Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Mumsnet classics

Relive the funniest, most unforgettable threads. For a daily dose of Mumsnet’s best bits, sign up for Mumsnet's daily newsletter.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

To think you can't get past 'the ick' im a relationship?

680 replies

Thickums · 02/01/2020 20:09

LIGHT HEARTED Interested in other posters thoughts on 'the ick'.

For those who don't know, the 'ick' is when someone you are dating just starts to irritate you for no apparent reason.
I dont mean normal annoyances, i mean they start to make your skin crawl and their mannerisms just go through you like a knife.
It can just creep up on you without any warning and they can even tick every box and otherwise be a 10/10 partner but unfortunately even them breathing irritates the life out of you. You try to fight it, but ultimately the irritation can turn to anger and make even the best of people become snappy with rage due to 'the ick'.

Ive experienced this once. Lovely bloke, not a bad bone in his body. After about 2 years for some reason still unknown to me i suddenly got 'the ick'. Watching him eat a pot noodle would make my blood boil.. Literally give me the rage. Everything he did irritated the life out of me.
As he was so lovely i tried my hardest to make things work. Until one day i confessed to a friend who told me about 'the ick' and how once it happens it can never be undone. They will irritate you forever. No one knows the cause of the ick.. But its incurableBlush. So i ended it. Felt nothing but relief.

So am i unreasonable to think 'the ick' is a real thing and once it happens the relationship is doomed?

Has anyone else experienced this? What is the reason behind 'the ick'? Why does it usually seem to happen with people who tick all the boxes?

I can't lie, i sometimes read posts on the relationship boards where the OP will say their partner has suddenly said they want out. Whilst everyone else is shouting 'OW' i think to myself maybe they've just got 'the ick?' Blush

OP posts:
justrestinginmybankaccount · 04/01/2020 12:03

@KidCaneGoat I know, the boom! is killing me!!! 💥

Strugglingtodomybest · 04/01/2020 10:10

I had this s couple of times in my 20s and dread getting it with DH.

Both were really nice guys. I can't really remember what happened with the first one but I do remember that he made my skin crawl in the end.

The second was a definite moment. I asked him one morning if we could talk about our relationship (I just wanted to talk about how we communicated) and he stuck his head under the duvet and started crying.
God the ick! Instantaneous. I finished with him there and then and couldn't get out of his house fast enough. Poor guy.

KidCaneGoat · 04/01/2020 08:43

Boom! Why???

An ExP who walked with his feet at 10 to 2 position rather than straight forwards. Even now when I see someone with feet like that I get the ick. And jeans that were slightly too short. And a flat back of the head so you couldn’t tell where his neck ended and his head started.

Linguaphile · 04/01/2020 03:31

OMG I did not know this even existed but your description is 100% accurate. I dumped two otherwise perfectly good boyfriends because of it before meeting DH (about whom I thankfully have never had that feeling!). YANBU, it cannot be undone. It must be some sort of subconscious alarm bell ringing?

IndieTara · 04/01/2020 03:22

Oh and the same ex used to refer to his stomach as his 'tum'
Just no

IndieTara · 04/01/2020 02:46

Yep an ex who used to send me a text when he went to bed saying 'night night. Hope you have sweet 'n' sexy ones'
No
No no

Dieu · 04/01/2020 01:19

It is real, but only in relationships that aren't 'right' anyway. So then the ick gives you justification for leaving.

thesuninsagittarius · 04/01/2020 00:19

had this with my ex. One day I was lying in bed watching him walk to the bathroom. He was naked apart from a pair of hideous old man type checked slippers (his mum had bought him and his dad the same ones) I noticed that he had a really round, plumpish bum and belly, like a toddler. After that I couldn't see him as a sexual partner, just a sort of over grown man-baby whose mummy bought his slippers. It was the beginning of the end.

justrestinginmybankaccount · 04/01/2020 00:13

BOOM Grin

Ash39 · 04/01/2020 00:08

Just remembered one. Really nice guy, first few dates went well until
we ended up in bed. The brown yfronts... that's all.

NamechangeoutedbyMIL · 03/01/2020 23:58

Use of the phrase “toilet tissue”.

OH GOD I just remembered the same guy who called a ten pound note a ten spot also used to say "tissoo" IYKWIM Envy < not envy

Northernsoullover · 03/01/2020 23:29

Oh yes the word 'tummy'. I hate any adult referring to their stomach as 'tummy' or 'belly'.
The same ex who skittered the toilet with skids also turned up on a date with socks and shoes... and shorts. I should have ended it then.

ivegottheick · 03/01/2020 23:12

I'm definitely feeling the ick right now and have been for some time too. Unfortunately can't do much about it after nearly 10 years and DC 🤢😷🤮

Ingridla · 03/01/2020 22:56

Omg this is so a thing! I always called it 'doing an Ingrid' when suddenly I would wake up & find the person I was dating immediately insufferable and repulsive, well, not,literally but it would happen very quickly and there was never any going back. Humans are weird. It's a thing, most definitely, chemistry I guess.

happycamper11 · 03/01/2020 22:51

These are getting worse, I might have to hide the thread 😆

Thankssomuch · 03/01/2020 22:35

Use of the phrase “toilet tissue”.

ByeMF · 03/01/2020 22:33

My ex. Together for over 20 years. His breathing, his fecking annoying laugh, the inability to eat quietly. By the end I didn't think I could cope with eating in the same room anymore. The stories that went on and on. The dismissive noise he made when I told him anything. I adored that man once! (I do know he'll have a similar list for me).

Smeghead90 · 03/01/2020 22:21

3 quarter length cargo shorts......that is all Blush

Thankssomuch · 03/01/2020 22:21

He also liked to use the phrase “bottom burps”.😣

Thankssomuch · 03/01/2020 22:19

The guy who followed every one of his (frequent) belches with the phrase “Get out and walk”.

Twat.

ConnorRipley · 03/01/2020 21:49

My ‘ick’ was when I saw him chug a pint of water. He sort of pulled his top lip back in a sneer and then opened his mouth really wide and just kind of poured it down his throat, swallowing in big gulps. I was horrified.

He was really proud of his ability to drink big drinks really quickly, too. Like it made him more manly or something.

BeenThereDone · 03/01/2020 21:38

I think this should be in classics

plantmum · 03/01/2020 21:18

I know exactly what you're describing with 'the ick' and I have experienced it, and while it has made me seriously question whether the relationship had a future because at times 'the ick' was so unbearable.... drum roll.....

I got over it

It doesn't always have to be the last nail in the coffin

happycamper11 · 03/01/2020 21:10

No 2 pulled my pubes silently and insistently as a signal that he wanted sex. I retaliated by pretending to be asleep as the tugging became firmer and more persistent, like a cat pawing to be let out.

This is horrendous 😱

@IckyWickyWooWah any plans for divorce any time soon? Boom indeed!

OdeToDiazepam · 03/01/2020 20:56

This is brilliant Grin