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Original poster

DH's obsession or whatever. It's not normal is it.. what should I do?

510 replies

NewSchmooo · 19/08/2007 19:25

Today there was a mix up at work with my shifts and I came home from work only 45 minutes after I'd left.

I found my DH of 7 years naked on the bed surrounded by all the stainless steel kicten implements that we possess and rubbing a knife sharpener gently up and down an intimate area of his body. He was very aroused. He even had pot pourii candles burning and soft lighting.

I knew something was amiss as soon as I came in because it was so quiet and I just had this intinct but I had been putting the bin out for tomorrow so came in through the conservatory and he didn't hear. I just opened the bedroom door (we live in a bungalow) and there he was.

I know its not another woman but what do I do about this. And the softlighting and stuff; he hasn't made that much effort with me for years.

I don't know what to do. Has anyone ever heard on this? A knife sharpener for goodness sake. I feel sick. Have obviously changed my name for this.

OP posts:
policywonk · 19/08/2007 21:05

Is the cat a metaphor?

I'm really hoping that 'the back door is open' is not a metaphor

Idobelieveinfairies · 19/08/2007 21:04

It bloody stings when it goes in your eyes.

weebleswobble · 19/08/2007 21:04

PMSL Capuccino

Theclosetpagan · 19/08/2007 21:03

Why is the cat watching him?

specialmagiclady · 19/08/2007 21:03

My eye swelled up like I'd been punched and I started to gabble "maybe we could pretend we were having a food fight - I'll chuck some chocolate mousse at you.... you chuck some spinach roulade at me...".

To which he said "don't be so ridiculous" and walked out of the room. Leaving me alone in this room coated in spunk...

Cappuccino · 19/08/2007 21:03

is it a Velux?

alucard · 19/08/2007 21:03

How is it better to wash a throw than wash the sheets?

Beauregard · 19/08/2007 21:02

oh oh oh oh nearly there

Original poster
NewSchmooo · 19/08/2007 21:02

My mum bought the throw back from Mexico cappincino seeing as you asked. I think it was from a local market. I don't tell her what we use it for. or used it.

I don't know what he is doing. I have just seem him walk from the kitchen to the lounge and back again three times. The cat is just watching him.

OP posts:
weebleswobble · 19/08/2007 21:02

No tarpaulin?

policywonk · 19/08/2007 21:02

Why you lookin' out of the skylight, schmoo?

alucard · 19/08/2007 21:02

You sucked someone off next to a buffet at a party that your mam was at? I have a strange admiration for you

FunkyGlassSlipper · 19/08/2007 21:02

lol @ special. semen on suede is not good. did it stain?

NS - a throw? to catch semen? I just wash the sheets

weebleswobble · 19/08/2007 21:01

Heavens to Betsy!!! Not suede!!!

cousinsandra · 19/08/2007 21:00

heehee, bolero

Cappuccino · 19/08/2007 21:00

a throw?

from the White Company?

specialmagiclady · 19/08/2007 21:00

Sorry, baby cried.

Right so anyway I get down to some action and "le moment juste" arrives. I pull my head away and the gentleman's "gentleman's relish" goes in my eye, onto the shoulder of my bolero, over my shoulder onto my new purple suede shoes.

Did I mention that my mum was at the party?

Original poster
NewSchmooo · 19/08/2007 20:59

No we DON'T get semen on the bedding! We have a throw we use for that kind of thing if he is not planning to ejaculate inside me. Don't other people??!

But I can't think about that now. Clearly I am surplas to requirements. And oh God I think we'll have to have a new bed. Or I will.

The back door is still open and the cat is sitting in the door way. He is no longer in the bedroom but I can't see him in the kitchen. I am standing on the filing caninet looking out of the sky light

OP posts:
Doodledootoo · 19/08/2007 20:59

Message withdrawn

weebleswobble · 19/08/2007 20:59

Quick get the cling film out - don't take any chances with your back door!

katylui1 · 19/08/2007 20:58

Thinking of you schmoo...

Cappuccino · 19/08/2007 20:58

unnecessary details

like the brand of bloody equipment for starters and the make of your kitchen

and then just as we might be getting bored, you bring in the garlic press

keeping the readers' interest, v good

have you been on a course?

cousinsandra · 19/08/2007 20:58

'back door' - please clarify ... is this an analogy?? I'm already quite lost...

Beauregard · 19/08/2007 20:57

Weebleswobble-Egg cupnot sure he would get the same patterned effect?

Slouchy · 19/08/2007 20:57

Oh specialmagiclady do NOT click on pelvicfnm's link. It might prove too much for your weewee.