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to share the things my BIL has moaned about whilst staying at our house for the past 3 days?

629 replies

BanKittenHeels · 15/09/2019 15:50

Amazon Prime Video doesn’t have the new Quentin Tarantino film that has just come out at the cinema. Ergo Amazon Prime is a waste of money.

The shower screen in the guest bathroom has a stationary rather than hinged shower screen.

That someone used the loo in the middle of the night and he could hear them flush - his bedroom door was 3/4 open.

We have stair gates, so our children don’t break their necks. “Really inconvenient”

The Thai restaurant sent us too many prawn crackers. They sent an appropriate amount for the number of people, actually.

My deodorant is blue. And what?

We don’t have an endless supply of spare clothes in his size and to his taste.

His hair was still in the shower in his en suite when he went back to use it the next day.

The towels I put out for him are white.

Our front gate is too squeaky.

The planes overhead are too low.

We have too many rugs.

He can hear traffic when in the garden.

Our dogs won’t cuddle him.

Our children wear shorts.

The settings of the seats in the car we lent him weren’t to his liking.

He doesn’t like the preset radio stations on our car radio.

My DH (his brother) “doesn’t wear a hat”??????

We don’t have his very specific music taste available to him on vinyl, although we did think to search out appropriate Spotify playlists for him but “that’s not quite the same authenticity”.

The local swimming pool (in a large city) keeps “provincial, British hours”.

Microwave steamers are “excessive gadgets”. Then 30 minutes later, “I suppose you could steam veg in your steamer, have you thought of that?” No shit!

None of the 3 duvets we offered him were suitable.

I use my inhaler too frequently.

Why do I have rosehip oil in the bathroom, it’s of no use to anyone.

Confused HmmAngry

OP posts:
Brefugee · 16/09/2019 10:13

the OP reminded me of Things My Girlfriend And I Have Argued About from waaaay back when the internet was in its infancy.

And also Skippy's List

I hope the OP also achieves Internet Notariety.

narkedinNI · 16/09/2019 09:53

My ex husband was like this. He could make misery out of the most joyous occasion and find fault with the most mundane. The final straw for me was when he had had a suspected heart attack and was in hospital and complaining that the life-saving drip was dripping too slowly. He then complained that the ambulance journey hadn't been smooth enough because the tarmac on the road was too lumpy. I knew at that point that he was going to live and that I couldn't stand it anymore.

Ghostontoast · 16/09/2019 09:47

What’s the chance his wife will message she doesn’t want him to come back!

sashh · 16/09/2019 09:45

@Bookworm

if you freeze the body first it is virtually impossible to find as long as

a) you don't leave IDon the body and b)you don't hire it in your own name with a credit card.

Zoidbergonthehalfshell · 16/09/2019 09:38

You should totally twat him if he disrespects your brisket.

@PommePoire Grin

Lyrical. Absolutely lyrical.

Bookworm4 · 16/09/2019 09:36

@highheels
The wood chipper is surprisingly unmessy, if it’s body just stand back from the ‘spray’ 😉 reasonably self contained.

highheelsandbobblehats · 16/09/2019 09:10

This thread is absolute gold. Have nominated it for Classics.

I was going to offer my car with enormous boot but it's already been raised to a van and woodchipper (although that sounds messy). I'll be there to help you roll the body up though.
@BanKittenHeels I have to say that you sound amazing to have taken it all in your stride.

The rest of you are evil geniuses.

Also, blue deodorant? That's a thing?

sashh · 16/09/2019 09:04

Does he think he is on four in a bed?

Just keep writing it down OP you can rewrite it into a sit com. It could be the next Faulty Towers.

Regulars on the 'is anyone awake' threads know I'm always awake early morning with coffee and tea, I could come round at 4.00am and deliver coffee to him, insisting he has placed the order and demanding payment.

Bigmango · 16/09/2019 08:55

Bopping him on the head with a soup spoon, shouting ARSE, saying “oh do fuck off Trevor”...all excellent suggestions. My own would be to sing “I’ve got a song that’ll get on your nerves” after every complaint. Or a cattle prod.

RightYesButNo · 16/09/2019 08:48

I think I’ve read all your comments, @BanKittenHeels, but maybe I missed the biggest question of all somehow: WHY (thefuck) do you let him stay with you ever and WHY (thefuck) is he staying with you now?

KUGA · 16/09/2019 08:43

Oh so sorry BIL but the peas are green the cabbage is blue but you can now choose what colour carrots you prefer .
GET THE MESSAGE ?. if you don`t knacker nuts will.

TheMustressMhor · 16/09/2019 08:28

He isn’t autistic, he’s just a gobshite

I have to say that this is my single most favourite comment ever seen on a MN thread.

Snog · 16/09/2019 08:26

Humour is your best defence

justilou1 · 16/09/2019 08:19

OMG, the moaning’s bad enough, add in the treating you like staff and then MANSPLAINING WASPS!!!

Poisonomg would be too kind

Fanciedachange1 · 16/09/2019 07:49

Thank you so much op! I have an unwanted houseguest too but yours sounds so much worse!

We could do a swap if you need a bit of a break, I don’t have many rugs and my dog cuddles everyone!

IrenetheQuaint · 16/09/2019 07:49

The Giant Jam Sandwich approach to wasp trapping isn't realistic? Shock I refuse to accept this.

CucinaBreakfast · 16/09/2019 07:40

THIS is what mn is for.

You poor bastard. I'm glad you can laugh it off.

My FIL is similar, I've taken to ignoring it but can't quite yet laugh as the seething anger takes over. Maybe after 20 years I'll have evolved to your superior state of serenity! 🤞

JohnnyMcGrathSaysFuckOff · 16/09/2019 07:07

CurlyGirl and joyful

It was The Giant Jam Sandwich. Apparently wasps aren't actually that aggressive, they don't chase people like that, and the logistics of trapping like that wouldn't work.

He interrupted me reading to DD to tell me this. She was just under 2 at the time and just goggled at him as did I

pinkstripeycat · 16/09/2019 06:32

😂 Send him home

QOD · 16/09/2019 06:17

OMG love this 😂

My dh is empty glass with the water tipped over on the floor kinda guy, my glass is between half full and brimming - every now and then I call him
Victor .. your bils glass is shattered innit.
What a corker! Is he staying with you for work reasons?

TixieLix · 16/09/2019 05:36

Keep calling him Victor by accident. When he asks you why you’re doing it say he reminds you of a family friend (Victor Meldrew).

tympanic · 16/09/2019 01:34

Oh. Just read he is married. Poor, poor woman.

managedmis · 16/09/2019 01:33

My FIL does have form for moaning : the butter isn't soft enough, hob not clean enough, why don't you have fruit knives, you need a four slice toaster, an nauseum, but your BIL takes the frigging cake.

managedmis · 16/09/2019 01:30

He isn’t autistic, he’s just a gobshite.

^^

Gold Grin

And best of all, the National Trust property we visited was full of people during the day who obviously didn't work. He is retired. hmm
^^

Tee hee.

I want to know more about his wife. She's obviously sharp, as she's sent him off to live somewhere else for a while.

tympanic · 16/09/2019 01:29

He sounds a lot like my BIL. Absolute charmer. Wonder why he can’t seem to hold onto a girlfriend... Hmm

I’m guessing your BIL is similarly single.