Do we have a MN Christmas threads full house yet?

Don't forget the martyrs!

'My MIL just got out of prison for attempted to murder me with a butter knife and my dog, too. IABU not to invite her to Christmas dinner?'

Martyr: 'Yeah, well, it's Christmas and you should be grateful you even have a MIL! Mine died before DH was born, he had to be gestated in someone's handbag.'

The cat ripped all the presents open and knocked over the tree

Bagsy that one. We have 4 x 8 month old kittens and we haven't put the tree up yet, because I fear what they will do to it.

First year we had cats, they did open a load of presents, trying to find the catnip mice someone had bought them.

We also have one whose party trick is chewing through the cable for the lights. Thank fuck for low voltage.

Have you got the "parent of DS's classmate is cross with me because my DS told the classmate that Santa isn't real, and they wanted to keep the magic going for another year"? At which point we discover they're in year 8.

... don't forget the person who always comes on threads like this for telling you how sad/lonely/bitter/awful you are for posting threads that make fun of people....

They've already been to this thread! Bingo!

I loved this thread by the way. I normally find that numbest gets a bit dull at Christmas but now I'm going to play thread bingo!

Haven't seen a "SIL is charging us for Christmas lunch" one yet this year.

And let's not forget the inevitable Christmas Day meltdown threads:

My present was crap
DH didn't get me anything, I got him a Porsche
DD told DS Santa isn't real on Christmas morning

The cat ripped all the presents open and knocked over the tree
MIL said my sprouts were over cooked and DH agreed
And a few tipsy MerRy Chris Mass everyone hic threads in the early evening

My favourites are the gift ingrate threads:

Plastic tat
Baylis and Harding horrible stinking blah
Candles
I don’t eat chocolate
We rarely drink
Blankets give me hives
Storage
Will go straight to the charity shop/be regifted/used to line the dog’s basket/go on the compost heap

You forgot “I’m three days pregnant, can I eat brussel sprouts?”

I got my bingo card ready a couple of weeks ago, when I posted on a thread about the futility of people exchanging money and vouchers as Christmas gifts:

Plus when we get to Christmas we'll have all the 'DH didn’t get me anything, only spent £5, 50, 500 on me, spent a fortune on things I don't like when we can barely pay the bills, spent more on MIL than his own wife, bought my present from the garage on the way home from his works do, didn't get his family anything and now MIL hates me, left everything to me and didn't like what I'd bought everyone, MIL bought DH a fancy watch but got me a tea towel and oven gloves set whinging and angst and yet some people still think that exchanging presents with other adults is a nice thing to do at Christmas

What about the multiple "AIBU to insist that Santa is frightfully horrid, common and American 😱, we shall only refer Father Christmas (Pere Noel at a push), and we should rebuild Hadrian's Wall to keep out the disgusting riffraff who maintain that Santa is a perfectly reasonable, established traditional figure".

SmuggyMcKnobson you’ll be hearing from my lawyer

I get a bit nostalgic over the phrase “cheap nasty plastic” which now seems to have been completely taken over by the phrase “plastic tat”

The posters who moan about MIL buying smoky charity shop shit always have to completely over egg how virtuous they are to negate the anti charity shop post. For example “we buy 100% only second hand Joules, are all vegan, walk and cycle everywhere and donate more to food banks than we consume ourselves. Our house is 0% plastic and I litter pick 40 hours a week and wear jumpers instead of putting heating on. I also donate 80% of my income to charity so please don’t think I’m not doing my bit. The problem is MIL buys second hand Next and all the clothes are pink filly shit whereas DD only likes blue and green dungarees with dinosaurs on obviously”

The elf, oh my god the elf! Thread after thread of the enthusiastic with their North Pole breakfasts and elves getting up to all sorts of hilarious japes, versus the elf haters with their plastic tat Christmas lasts too long awful American import rants.

raw yet burnt turkey

Ah you wouldn't have this worry if you were vegan ( Head tilt , tinkly little laugh etc)
If old turkey neck was running about the yard undead , it wouldn't matter if he was raw

When someone innocently posts that they'd like to do something nice and festive for their 3yo ...................................

Is this a THING ?
Buying Christmas Eve Hampers , December 1st Hampers ?

What's wrong with just having a present on the 25th? Y'know actual Christmas .
What next ? Boxing Day Hampers ?
It's all just commercialism gone mad , greedy , grasping , plastic tat .

And the obsession with Hot Fecking Chocolate ?

Beauty advent calendars ? Just more plastic waste . Things you don't need . How old are you ? 4?

And that creepy little fecker The Elf On The Shelf .
Grassing the DC up to FC . And I don't have the time or energy to arrange him every bloody night .

WHO THINKS OF THIS SHIT ?

And - I loved the one who said if you;ve got money to burn, buy presents for children who don't have anything
Erm.... I do . And it;s my money , I earn it , I'll spend it how I like

Actually , I DO the hampers on Dec 1st . My DC love them, they're 240 months and 210 months old .
Do I care what others think ?
Bovvered ? Not bovvered .

Haven't you missed the "what do you put in your Christmas Eve box"?

The Smugs and environmental don't have them
The just a little somethings..just have new matching pjs, marshmallows and hot chocolate, mug, video to snuggle together , board game , and sometimes some crafty stuff just to help while the hours away

Yes - and bonus points have been scored. 😀

We currently have the piles of plastic tat v one wooden toy, a book and an orange thread. What kind of parent weeds out the undesirable presents and takes them to the charity shop without the kids even seeing them? Talk about passive aggressive control freaks.

Ooh I thought of another couple! - the supermarket delivery slot and the substitutions threads.
The “All the slots are gone” and “the Margot-like despair that the supermarket haven’t delivered the correct jeroboam of champagne and Christmas had been ruined”.

Have we had the duel nativity play ones yet? OMG someone’s toddler was shouting all through the nativity and I missed hearing my four year old lisping their one line versus OMG the school banned younger siblings so I missed seeing my four year old picking their nose while dressed in a camel onesie .