Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Mumsnet classics

Relive the funniest, most unforgettable threads. For a daily dose of Mumsnet’s best bits, sign up for Mumsnet's daily newsletter.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

Center Parcs - I thought it was to be kept within my marriage

231 replies

BathshebaKnickerStickers · 17/10/2019 17:09

My family are currently at Center Parcs because we are Scottish, on holiday and we come every year.

Dd ages 15 and add age 13 and I went to the pool at Center Parcs at the busiest time of the week and we are somewhat regretting this choice. It was like people soup, and I have seen every body shape imaginable today ( and honestly no-one cares I know, I cart this awful body around). Anyway, the rapids are our favourite, however it’s possible to get stuck at various points ( we give them names - The pool of unbearable sadness, Dumpy Mermaid gulch, the eddy of despair etc) and at those points it’s possible to get split up from your own friends and family and end up engulfed in the arms and legs of other parties....suffice to say, what happens at Center Parcs stays at Center Parcs, and I suspect some lovely young mid twenties boys who go to the gym may have been turned off women for life.....

I knew that a certain amount of specific intimacy is expected at Center Parcs, however I thought it was supposed to be with my husband and not some student boys from Stafford in the rapids....

OP posts:
spaniorita · 17/10/2019 18:38

Imagine the horror of landing on your FIL. Go on - Imagine the slippy, slidey, hairy nippled horror it.

JulietTango · 17/10/2019 18:35

Well look on the bright side, it'll be busier next week at elveden when it's half term in the local schools Smile

But yes there is a point in the rapids where you have no control over your decent

WillYouDoTheFandango · 17/10/2019 18:31

I’ve never been to Center parks but I did have a traumatising experience in the wave pool at Disneyworld in Florida.

A Dutch man was knocked over by the wave and managed to give me a wedgie so severe I was lucky not to be scarred and he whipped my bikini bottoms to my knees as he right himself. Luckily I was only 25 and my arse was not yet the size of a double decker bus so it wasn’t as bad as it could be.

BuildBuildings · 17/10/2019 18:28

I've never been. I don't have kids! But I'm now wondering if its massive appeal is actually about something other than I thought! Great post!

OhioOhioOhio · 17/10/2019 18:25

Reckon you made their day!

Original poster
BathshebaKnickerStickers · 17/10/2019 18:24

Yep. It’ll save you a fortune

OP posts:
Chunkers · 17/10/2019 18:23

Can you go to CP without DC? Grin

Soubriquet · 17/10/2019 18:18

Could be worse...

I was at butlins doing the foot shredder pirates climb over the children’s pool.

A man in front of me...he really needed to get new swim shorts.

At one point I had a perfectly good view of his bare arse.

He was constantly pulling them up and because it wasn’t wide enough to pass by him...and dd wasn’t quick enough to keep going in front, I had to view his hairy arse for 15 freaking mins

MaureenSowerbutts · 17/10/2019 18:17

I'm off to CP on a Monday. Whenever on the rapids I always end up crashing arse first into a man with too much body hair!

movehimintothesun · 17/10/2019 18:15

We went to centre parcs earlier this year. We set off down the rapids as a family of 4. But as you say, it's easy to get separated and out of control.....

My DH collided with a slightly larger lady in front, who was quite apparently already having a VERY BAD TIME going down the fast section, and spun her round so she was now head first and backwards. My DD's then caught up with her and had to dive underneath to avoid a collision. Which left me, following behind, and rapidly gaining on this poor lady, who was now legs in the air like a drowning turtle, with me headed with horrible inevitably towards her gusset.....

When we reached the bottom pool, I'm really not sure who was most traumatised 😬😂.

Original poster
BathshebaKnickerStickers · 17/10/2019 18:13

@JulietTang - I’m at Elveden, my cousin is at Sherwood

OP posts:
JulietTango · 17/10/2019 18:11

Ok, now i have to know which centre parks you're at?Grin

Original poster
BathshebaKnickerStickers · 17/10/2019 18:10

Center Parcs Russian Roulette....

Could be a lovely young man.... or another mummy....if it helps, you never need see them again

OP posts:
Original poster
BathshebaKnickerStickers · 17/10/2019 18:08

Maybe they could make it a selling point....

Charge more for potential intimacy with strangers.

My cousin is also Scottish. She is also at Center Parcs albeit a different one to me

OP posts:
bananaskinsnomnom · 17/10/2019 18:06

One of my most haunting memories......all control lost......hurdling round that last corner bend of the rapids......and there ahead of me, the man with more body hair then I ever thought possible, desperately trying to haul his shorts that little bit further up his backside.....
Escape was now impossible. I turned myself as much as I could to avoid a face full our backsides met each other, and I felt the hairy back against mine.....and down we went into the pool. My innocence was gone.

Pandaintheporridge · 17/10/2019 17:59

I've never seen this in the centreparcs tv adverts!

Gazelda · 17/10/2019 17:52

I've never been to Center Parcs 😢
But I've accidentally had a wardrobe malfunction in the pool at Stevenage.

VisionQuest · 17/10/2019 17:43

Hehe yes I've had many an embarrassing moment on the rapids.

Including being sucked back around a particular corner for well over 5 mins ad the rest of our party floated away into the distance, ramming my toes into some poor unsuspecting mans back and half drowning a child as I flailed about trying to save myself.

crustycrab · 17/10/2019 17:40

😂 love it. We're at Center Parcs because we are Scottish Grin

SleepyKat · 17/10/2019 17:31

My favourite thing about CP. Grin

Dh found a chicken fillet/bra insert in the bottom pool once. Pretended it was a fish and was flapping it at the kids who were squealing. Life guard wasn’t impressed.

ilovetofu · 17/10/2019 17:31

Isn't there a whole thread on here somewhere about "going to Centreparcs" ???🤣🤣🤣

CarolDanvers · 17/10/2019 17:28

It's all about timing on The Rapids. I send my children down first and countdown a good five to ten seconds before I lower my bulk in. This has ensured I am only ever cushioned by my own dear children at various intervals on the circuit. It's an expensive mini break, is CP, sadly my children are not in a position to pay their share, so controlling their mother's progress down the rapids is their contribution. I only ever go on three times anyway and then retire to our cabana with my kindle.

Rubychard · 17/10/2019 17:27

It does have to be said I have flashed my boobs at centre Paris totally unintentionally as part of a wardrobe malfunction.

New swimsuit purchased at hideous cost from onsite shop.

cardamoncoffee · 17/10/2019 17:23

Maybe that is why CP is so expensive? It's an undercover swingers venue... "Meet you at the Dumpy Mermaid Gulch" wink wink

Haven et al is for the pearl clutchers and bosom hoikers.

wheretoyougonow · 17/10/2019 17:19

Sorry, I got stuck at your first sentence. Is Centre Parcs compulsory if you are Scottish GrinGrin