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Original poster

Thread for really fucking ugly houseplants

315 replies

ScribblyGum · 06/03/2020 17:51

That you wish would just die naturally, but because they just won’t you are burdened by guilt with prolonging their pitiful heinous existence.

Here is my entry, a 14 month old poinsettia. Just look at the state of it, ugly Christmas 2019 bastard.
Can I bin it? No I cannot. Have I taken it outside to die by cold twice and then brought it back in again? Yes, yes I have.

JUST DIE WILL YOU.

Show me your horrid plants.

Thread for really fucking ugly houseplants
OP posts:
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88
AnduinsGirl · 06/03/2020 18:36

I'm so glad it's providing amusement!!! :D Honestly, every time I see the damn thing I say a little FFS to myself. :(

Paperdollss · 06/03/2020 18:35

How do you keep them alive!! I have killed so many house plants, can’t even keep a cacti alive
Can’t even keep a Venus fly trap alive even though my house seems to be full of flies in the summer

Lamentations · 06/03/2020 18:32

This thread is brilliant. It's not just me that resents not-quite-dead-enough plants that hang around just to piss me off. I once retrieved an orchid stalk in a pot from the green bin after several days because I felt it was haunting me from the driveway. It did flower again though.

WineGummyBear · 06/03/2020 18:31

AnduinsGirl DH and I are crying with laughter at your post!

MrsMcKitty · 06/03/2020 18:30

Ah plant guilt yes. I've inherited various plants my children half killed and then abandoned or put to die in the garden.
I took on one aloe which then grew enormous and birthed several offspring which I then potted on. At one point I therefore had 14!
Non doing orchids are my bete noir. I put them under the camelia in the garden in much the same way eskimos were said to leave their elders out in the snow.
Apologies if that insults any Inuits

Layoverlife · 06/03/2020 18:29

@ScribblyGum I love you're plant Smile

BogOffWinter · 06/03/2020 18:28

@ScribblyGum your friend definitely has some skills there!! Grin

madcatladyforever · 06/03/2020 18:26

I would love to not murder house plants but I have failed miserably. My longest living house plants aren't ugly they are plants in a bottle, you stick the plug in the top, put them on a mildly sunny windowsill, you never have to touch it again, it is a miniature eco sustem and will feed and water itself inside the bottle. It's amazing.
All you have to do is turn it round every few days.

Squidwitch · 06/03/2020 18:21

I have two spider plants in the bedroom window. As far as I am aware , they are entirely self sufficient, unless the window cleaner takes pity on them and waters them through the vent. They thrive. They have lots of babies. For some reason throwing away a plant feels like putting a gerbil in a wheelie bin.

squishedgrapes · 06/03/2020 18:03

Cut flowers last longer in my care than flowering plants

Original poster
ScribblyGum · 06/03/2020 18:01

@AnduinsGirl plant guilt + late nan guilt. You’ve got that one FOREVER.

OP posts:
AnduinsGirl · 06/03/2020 17:59

This prick. I've neglected it as much as humanly possible. It doesn't flower, it doesn't perk up... But my late gran gave it to me two years ago and instructed me to get some life back in it so I cant chuck it!

Thread for really fucking ugly houseplants
Original poster
ScribblyGum · 06/03/2020 17:56

@BogOffWinter I have a good friend who is also a mnetter who caused a big limb of my apple tree to fall off just by looking at it . That’s plant killing skills right there.

OP posts:
northernlittledonkey · 06/03/2020 17:53

I can’t do houseplants, growing up was like the day of the triffids In my 1970s home. I do flowers but no plants...they all go outside to die. Worst present ever, is if someone buys me an orchid. I end up giving them to my Mum.

BogOffWinter · 06/03/2020 17:53

All plants die within a week of me buying them, no matter how much they’re taken care of. I now assume it’s my mere touch that kills them. I can come touch your plant if you want? Grin

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