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Original poster

DH's obsession or whatever. It's not normal is it.. what should I do?

510 replies

NewSchmooo · 19/08/2007 19:25

Today there was a mix up at work with my shifts and I came home from work only 45 minutes after I'd left.

I found my DH of 7 years naked on the bed surrounded by all the stainless steel kicten implements that we possess and rubbing a knife sharpener gently up and down an intimate area of his body. He was very aroused. He even had pot pourii candles burning and soft lighting.

I knew something was amiss as soon as I came in because it was so quiet and I just had this intinct but I had been putting the bin out for tomorrow so came in through the conservatory and he didn't hear. I just opened the bedroom door (we live in a bungalow) and there he was.

I know its not another woman but what do I do about this. And the softlighting and stuff; he hasn't made that much effort with me for years.

I don't know what to do. Has anyone ever heard on this? A knife sharpener for goodness sake. I feel sick. Have obviously changed my name for this.

OP posts:
specialmagiclady · 19/08/2007 20:35

Speccy, that picture made my wee-wee a bit tickly... am beginning to see what NewSchmoo's DH sees in it.

Original poster
NewSchmooo · 19/08/2007 20:34

What snot on cuffs about, is that a sexual reference? Sorry don't get it.

I am deeply shocked really. I know it's not another woman but the most adventurous he has ever been before was when we did it here in the garage on top of the grow bags. Now that memory is all sullied

OP posts:
Slouchy · 19/08/2007 20:34

Suggest you wait in the garage for him to come and find you. take you clothes off and assume a pose, possibly shearing your ladygarden with secateurs. Wearing nowt but lusty expression. Then say "What's sauce for the gander is sauce for the goose, dh".

FunkyGlassSlipper · 19/08/2007 20:34

rofl @ weeblewobble's post.

katylui1 · 19/08/2007 20:34

Can't wait any longer, need a wee and DS is 1/2 hour past his bedtime because of this!! Come on!

weebleswobble · 19/08/2007 20:34

I'm going to need a saucepan in a minute. I need the loo but can't possibly leave at this crucial moment!

marthamoo · 19/08/2007 20:34

You don't need Viagra when you have a Delia recommended Mermaid Yorkshire pudding tin...

BBBee · 19/08/2007 20:33

lol weeblewobble.

Original poster
NewSchmooo · 19/08/2007 20:33

No sorry false alarm. It was just junk mail offering me viagra. Bloody ironic.

OP posts:
Cappuccino · 19/08/2007 20:33

are you in the garage did you say?

there are no metal wrenches or anything to distract him with if he does come in?

BBBee · 19/08/2007 20:32

can you see any outcome where you can be okay with this?

I know you are in shock but how bad is it really?

It's a secret and he uses your stuff but he is not hurting or betraying you.

katylui1 · 19/08/2007 20:32

Hmmmm that stirred me...shoudl I be worried? I've always enjoyed new pans...never thought of taking them to the bedroom mind..does sex on the worktop count?

weebleswobble · 19/08/2007 20:32

When he comes in hold a sieve in front of your face. Play him at his own game

NormaStanleyFletcher · 19/08/2007 20:32

Really - A wind up of this quality - are your cuffs snot-ridden?

Please do tell

Fimbo · 19/08/2007 20:32

Awaits reply with baited breath.

Original poster
NewSchmooo · 19/08/2007 20:32

Who is Alan Bennett?

Oh God I just got mail

OP posts:
marthamoo · 19/08/2007 20:32

Though, regards Lakeland, you could send in one of those "satisfied customer" letters that they dot extracts from throughout the catalogue...

Dear Lakeland,

I'd just like to say how much I have enjoyed rubbing your knife sharpener/milk pan/Zyliss garlic press [I assume it's a Zyliss] up and down my throbbing manhood. It enables me to finish the job in half the time!

Sincerely,

NewSchmoooo's dh.

southeastastra · 19/08/2007 20:31

it's probably because it feels cold blimey schmoo!

policywonk · 19/08/2007 20:31

I think NewSchmoo is Victoria Wood. Or possibly Alan Bennett.

Original poster
NewSchmooo · 19/08/2007 20:31

i don't know what the garlic press could be for but I am tortured by the image of it in his gloved left hand. And his eyes screwed shut.

He must have read the email. that pc makes the noise of Homer Simpson when an email arrives; you can't miss it. I am nervous. I don't want him to come our here. I need to be in control.

OP posts:
weebleswobble · 19/08/2007 20:30

When you replace the garlic press, don't get one of those Garlic Cards - they're crap but then..no, shut up Weeble.

Speccy · 19/08/2007 20:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

katylui1 · 19/08/2007 20:30

This can't be a wind up, I've googled it ffs!

Doodledootoo · 19/08/2007 20:29

Message withdrawn

katylui1 · 19/08/2007 20:29

Will someone please tell me how you 'use' a garlic press? I just don't get it.