OK, then, folks, here's the plan to get this all wound up once and for all - we all just need to finalise the date and time and synchronise our watches.
Step 1: OCL has to get all of the other neighbours on board and ask them to park in neighbouring streets for just one day, whilst B is out at work for the early shift.
Step 2: A MNer who works for (or has connections with somebody high up in) Dyno Rod (there must be at least one, there are enough of us on this thread) arranges for the whole fleet at their local depot to come and take every available space in the street (including M's drive) with one of their vans. Maybe they could arrange for the water board to urgently need to dig up their own entire car park? One of them has to park exactly in the middle of spaces 1 & 2. One of the DR workers has to be or bring a blue badge holder along, to legitimately be allowed to use space X.
Step 3: B gets home from work and sees that the parking-space well has completely dried up and reacts in her normal tantrumming manner, roaring up and down the street in first gear.
Step 4: Just as she's about to finally blow, the driver of the van in 1 & 2 goes out to it, sits in the driving seat, turns on the engine and then.... stays there until....
Step 5: B goes over and asks when he's leaving. He says as soon as he's finished his sandwiches, he'll be on his way.
Step 6: B sits in her car, blocking the middle of the road, waiting excitedly to pounce.
Step 7: Very slowly, in the style of B, the driver in 1 & 2 moves the van, making a meal of it and crashing the gears, going perilously close to the vans in front and behind - but never touching - and eventually managing to pull out of the space after 18 minutes.
Step 8: A jubilant B pulls her car into the space with enormous difficulty, taking another 18 minutes to do so and starts complaining loudly to anybody who will listen (incuding poor Mr B, who is a captive audience) about how ridiculous it all is and that she will be reporting Dyno Rod UK for having more than one van.
Step 9: OCL gives the signal with three powerful throaty blasts on a pink vuvuzela and the instant the third parp begins, the back doors of all of the vans are simultaneously flung open and 20 MNers, all appropriately clad in fuchsia pink fluffy dressing gowns, emerge from every single van and gather in the middle of the road, full on razzamatazz street-carnival dancing and jazz hands stylee and start singing a rousing full-volume chorus of 'Don''t Worry: B's Happy!'
Step 10: B smiles for the first time in decades and feels like a huge burden has been lifted from her shoulders as she joins in with the parade. The rest of the street think likewise. She is a changed woman, has seen and acknowledged the grave error of her ways, apologises unconditionally and promises to sell her car for the benefit of the street and the safety of the road-using community as a whole, vowing to buy herself a bicycle (to be stored in her shed) for all future commuting purposes and to use taxis for longer trips.
Step 11: Happiness reigns supreme and the final MN thread documenting the whole saga as it unfolds (anticipated to be number 9) is closed off, being hailed as an overwhelming success. All 9 threads are moved to the newly-created Classic Parking Threads section of MN and are pinned to the top of the section in perpetuity.
Step 12: Channel 4 have already secured the film rights in advance and they waste no time in starting filming. It is a heartwarming tale of community spirit triumphing over adversity, hailed an all-time classic and goes on to win every single BAFTA and NTA for the year, even the one for Best Presenter. A new law is passed to make it compulsory for every state school to show the film at least once a week. Everybody is truly elated, except for Ant & Dec.
Brenda Blethyn plays the doughty Original Cat Lady CBE.
Patricia Routledge plays the now-reformed Mrs B
Timothy Spall plays the long-suffering Mr B
Gemma Collins plays the feisty C
Annette Crosbie plays the short-tempered yet slightly timid M
Danny Dyer plays Mr K
Denise Van Outen plays Mrs K
Hugh Grant plays Hugh Grant