Your most batshit parenting moments?

One last post.... this post is bringing back some of my finest parenting moments.

I made my husband travel from London to Wales to stay in a holiday home because the property had a stair gate... it rained for 11 days.

I was banned from booking the holidays after that

@KateK00 your mum sounds great!

First born and when his dad went back to work after paternity I didn't know how to go to the toilet. I couldn't leave him asleep downstairs in the moses basket as you never leave a baby alone but I didn't want to wake him just so I could pee. So I held it in until he woke himself up. I told my partner and he looked at me like I was crazy. Surely he would have been ok asleep in a secure Moses basket for the one minute it would take to pee.

With my first DS I was terrified of bathing him in the actual bath because it was so big and he was so slippery when wet that I was convinced I’d drop him and he’d drown, so I always bathed him in the sink as I didn’t have a baby bath. This continued until he was 20 months, sturdy, walking confidently and also much too big for the sink! My mum came round and was in hysterics that I was still doing it. I stood outside the bathroom door sobbing while she gave DS his first proper bath. She came round every day that week to help me get used to doing it on my own. I was an idiot but I love my mum!

I ADORE this thread, I remember laying on the sofa with layers of muslins over my face to ensure baby wouldn't suffocate. I'm sure there are many many more, children eh lol!

I'm so glad others have had the ridiculous thought that a bird of prey may swoop down to carry baby away! I knew it was insane but I still thought about it.

Another one. When PFB DS went to my friends house for his first time overnight at four months, I wrote a five page essay on how to get him to go to sleep. She told me recently that at the time she glanced at it, saw the length then put it back in the bag without reading it 😂

Baby 1: made flash cards with letters and numbers on. He was 10 weeks old.

Baby 2: cried in the airport seeing exp off to work. DS was 11 days old and I had never been on my own with both DCs at that point. Was afraid I would get distracted by one and lose the other

When DS was weaning, I turned into a physco health Hitler! I would spend twenty minutes plus standing in an aisle looking at every ingredient and working out the sugar content per mouthful On his first easter, I broke the one tiny egg I'd allowed him, having banned extended family from getting him any, into pieces and let him have one piece every five hours. Another time when he had started solids, I cried and raved at my mum when she admitted she has given him a squirt of ketchup with his meal.

I've chilled out a lot since then, but the ketchup and egg thing makes me curl up cringe everytime I think about it

The sleep deprivation with dc1 made me incredibly delirious at times. He said that I often woke in the night when dc was sleeping soundly in the crib next to me and pass him my hot water bottle for changing and burping. The routine was I would breastfeed, then DH would burp and change.

He said the light was on once and I was supporting the head of the "baby" and ever so gently passing it to him for a change. I became incredibly distressed once when he said that's not the baby, it's the hot water bottle. So in future he just went along with it and shushed me back to sleep

I also did the cooled boiled water and cotton wool for nappy changes with dc1. And no one was allowed to flush the toilet if she was sleeping (to be fair the layout of that flat did mean she would wake up if you did). Ds1 liked grapes, but not grape skins, so I would sit and peel them for him one by one!

She actually seems happy there though and the grey looming sky behind indicated no sunglasses needed. But you live and learn

When I had my first baby I was scared she'd go blind if she was in the swings and staring at the sun so I bought some special baby sun glasses that strapped around the head.... she looked like Stevie Wonder and now looking back at the photo it wasn't that Sunny

DS my 2nd born had horrible reflux and bad tounge tie I'd had 45mins sleep in 4 days finally got DS to have a nap and a bird starts screaming its head off. I took my shoe off to throw at the bird but never went through with it 😂

This thread is solid gold

Sadly I can't claim any appropriate heights of insanity, although I was a bit picky about water and room temperature for a while and did do some breathing checks while sleeping. I lasted about two weeks with cotton wool and water for nappy changes before saying "fuck this", and like most, DC2 was raised in a rather more casual and slapdash manner (one of his first foods was a chocolate chip cookie he swiped from his brother when I wasn't looking). I was furious with MIL when she gave 6mo PFB a tiny taste of chocolate off her finger...

My DH set the fire alarm off whilst cooking when PFB was a few days old, I remember googling like mad to make sure she wouldn’t have damaged her ears!

I also let DS play with an old wooden ornament whilst I was painting my nails, straight in his mouth and all the varnish started coming off... I called 111 to see if I had poisoned him!

Stayed up half the night after taking too much cough medicine and realising one of the active ingredients made its way in to breast milk... thinking again I had poisoned my DC...

I once got irrationally pissed off that my father in law took my son out for the first time in his new McLaren Techno XT pushchair and he actually got the wheels dirty. I was hysterical.

@Sparklingbrook my mum still has all of my teeth in her jewellery box

I also lost my shit with a random lady who opened up my pram hood to touch my baby. He was only 4 weeks old and was my first outing with him as he'd just had life saving surgery with a healing surgical wound. It had taken me so much courage to get out with him.

I practically growled at her like a dog with its hackles raised and dragged my pram away from her...I cringe when I think back as she wasn't to know and my response was bloody ferocious, but lesson learned.....DON'T TOUCH STRANGERS BABIES!!!

stood outside a shop with the child in a pram. Dog's arnt allowed in, are kids?

Even now i hesitate ; madness!!

even now i do some really stupid shit.

I rang my husband- utterly hysterical crying that he needed to come and take baby to hospital this second or I would need to ring an ambulance, that my poor baby was dying etc as he had vomited blood. It was only when my lovely GP dad asked me on the phone (whilst waiting for DH to come from work) that he helped me realise it was MY blood from the cracked and bleeding nipples. Somewhat gross but not dangerous

I had to get anti d injections if I knocked my bump on anything due to my blood type.I brushed passed someone in a shop with my bump and went to the hospital just incase I brushed passed harder than I thought
I was a very anxious pregnant lady!

DS was about 15 months and fell and smacked his head on the corner of the wall. He cried and a lump came up on his head, que lots of panic about going to a & e. DH and I immediately started recreating the incident ourselves and running, then falling and smacking our heads on the wall.

I'm pissing myself laughing about it now but at the time we were deadly serious!!

Oh and also another one with my eldest. I rushed her to the GP on an emergency appointment when she was 10 days old because she had a red bumpy rash all over her face.

My mum told me it was milk spots. My MIL told me it was milk spots. My best friend, mother of four children, told me it was milk spots.

I calmed down when the GP confirmed it was indeed milk spots 🤦‍♀️

Jesus I was insane.