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Original poster

DH's obsession or whatever. It's not normal is it.. what should I do?

510 replies

NewSchmooo · 19/08/2007 19:25

Today there was a mix up at work with my shifts and I came home from work only 45 minutes after I'd left.

I found my DH of 7 years naked on the bed surrounded by all the stainless steel kicten implements that we possess and rubbing a knife sharpener gently up and down an intimate area of his body. He was very aroused. He even had pot pourii candles burning and soft lighting.

I knew something was amiss as soon as I came in because it was so quiet and I just had this intinct but I had been putting the bin out for tomorrow so came in through the conservatory and he didn't hear. I just opened the bedroom door (we live in a bungalow) and there he was.

I know its not another woman but what do I do about this. And the softlighting and stuff; he hasn't made that much effort with me for years.

I don't know what to do. Has anyone ever heard on this? A knife sharpener for goodness sake. I feel sick. Have obviously changed my name for this.

OP posts:
VictorKiam · 19/08/2007 22:31

Of course I have always found this kind of behaviour normal. 'I liked it so much i bought the company..' Except in this case the company was a very special friend who trimmed and trimmed all day long....

Lizzer · 19/08/2007 22:31

And THAT rug...surely a bit of truth in that methinks? NO-ONE could've made that one up, eh shiny??

Boredveryverybored · 19/08/2007 22:29

This is F*kin genius

I read first 1/4 of thread and very almost really pmsl!

Just jumped to end...do people seriously have kitchenware fetishes! LMFAO

Lizzer · 19/08/2007 22:28

RW you scored a blinder with 'Ken would' though

I'm still reeling cos Shiny had me believing there is actually a translation website that translates what you think you heard in German into what is the correct English. How I wish that was true

jaynehater · 19/08/2007 22:27

I hope for your sake no-one knows you and dh in rl, because wind-up royale or not, they're only ever going to trust you with plastic cutlery from now on

boo64 · 19/08/2007 22:27

Where did you get the idea for the deviant behaviour with the kitchen gear from!??

katylui1 · 19/08/2007 22:27

You are a genius - have had no end of laughs - now taking the zester and DH to bed...

ShinyHappyPeopleGoingNuts · 19/08/2007 22:25

That's why I put it on the behaviour thread Persephone.. it would have been wrong to put it on relationships.. and "DH's" behaviour was very ODD you have admit, all things considered.

Poor DH was actually asleep on sofa throughout.

Was lovely pretending to have a bungalow, and an office/garage and a conservatory. And a job!

suwoo · 19/08/2007 22:24

Fuckin' fantastic been roffling all night!! Thanks also to the other hilarious posters (you know who you are)

Renaissancewoman · 19/08/2007 22:24

our telly is broken - thankyou. do you do this regularly. i might cancel my TV licence direct debit

ShinyHappyPeopleGoingNuts · 19/08/2007 22:23

Had to bring in the marigolds to make it more stupid.. lol.

I think it was just luck.. people must be bored and willing to play along on a Sunday eve..

WideWebWitch · 19/08/2007 22:23

pmsl, fantastic thread! Oh come on, own up.

persephonesnape · 19/08/2007 22:22

as regards the 'sympathetic posters' - i think you're all lovely. one of the things that first got me posting on mumsnet was the xmas presents thread - that people who didn't really know each other would go out of their way to make xmas special for other mners.

the fact that people believed shiny happy schmoooo - and wanted to offer advice doesn't mean they're daft for being caught out - it means they are lovely genuine folk who want to offer the benefit of their opinion.

thnk you schmoo/shiny. thank you sympathetic posters.

cocoa anyone? it's ok? i'll microwave it - no milkpan required./

boo64 · 19/08/2007 22:22

Nice one shiny - today was a dreary drizzly day and you cheered us all up. More please!!

Doodledootoo · 19/08/2007 22:22

Message withdrawn

ShinyHappyPeopleGoingNuts · 19/08/2007 22:22

I put

"oh you sexy SEXY piece of steel! Give it to me.. give it to me NOW.. give it to me HARD! Oh! OH! I'm going to..." into the translater...

But didn't think Schmooo ought to remember it all word for word...!

jaynehater · 19/08/2007 22:20

You have a gift.

Blue Marigolds.

DH thought I was having an asthma attack.

Well done

ShinyHappyPeopleGoingNuts · 19/08/2007 22:20

Yeah.. doing the translation initiially and then making Schmooo pronounce it badly was the hard bit.. have no clue about German pronounciation! Thought that'd be a give away when I suddenly translated it back..

amateurarsedoctor · 19/08/2007 22:20

My arse is splendidly appendage free thanks schmoo!

NormaStanleyFletcher · 19/08/2007 22:19

This has been one of the funniest things I have read in ages though

gibberish · 19/08/2007 22:19

This has been the funniest thread EVER on MN! Please, please write a book!

Badly in need of some paracetemol for aching sides now but need to go into my newly fitted stainless steel kitchen now but somehow it feels tainted..

Lizzer · 19/08/2007 22:19

LOL And huge round of applause

Oh and I believed you about the bad German google translation talent too

j20baby · 19/08/2007 22:18

sorry norma, it was just your post about the foil on the other thread

NormaStanleyFletcher · 19/08/2007 22:18

I only guess that because the translation was SOOOOOO good

ShinyHappyPeopleGoingNuts · 19/08/2007 22:18

Didn't expect anyone to fall for it though. Had no clue that people really get off on milk pans and the like!

Seriously thought the garlic press would give it away!

Apologies to the sympathetic posters!