Your most batshit parenting moments?

@ScribblyGum

I now remember crying hysterically to an operator at dpd or Hermes because I had ordered anti colic bottles and they didn't come. I was mix feeding, hadn't slept for weeks. C section, couldn't drive. He was just a young lad, he couldn't help me, but he stayed on the line and listened and phoned me the next day to check I was ok the bottles didn't work. She still didn't sleep, but God I cried that day.

Went puddle jumping with my toddler with DS2 in the sling, then panicked that I might have given him shaken baby syndrome from all the jumping. Even came on MN to check if I should be worried

Frequently went without lunch because I was just sitting on the sofa feeding dd and she'd feed/sleep/feed/sleep and I wouldn't put her down to sleep anywhere in case it woke her up..

When dd1 was a few months old and I was so sleep deprived I think I started to unravel a bit in the having a grip on reality department. One night there was a police helicopter flying repeatedly over our village and I dialled 999 and asked the police to speak to the police helicopter pilot to check he’d put enough fuel in, and if he was running low could he let me know and I’d get dd in the car and drive her to a place of safety.

God that was a bad time. Sleep deprivation is just the absolute worst.

@Thebestdays I did that too! Was absolutely terrified and thought that if I had to bring her to hospital nobody would believe that I had just taken her in her pram on a bumpy path!

@Anniecott we had two kettles-one bought specifically for baby bottle water.

Saved all of the DC's milk teeth as they fell out. Came across them in an envelope many years later and binned them immediately. Ewww.

Dc1- crept around with a deathly hush so as not to disturb sleep.
Dc2- cracked on and hoovered and did whatever else and figured they would wake up if they were ready.....

First night home from hospital- failed breast feeder I had boiled the kettle and was letting it cool to make bottles, hubby flicked it on to make us a coffee, I lost my shit at him as that was my water for bottles and you can't use reboiled water, I made him go to the 24hr Tesco in the middle of the night to get another kettle so as he couldn't screw up my bottles again 😪

@Tiredmum21 I read that too on BabyCentre when I had my 1st.

Finally, the lady who drove to a and e every time she introduced a new food, no allergies just in case.

Why didn't I think of this. Would have saved DDs granny a lot of death stares from me

I love this thread.

A relative is medically trained, so I waited until everytime I see her to introduce what I thought were the most serious of allergies "Can you please watch my DD whilst she eats a strawberry/peanut/egg" I stared at her making sure she stared at DD the whole time. Fuck sake, poor woman 😂

Would skip any sex scenes in films because a 3 day old will certainly be traumatised by it.

God iPad had a mind of its own.

Made her DH put the rain over on and hose her

Not knowing what to do when I went for a wee on my first day at home alone when DS was a newborn and DH went back after paternity.

I took him with me and peed with him in my arms. Like I couldn’t put him down. No idea. Did it this once and this once only!

Also freaking out if he wouldn’t sleep at the same time as it meant he clearly wouldn’t sleep and we’d all be screwed.

I do wish I could go back and enjoy it more without reading all the shit I did!

Oh I love these threads.

Three stick out for me, the shampoo one mentioned. The lady who got inside her pram and made her us and put the rain over on and hose it it check it was waterproof. Finally, the lady who drove to a and e every time she introduced a new food, no allergies just in case. I actually see the logic in it but it makes me smile now.

I don't know for me, I was so so sleep deprived I was crazy. Dh won't change her directly in the changing mat in case her bum gets cold....he puts a towel down.

I was out with my pfb in the pram and came across the smell of a bonfire, so I changed route so as not to damage his lungs

I waited about 5 days before taking DS2 outside. Took about half an hour to get everyone and the pram organised. I got to the end of the street and decided there was too much of a breeze so we all went back home.

@APeakyBlinder That is the sweetest yet funniest thing I've heard in a while. 🐝

I remember taking my new born for a walk in his off road buggy on a stony bumpy path and turning back as I thought he was going to get "shaky baby" syndrome with the wobbly pram...he was fast asleep and probably loving the wobbly motion 😬😬

And also yes to straight to wipes for second baby!

Asking the optician the do an eye test on a six month old because DH wears glasses.

Yes to the cooled boiled water and cotton wool for nappy changes...

My friend genuinely had to show me how she brought her newborn to the supermarket. Her DD was a few weeks older so she'd been out and about more. I literally didn't know what to do with my baby!

Omg. I love this thread!!!

When I listened to Rihanna and Calvin Harris on repeat for the entirety of two hour journey on the M62 rush hour traffic because it stopped my eldest crying as a baby.

Actually pretty much the entire first four months of his life and my constant battle to get him to nap and sleep in the day was just one prolonged spell of batshit craziness.

Using cooled boiled water and cotton wool balls for nappy changes with PFB and the top and tail bowl thing.

DC2-straight to wipes.

When I had my first DC, the first time I took him out in the buggy, I stood outside Sainsbury’s for a good twenty minutes because I suddenly wasn’t sure if you were allowed to bring buggies and prams in

I was genuinely doubting myself and basically hung around outside until I saw another parent go in.