger it would have got.

Anyway it's really ugly.

Reviving this thread for a bit of light relief. hows everyone’s ugly plants coping with lockdown?
Despite me not watering it for weeks, putting it a sunny window, this dick is simultaneously shedding leaves and flowering.

@jackstini yours looks even taller than mine. Mines only flowered once in its 10plus years of life, very unpleasant strong smelling flower that dripped sticky shit everywhere!

@DdJames - I have the same plant! Will. Not. Die...

The ugly fucker has been put out of its misery! It feels a bit macabre using the decayed corpse to train other plants in climbing, but apparently bamboo isn't classed as an essential product at B&Q so we're making do with what we've got

I would think most of the reasons why people keep these plants is because they were given to them, and one feels should keep them, same as other gifts. Especially if that person is a regular visitor. I used to have house plants, but for years haven't wanted any. I do think they can make a home though. I just occasionally get myself some fresh flowers.

My growing basil plant. At the bottom of it there are 2 basils that grew from cut leaves. All of them are knackered.

I turned around holding my dyson attachment once and whoop! Peace lily churning around in the dust compartment.
I’m like the grim reaper of the plant world.

This fucker is one of many in my house
Loving this feed

Look at this leggy git. It’s a kalanchoe and it sits on the window sill in the kitchen next to a luscious leafy kalanchoe. I treat them the same and this one just gets taller and grows off on a slant whilst the other has 2 new flowers. I can’t bin it because the healthy one will miss it!

I really get you who cannot throw a weedy plant in the bin, at present time I have none fit for binning, all keeping well, which is more than can be said with the world nowadays.
I cant keep an orchid at all, once they die off they just wont ever recover I have never had one yet that rose again. I dont have a bad conscience putting them in bin because they are already dead.

I have found my people!

The previous owner of this house left behind shitloads of plants. I've kept them alive through sheer neglect for 10 years now, and every one looks ugly.
Theres a tree thing in the bathroom that's about 5 feet tall, with about 10 leaves on it. I forget to water it for months, then realise it's looking pathetic and chuck a jugful of bath water over it.

I also have a peace lily, that dd brought home from brownies. I shoved it outside in a weed riddled border bit when it outgrew its pot, and the fucker grows bigger every year. Last year it had 20 or 30 flowers, and they were a good 3 feet off the ground. Looked stunning. A visitor next door asked me my secret, and when I told her I ignored it totally, she stomped off muttering about it not being nice to not share green fingered talents

Always amazed me that I cant keep plants alive, but I'm also apparently incapable of killing them!

Loving this thread

I too have a peace lily. Sad pathetic droopy git. The only time it ever gets watered is when it droops even more than usual and the leaves flop over a family photo.

There is also an aloe vera on the top of my bookcase. I've had it ten years and it gets watered about once a year if it is lucky.

Sorry, I've now just read that others already spotted that resemblance smiften

@smiften, the one under the dome looks like a dried turd, are you sure it's a real plant?