To think I might actually die trying to sort out DM's iPhone?

FiL genuinely believes he is a tech expert and will insist on buying all the latest gadgets which he cannot use at all. We get called to their house at least once a week to sort out the terrible problems that the devices are causing. He’ll regularly hark back to the days of XP, which was the best software ever produced and Microsoft have continuously shot themselves in the foot since then by trying to improve things when they should have realised they had achieved perfection and stopped there. He also talks about the amazing desktop computer he bought in 1993 – he was an early adopter of technology you see and the first person he knew to have internet installed in his house). The trouble is, he kept that desktop, along with its dial-up broadband until 2011 when he was finally persuaded that it was old tech and he should upgrade. Since then, he’s had two laptops which have caused no end of trouble and he now refuses to even open them as he’s scared they will catch a virus. Honestly I’ve never known a man so susceptible to computer hacks and viruses, everything that could possibly have gone wrong with these laptops has done and, of course, this would never have happened with his trusty old desktop.

He doesn’t trust the internet, believing by default that if anything is published online is automatically fake news because the internet is written by kids having a laugh. So even if he sees something incredibly basic and in most people’s general knowledge like, say, the capital of France is Paris, he’ll hum and haw about how there might be a trick going on somewhere. His arguments with Alexa are something to behold. This obviously begs the question why he is so determined to own so many tech devices and be so connected at all and the only answer I can find is that it is about keeping up with the Joneses and showing that he can afford these things, pretending he can use them(!) and is therefore better than his peers.

He has an iphone (obviously) but frequently deletes his favourite apps, including the internet or his email app which causes panic and an emergency visit to reinstall things. Recently he had to complete an online questionnaire for travel insurance and didn’t know how to “put a cross (X) next to applicable answers”. We had to go round to help him and explain that there is no special X symbol for this purpose. The letter X is the same as any other X but he was still sceptical – how would the insurance company know that he meant to put a cross and not simply a letter X. This could completely muck up his insurance. Around the same time, MiL was having an issue with booking flights online because the computer had deleted her email address. Turned out she was receiving an error message saying she had input an incorrect email address and this was because she had used commas instead of full stops (MiL,2@gmail,com). She still shakes her head in disbelief, laughing about how the internet is supposed to be so clever and yet couldn’t work this out, I mean, commas and full stops are basically the same thing. They are in awe of our ability to solve these problems and tell everyone that I have “a very high up job in computers”. I don’t work in IT at all.

A few weeks ago, he called us in a panic because his bank account had been hacked. He was obviously angry that he had lost money (£2k!) but was more worried that the same thing would happen to us because we have far less money to start with than him (he can afford to lose with £2k without losing sleep). DH and I asked him to talk us through what happened and he said they received a call from the bank on their landline, saying there was a computer virus which was affecting their bank account so they dutifully followed the man’s instructions, logging into their bank account online and telling him their password and account details. They then watched their balance change in real time as the nice man made a test payment to them of £2 to check the connection was there but then when he reversed that, he must have made a mistake because he removed £2000 rather than just the £2. The nice man reassured him that everything was ok and it would get sorted but it make take a few days. FiL wanted to know exactly when he would see the money back in his account because he’s not in the habit of opening the laptop every day. He only switches it on when he really needs to because otherwise viruses get it, don’t you know. Because the man couldn’t give him a definite date and time to check again, MiL decided to phone their local branch from her mobile to see if they could provide an answer . They obviously told them to hang up the call immediately and froze their account, telling them they almost lost a hell of a lot more than £2k. What really confused us about this story is that PiL have both been vocally opposed to online banking over the years and said they would never sign up to such a thing. When we questioned this, FiL said that of course he doesn’t do online banking. He just has an app that lets him check his balance from the laptop but he would never do online banking. He also believes that throughout this saga, the laptop was the thing at fault. The hack had nothing at all to do with him giving away his personal details, it was because the laptop was too easy to break into (and this would never have happened with the old desktop). He then got really paranoid that the hackers would still be in his laptop and going through all his photos so he deleted everything and threw the laptop away. He’s now replaced it with a Samsung Galaxy Tab but has still got that app which is definitely not online banking but allows him to look at his account balances.

My dad hates talking on the phone so texting and now WhatsApping have been a godsend for him, he does relevant emojis and everything.

Social media, not so much. They don't want to be 'public' so the Facebook account is in the cat's name. They are convinced that 'people you may know' is basically your mates turning up uninvited and rubbing their faces on your window.

But we didn't ASK them!

I work in a public building with signs all over it saying please don't use your mobile phone. Ringtones go off every ten minutes or so and retirees look round in fury until they realise its their bag making the noise. Fury turns to indignation when they can't turn the blasted thing off. They are absolutely the victim of this.

DM got her first PC in 1999, and within a week was confidently working from the command line. Meanwhile, DF was still struggling with their cordless phone. We bought him a mobile for emergencies as he was terminally ill, and it was used exactly once. He'd fallen in the garden, and a kind passer-by had rung the ambulance on it. I miss him still, and his utter incomprehension of anything more complicated than a light switch.

This thread is gold! My parents have been living in a technology vacuum since around 2003, showing no acknowledgement at all of the way the world has progressed other than very occasionally peppering conversation with some doom and gloom warning about the internet that they’ve picked up from the Daily Fail. The one that sticks in the mind was my cousin (around 19 at the time) being quite proud that he’d mastered a bmx stunt after following youtube tutorials. My dad burst into the conversation, quite upset, declaring that “The You Tubes” cause people to commit suicide and cousin must never ever watch The You Tubes again. Both of them regularly howl in frustration at their own pretty standard landline phone because they can never remember which buttons (green or red) answer and end the calls.

Anyway, despite all this, mum decided about two years ago that she was going to get one of those smartphone things (she’d previously had the same brick since 2002). I recommended the Doro but she took offence at the fact that it was marketed towards old people and instead somehow found and purchased a £10 smartphone from a random brand that nobody had ever heard of. She insisted it would do exactly the same as those fancy iphones but she was not going to pay a ridiculous sum of money for a phone. This thing was utterly unfathomable. DH and I regularly flit between Samsung and iphone models and consider ourselves quite techy but this phone defied logic in usability. Obviously, our inability to use or troubleshoot issues for DM just vindicated her belief that these things are far too complicated.

We did eventually persuade her to give up that phone and instead splash out on a basic Samsung model, explaining that although she’d have to spend over £100, the phone would be easier to use. She did actually get to grips with it quite well and hasn’t looked back since then but, like a pp said, she did have the unfortunate habit of somehow jabbing and swiping the screen at the same time which obviously ended up with the phone not doing what she wanted. One of her friends bought her a stylus to combat that and now she sits happily tapping away, albeit very slowly so we get the constant “mum is typing” notifications, followed by a one word message around fifteen minutes later. She also likes to have the keypad sound on which everyone else around her finds extremely annoying (“beep……. Beep…….beep….beep….oh no, I’ve misspelt that and have to delete….beep beep beep beep. Deep breath. Beep….. beep…. Beep….) and I have regularly video calls with the underside of her chin.

She joined facebook a while ago so that she could keep up to date with the family. She reposts Britain First memes on a daily basis, likes and comments on every photo posted by anyone she knows, joins in practically every conversation, even if it has nothing to do with her, posts messages in public that really should be private, responds to each and every post she says that says something like “I bet you can’t name a city beginning with the letter A”, reposts things like the dog with ham on his face, or pictures of children with disabilities saying they were told nobody would like their photo, tags herself in any group photos which include her but refuses to give herself a profile photo (so she’s still got the basic silhouette profile) because if facebook knows what she looks like, they will let someone steal her identity.

At least she tries though. Meanwhile my dad doesn’t even have a brick phone and is aghast that she would have brought such a thing into their house. He doesn’t like or trust computers at all and everything that ever goes wrong, from the TV breaking to either one of them coming down with the common cold is blamed on the fact that she uses “that thing” and it is creating invisible electric waves which are disrupting the house.

Slightly different context but this reminds me of when my Mum worked in online banking for Natwest. She had a caller on the phone who was fuming as her cheque still hadn't cleared...

Mum: When did you pay it in?
Caller: A bloody week last Tuesday!
Mum: Which Branch was it paid in at?
Caller: I didn't pay it into the branch you fool, I did it online...
Mum: ........How exactly did you do that?

She'd put it into the disc drive.

Been there and done that numerous times for my DM. She is awful with passwords although has not set her phone or iPad to be unlocked by dead mans finger yet.

Loving this thread, I get phone calls at work from DM on these lines:

DM : What's Sandra done to my computer?
Me : What's the matter with it?
It doesn't work
What happens when you turn it on?
Nothing
Have you checked the power cable?
Oh there is power, the light comes on and it makes a noise, but the screen is blank
Well that's not nothing is it, I expect she turned the monitor off
It doesn't turn off
Yes it does, try the switch on the right hand side
There isn't one
Yes there is
Oh yes, it's fine now

Keeps the office amused

My late F was concerned about people stealing his internet. There was no one to steal it in their isolated cul de sac - they were the youngest there. His grandchildren would sit quietly through this as they passed the internet password card round each other.

A little later they both, somewhat suddenly, were unable to drive. They’d moved away from us, their children. They lived miles from any shops. Friends would get them stuff but it wasn’t an ideal situation.

So I suggested internet shopping, yes they’d seen a Tesco van in the area so Tesco it was.

My Mum’s kingdom was the kitchen and my Dad’s the internet. They rarely encroached on each others kingdoms.

My Mum’s failing eyesight as well as 3 fridges, 2 freezers and a randomly organised pantry meant that she’d little idea of what they had in. My Dad wasn’t well and was a fussy eater.

My Dad would, with my Mum’s help, type out the order. He’d go down the aisles as it were and she’d tell him what she thought they need for the week ahead. This took a couple of hours.

Initially this worked OK. However my mum only had a vague idea of what was needed/what they’d eaten. My Dad wasn’t brilliant on his iPad. They basically had the same order every week with minor amendments. He often had a dangling finger that could order stuff on its own.

At that time I went across every weekend to find the various fridges filled with rotting salads and fruit, still in their bags. A dozen jars of honey, More bread than a flock of geese could eat.

Eventually we moved them to a house near my Brother. He oversaw their shopping. ( notice how Tesco aren’t doing so well now). Far less to chuck out now.

I've watched her sit at her computer and type www.google.co.uk then when she's got to Google she's searched for the name of the website she wants to visit

DH does this, in fact when he once asked me to look something up for him he said you need to put in Google first, I just looked as though he was mad, I didn’t realise it was a thing.

My DH is convinced if you're calling from a mobile you have to ring a mobile. Thus, when he is out and I'm at home he rings my iPhone even though we have a perfectly good landline with four handsets.

I've just remembered the time I asked my mother if she has any funeral wishes.
"Oh yes, it's on my computer with the name 'funeral plans'"
"your computer is password protected, right? Can you print it and put it somewhere obvious?"
"But Lord Fidget and Brother Fidget are both good with computers, they'll be able to find it"
"They're not going to be able to hack into your computer"
"Lord Fidget works for Microsoft doesn't he?"
"No. And even if he did Microsoft don't have a big list somewhere of everybody's passwords"
"are you sure?"
At this point I gave up.

My lovely GPs, in their 90s, nearly had us going lately when I picked up a kindle accidentally and then asked whose it was. Oh no dear, that’s not ours.
A quick search of their house found four such devices. They would only admit to owning one. After I’d charged and examined them it turns out they did, of course, all belong to DGPs.

They only need or want one each so I set them each up with the ones they liked best, with instructions to call me if they changed their mind and wanted a different one. I’m quietly coveting the other two perfectly functional kindles but I’m trying to find the sweet spot between asking too soon and looking grabby, and waiting too long when they’ll have again forgotten they exist 🤣🤣

This is how my child was taught to find a website in school ICT.

Bloody hell. Is their ICT teacher one of the mothers on this thread?

Disgrace — Gmail ignores full stops in the username, so [email protected] goes to the same account as [email protected], [email protected] etc., so the first two example addresses you gave are equivalent (assuming the second one actually finishes with .com).

I have the opposite problem to previous posters. My mum is perfectly fine with computers. Didn't get on with my dad's old iPhone, or the desktop, but that's largely because both were set up how he likes it. But with her own laptop and Android phone, which she leaves on the default settings as much as possible meaning she doesn't cock everything up like my dad occasionally does, she's absolutely fine. Has a few things she likes to do — check the news, do her banking and online shopping, Google for stuff, find hobby-related info and instructional videos, all that kind of thing. The problem is that she's so unconfident of her own abilities that in the rare event something goes wrong, which invariably turns out to be a bug, a service outage, or Windows being fucking stupid, she assumes she's done something wrong. No, mum, it's the computer/website at fault!

I still get texts with "hi, mum here" which end love mum. I have given up explaining/showing her.

This is my MIL on FB - despite the fact her ruddy name and photo appears next to each comment or post which she MUST be able to see as she's bloody typing, she still signs off "love Doris". (I've hidden her profile, it gets on my wick.)

My Mum puts all messages to FB friends on her profile, but doesn't tag the person it's for. So she'll put "Have a great birthday - hope to see you soon, love Brenda. x" Who are you talking to Mum?

After the ice, have a look at https://www.lastpass.com

I buy big IT systems and the such like, and have designed software functionality, but I am indeed your mother in this respect

I'm off to make a list of all my emails. And account things. And password wotsits. And apps, mustn't forget those. And figure out FB. And Instagram. And Snapchat. And stick my head in a bucket of ice

I have this with my husband, he cannot work either his iPhone or his iPad both of which were hand me downs from me and he types in google to the address bar to be able to go and search for something.

I wouldn't mind so much but he is only in his 40's and is a software developer.

Brilliant thread! My dad was ace, we lost him in December and he was tech support for everyone. He was only 60 though. My mum is 69 and I regularly have to go round reset her printer, now tv, internet and laptop!

who kept her emergency mobile turned off and locked away. She thought that just having it on cost money

My mum kept her phone switched off for years! And then admitted later on that she knew full well it didn’t cost anything, she just didn’t want to be contactable all the time when she still had teenagers at home

😅😅😅
Thankfully my mum had no interest in getting the internet in, she won't even use the basic Kindle I gave her pre loaded with books.
My DDdad got a button mobile and is rubbish a with it.
Every week he comes around to tell DD it's broken again and every week she had to take it off airplane mode.

My DM used to send emails with the header "mum here". Even after endless proof that her name appeared in the from address.

I still get texts with "hi, mum here" which end love mum. I have given up explaining/showing her.

I've watched her sit at her computer and type www.google.co.uk then when she's got to Google she's searched for the name of the website she wants to visit

This is how my child was taught to find a website in school ICT.

Oh, I've just remembered my grandmother who kept her emergency mobile turned off and locked away. She thought that just having it on cost money even though she was rich and my uncle (also very rich) paid for it anyway.