Your most batshit parenting moments?

I’ve posted these before but these threads are always worth joining in for a laugh.

Took the bloody gro-egg room thermometer EVERYWHERE with us, until DS was at least 18 months. I remember a weekend away in a B&B in Wales when I panicked because there weren’t enough sockets to plug it in. Because obviously I’d lost the ability to judge ambient temperature and DS might have frozen or overheated without me noticing....

Also the time I called NHS Direct (as it was) because newborn DS had been asleep for 5 hours and the HV had told me should be feeding every 4 hours. What a neurotic twat I was!

The most batshit crazy I felt was when DS was only a couple of weeks old, he had mild reflux. He'd just had a bottle then thrown up some but it looked really dramatic so I think it traumatised meHe then settled down and fell asleep in my arms. I cried because he looked too stillI don't even know what that means!

I did lots of loopy things, including completely losing my shit with the sun in a minor heatwave; we're talking shaking my fist at it and swearing and threatening it in an incoherent rage. I felt it was shining too strongly on my baby in her pram. She had sunscreen on, the pram had an angled sunshade and we lived in not exactly tropical Northumberland.

I do find these threads so very touching though. The raw love and protective instinct of the new parent. You forget just how hard it hits you.

Telling then do to wash all the baby stuff as soon as he got home from the hospital after and 8 week prem birth, and when we did actually go home (4 weeks later) making a meds chart similar to the one we had in scbu for meds. Although I don't think the second was batshit as dd was on 2 hour mixed feeds with some meds needing time space between them and me and then dp tag teaming

I remember reading on here a few years ago about a poster who would put the wet wipes on the radiator to warm up before she used them on her baby

Oh god thinking about this and they’re all coming back to me

I packed the baby’s hospital bag for DC2, learning from the first time I co ordinated the outfits together in the bag so the grey elephant hat was next to the grey elephant sleep suit, numpty DH managed to get the navy elephant hat and the grey sleepsuit so the first pics of me holding him and all I can still notice is that the hat doesn’t match

when she

I also remember having a massive tantrum to my mum about why my fucking sister had thought it was a good idea to visit when we had a cold, did she not realise she could oass the germs on?!! He was about two at the time and at nursery three days a week, cold germs should have been the least of my worries when you think about the cesspit that is a toddler room at nursery

PFB arrived during a very hot summer. The nursery thermometer was off the scale, I remember being so worried about it and stressing to the midwife that I couldn't turn the weather outside down.

I know, it made perfect sense at the time !

It was such a brilliant example of new mum logic

mini cross posted!!
Glad I’m memorable

With DC1 in my sleep deprived state I could never remember properly when the midwives and health visitor asked how much milk he was taking and how his nappies were so I came up with the genius idea of getting a notebook and writing down everything. I made DH fill it in too, it worked great and I felt more in control, just not sure why I kept it up for 5months and also kept them, found them the other day in a drawer and he’s 7 soon

I had read somewhere that as a general rule to make sure baby was warm enough but didn’t overheat they should be wearing 1 more layer than you. I got PFB ready to go out in the pram and noticed we were wearing the same number of layers - so I did the only sensible thing and took my coat off before we left.

Once My SIL phoned and was talking about her vvvvvvvvv PFB being poorly, she said she couldn’t wait until Monday (it was Saturday). I asked why and she told me that her baby would be 3 months old then and could have calpol.

Themaze I did that too, woke up thinking I’d lost or dropped or squashed the baby. I think it’s quite common when sleep deprived.

Oh I remember one on MN about a mum who’d read the baby should always wear one more layer than you. She got them both ready to go out, realised they were both in the same number of layers and so took her coat off

I remember BFing DD in all sorts of odd circumstances to try to help her to nap (she has resisted every single nap, ever). Eg took her out for a long walk in the buggy to get her to sleep, realised after a while she’d be getting hungry, so bent over the parked buggy and got boob out... 🙈

I took a room thermometer whenever I went to my mums house, so that I could check that the room was at the optimum temperature, and would get my mum to open windows or turn on the heating depending on what it was reading. Never occurred to me to add or remove layers from dd

Ha! The instructions I left for whoever was going to end up looking after DC1 when I went into hospital to have DC2 (different people depending on when it might happen) ran to two sides of closely typed A4!
It ended up being my SIL and her husband and I think they thought it was hysterically funny. I imagine they ignored 95% of it, and DC1 was all the better for that.

Not sure if this counts but have just remembered this one.

I woke up in the middle of the night frantic I had lost the baby.

I started to cry and was wailing the words "I have lost the baby"

DH kindly said "sweetheart, DC is asleep, next to you, in the crib, where you put them"

DC was an awful sleeper at night and would only have 10-20 mins naps during the day.

Not really my batshit moment...but Sil and her dh insisted their first baby must wear a hat, even in the shade due to 'secondary sunshine'.
Of course dc 2 and 3 did not need to worry about 'secondary sunshine'

When mil occasionally babysat, I used to write out dc1's routine with hour by hour, minute by minute instructions 🙈

My mum lived 100 miles away. We went up to visit for the first time and stay for a night. My Mum's best friend came over, excited (as was Mum) to meet Mum's first grandchild. But she arrived as we were bathing the little one upstairs. And I refused to bring her down after her bath so BF could meet her, because her routine was bath and then straight into her crib. And you can't mess with the routine.

Poor Mum. Poor best friend. I'm horrified that I did that to them both.

I ironed every piece of cloth that DS1 might come into contact with. Couldn't possibly have him irritated by a crumpled muslin, scrunched up bath towel or a wrinkle in his cloth nappies.

He was a baby who couldn't be put down to sleep either (bad reflux unless he was completely vertical) so I would give him to DH as soon as he came home and frantically iron and cook before his cluster feeding time started and after that head to bed where he spent the whole night latched on. Why on earth was I was wasting the only time in the day that I wasn't in contact with him doing the ironing? I developed an aversion to ironed fabric when I was pregnant with my younger one and I i don't think DS2 encountered an ironed piece of cloth until he was about 18 months old.

You could have some bracelets made @feelinghelplesstoday

@Sparklingbrook yep 6 kids here and saved all their teeth 😂😂. Put them in their memory boxes to freak them out too 😂😂

Just remembered another one. When I was washing DDs stuff ahead of her arrival there were tiny black flecks of fibres on her mattress sheets, left over from doing a dark wash just before. I freaked out that she couldn't possibly sleep on these sheets in case she inhaled one of the fibres so they all had to be washed again!