Thread for really fucking ugly houseplants

Forgot mouldy vft pic.

Look at this twat.

Is a venus fly trap ds(6) got from local garden centre last may. It did a fab job all year with loads of trappy leaves always closing and opening. Then September it flowered and according to google should have died.

But it's always hung on and hung on and hung on and ds is so invested I darent bin it I repotted it 2 weeks ago as it was going mouldy and took all the dead and mouldy bits off, it keeps on kicking on but I can't see it ever being an effective fly trapper again

@Purplestorm83 love the fact that you’ve posted it twice sideways, just opposite directions.

@Squidwitch For some reason throwing away a plant feels like putting a gerbil in a wheelie bin. that’s hilarious

This is my houseplant shame. My DH had it before he even knew me and it was lovely and flowered every Christmas (it’s a Christmas Cactus). Then I took over caring for it and look what has happened. It looks awful and I just want to throw it away! 75% of it went brown and fell off and we are left with this sorry DH!

Haha. We had to ditch a load of house plants after kids born.. some live on, planted outside. Esp the spider plant. It thrives outdoors

Not sure why the fecker’s gone sideways!

This is my maidenhair fern, it got somehow infested with something (probably from the indoor rose someone gave me at Christmas 😕) and all it’s leaves went brown and crispy so I gave it a really severe haircut. I kept it on the windowsill just in case, and a month later it started growing again! But now I’m worried it will look shit forever 😕

I have a Peace Lilly we have named Chuck Norris /Lazarus. It is almost 10 years old. I have reported once out of guilt. Every other plant that has come into our house I have killed, even though I try and tend them.
This little bastard will not die. I have forgotten to water it for weeks on end...still it hangs on. It had been almost entirely brown and crispy....still it hangs on. It has been half eaten by the cat and neglected to the point it is splayed out in the pot like road kill....still it hangs on. I went on holiday for three weeks without making any provisions..... still it hung on.
It gets to the point where it looks so pathetic I guilt water it... the bastard thing then rises from the dead like- well Lazarus!
The cheeky fucker even has the temerity to flower regularly.
I shit you not this thing is as hard as nails.
If a nuclear bomb went off it would shrug its shoulders .....and hang on.

When you hear scritch fkopple scritch quietly at your back door at 2.47am, it will be your left on the compost houseplants taunting you like an Alan titchmarch/Stephen king film ... Scritttccchhhh..

@Anduinsgirl Oh god, my parents had one of those pricks. 30 years on it's still going! I hope you've written provisions for it into your will, because it's not going anywhere.

Bursars You do know that your MIL will buy you a new one, don't you

Your poinsettia is the same age as the one I put on the compost heap last week. I claimed it was dead, but it wasn't. But it was entirely bald down one side and seemed to have killed off its most leaf-prolific branch in some kind of attempt at self-preservation. It pushed its luck.

Although I also have a nearly dead maidenhair fern in a planter in the garden where it clings onto the last vestiges of life despite frost, slugs and cat pee.

OP I’m jealous yours has still got red leaves on, mine is basically twigs in a pot. But not dead. It’s from 2018, I thought it might flower this year, but no. It just dropped all its leaves.

My ugliest is an orchid I bought from ikea.. Every time I think it’s finally dead, a new green leaf grows and springs back to life. No bastard flowers on it, just brown/green leaves. I can’t remember the last time I watered it.

I had one of these. A peace lily by MIL gave me some number of years ago. Now MIL bought herself one at the same time and it has been luxurious and verdant ever since. Mine sulked on a windowsill, went brown round the edges, never fucking flowered and generally depressed me and made me feel inadequate. And feeling like every time she came round, MIL was despairing at the type of woman her son has married
But the fucker just would not die. It persistently clung on.

And then one day last month I snapped. I threw it out (on the compost). I feel liberated. I luxuriate in my empty windowsill. I've taken back control. I've thrown off the shackles of my oppressive leafy overlord. Ha! Take that.

Under the camellia is conveniently bare and not required for anything else like summer bedding or spring bulbs. It also gets hidden later in the year thus enabling the 'out of sight, out of mind' effect and so is the natural final resting place.

I am a gardener. My house is full of houseplants. I even professionally supplied and maintained office plants for a while. So, you could say I am something of an expert.

As a result, friends and acquaintances regularly send me photos of ugly house plants in various states of failure-to-die, asking what they should do with them because they’ve had them twenty years or a child produced it for Mother’s Day or something. They want to know what to do to restore the plant to health and respectability.

My response nine times out of ten is to chuck it. Then go to the garden centre, and buy yourself a nice new one. People are so grateful. It’s like they need to be given permission.

I'm not allowed plants any more. I can't keep them alive! I can look after them for you if you like?