If oyu name si Linda you are an admin perosn at a hospital

Magenta's best friend is Hannah. She has a fashionable asymmetrical haircut and works in a record shop. She spends most of her wages in Claire's Accessories, and ashamed of the fact that her parents own a seven-bedroom house with 10 acres of land, a paddock and an ornamental lake. She told Magenta she grew up on a council estate and doesn't know who her dad is...

FGS, this thread is taking over my life! I'm even thinking about it when I'm driving the car! I've just read through, and realised I'd missed the post about Bob and Lindy. It gave me a lump in my throat Perhaps DH is right, I do need to get a job.

Yes!!!! Diggory murdered Saltires dog!!!

Diggory is a vet. He's 6ft with thick brown hair, dark pools for eyes and 'capable' hands. He's utterly charming and all the women in the village have a crush on him.

Diggory has a secret.

Daphne Amory - Blunt likes dogs ( 5 - all bitches) tweed and stout walking shoes.

She was "disappointed in love" in 1947 and remained at home living off the small trust fund with Mummy and Daddy.

There was the most awful stink in 1951 when Daddy made some very unwise investment choices and they had to sell the Big House and move in to the Lodge - where Daphne and the bitches have remained ever since.

Mrs Hopkins at the village shop has told her that Carl and Julian ( who have bought The Laurels)are Gay ........ " Well of course they are dear - Gay and Bright have you seen how Julian has brought the Shrubbery back to life?? - now 1lb of the best back bacon, milk and Bread - and pop in some lambs liver for my girls please - and have Darren deliver"

Daphne hasn't paid her account at the village store since 1996.

She walks the bitches back to the Lodge, Carl stands transfixed in horror as 17st of canine cannonball hurtles towards his Armani clad crotch - "Don't mind Bess dear - she's just being friendly" Daphne beams - as Bess drools over Carl - who is now getting the full effect of Bess's halitosis.

Daphne would like to invite Carl and Julian over to the lodge for a sherry one evening but once the dogs are settled in the armchairs and sofa's there's not much room. She decides she'll wait til the weather is better then they can have Pimms in the garden while she pins Julian down to what exactly he feeds the Hebes.

She makes the bitches Liver and Potato.

She has a bacon sarnie.

Terry is a 50-something window cleaner. He is a bachelor and lives alone in his one bed flat. He collects football match programmes from the 60's, 70's and 80's.

Barry is a school caretaker at a secondary, he is in his mid-thirties and is balding rapidly. He lives with his Mum, Pauline, who does lots of good work with the church. The girls at school tease Barry relentlessly. He tries to hide his erections with his mop handle.

Did anyone mention Maureen is having an affair with Pat the Postman. She has many special deliveries.

Mrs Webber doesn't have a first name. Well not that many people use. She believes in keeping a distance - especially in her line of work. Familiarity breeds contempt and all that. She has five winter outfits and five summer outfits that she rotates on a daily basis. She did hear someone snigger that "it must be Tuesday because Mrs Webber is in green tweed" but she chose to ignore that childish comment, after all, it had come from Dan the PE assistant.

The funny thing is Mrs Webber isn't married. Actually she is Miss Geraldine Webber but somewhere back in the mists of time class 5W gradually changed Miss to Mrs and she has never corrected it. She is not sure that she would like to be a Mrs - men and all their idiosyncracies and smells - but somehow it makes her more human to be a Mrs.

Geraldine can cook up a storming curry. For one.

mrsmalumba, you are confusing Jackie with Jacqueline. Jackie is Thu-19-July 10:02:05.

Tricia is brassy and funny. She agrees with everyone, she's lovely when you see her but will be gossiping behind your back 5 seconds after you walk away. She drives like a lunatic because she can't concentrate for more than 5 minutes. Great at a party but a rubbish friend.

Did anyone mention Pat is a postman?

Giles is a farmer.

My SIL is Philippa and I am PMSL at the thought of her in a headband and jodpurs.

Paul is a salesman. He is outgoing and quite loud, and a bit of a flirt. He's quite goodlooking but far too shallow to be taken seriously.

Dawn works on reception. She has blonde hair and acrylic nails.

Jackie is head of the school PTA. If you spot her coming towards you with a clipboard, run like the wind.

Sadam has changed his name to Adam. He somtimes recives post to Mr S XXXXX. He prayes his uni' flat mates never cotton on.

I didn't realise Tamsin was bullied, she seemed to have everything going for her.

lol at this thread

Alfredo washes up in the kitchen of a large girls boarding school and spits his cheroot ends into the dishwasher so everything tastes vaguely of tobacco.

Ruben fantasises over Lola with the big tits and knows she would still be alive if she had met him; unfortunately he is married to timid and more than slightly frigid Naomi and sex is limited on once-a-month-with-lights-off-and-sparky-polyester-nightie-still -on sex and the occasional birthday fondle.

Beatrice( BEE) is a dog trainer who specialises in difficult Weimeraners and breeds Dachshunds in her converted stable block annex which she rents from her brother-in-laws ex wife.

Peta would love love love to be gay but is married to Nigel who she knew in school and who is loaded, so she is resolutely hetero and hating it.

Ninas have brazillian waxes.

Ryan has lots of blackheads in his ears. He sits at the back of the class and snears at the teacher. He is strangly attractive to the girls.

and making him eat avacado

Tamsin was bullied at school which has left her with low self confidence. She would like a cat but is allergic to pet hair. She has been ttc with her husband Iain for two years. Iain is being difficult about going to the doctors for help as he doesn't want to give a sperm sample. She keeps buying him baggy underwear.

Linda has a sign in her office saying 'you don't have to be mad to work here but it helps'

Doh Linda is the thread titile, we need to know more about her then.

Liz is very career driven. She would like to have a stable relationship but it isn't top of her priorities, and children don't feature in her plans for the future.

Did we mention Linda?

Or Rhona or Brenda??

What about Kenneth and hows micheal getting on with his gay neighbours?

But since being very young, Osama has been great at hide and seek.