If oyu name si Linda you are an admin perosn at a hospital

If your name is Emma and you have a boyfriend, you only want to socialise by doing "couple things". If you're single you will only go on girls night out and get in a huff if there are any couples within a one mile radius. You are usually blond, but sometimes try brunette for a few weeks before getting your highlights re-done

Olivia - cute child, gets into drugs in a big way from mid teens. Likes scruffy men

John - sensible. Dependable. Dull. People avoid him

Oliver - bullied a lot at school but does quite well in later life

Matt - has a home gym and unused mountaineering equipment

Dom works in television. Mummy, Daddy and married sisters Lavinia and Thomasina all live in Surrey. Dom went to public school where he was bullied mercilessly, though in his mind they were actually his friends. As they grew up his mates always pulled the birds so when Natalie came to work at his office and showed interest in him he couldn't believe it. Mummy, Daddy, Lavinia and Thomasina do not like Natalie - she is "no good" for Dom.

Now Dom and Natalie have an eight year old daughter who they drag around gastro pubs with them while out for "meals". They usually manage to consume two bottles of wine per "meal". Dom looks much older than he used to and has no money left, though he ignores this fact while racking up more and more credit card debt entertaining Natalie and making sure she does not leave him.

I know this is an old thread, but it's the funniest thing ever and I'm dying to contribute now!

Janine shoplifts.

Jake is a recovered drug addict who has been through rehab and an extensive programme of therapy. This has made him a little wearing to be around. He met his wife, Helena, at a therapy group, and now works in interior design with a friend. Helena is a slightly dappy youth worker - she got the job because she has escaped having an actual criminal record, coming from a wealthy background which meant she did not have to steal things to buy her drugs.
Jake and Helena now vigorously eschew anything addictive. At their wedding, at which Jake cried all the way through, no-one was even allowed champagne. Sadie, Jake's mother, secretly thinks that he was easier to deal with when he was a smack-and-coke-addled advertising executive. She worries that he will get into evangelical Christianity.
His sister, Ruth, is a Conservative local councillor and has disowned him, but more because she thinks his tattoos and oddly-coloured hair are a bad influence on her children.

Jodi is a Veterinary Nursing student. She was not over-bright at school, but was encouraged by someone like Helena to do her course because she LOVES animals and wants to help them. She is surprisingly good at the anatomy bit and is one of the most popular girls in her group, with the other students and her teachers. Sadly, the first time she witnesses a cat being put to sleep whilst on a placement, she goes to pieces and does not return to her studies. Eventually, she opens her own poodle parlour.

Emily-Jane is a trainee estate agent.
She is 19.
She is bright and pretty, and has nice nails.
She has a lovely telephone voice.

She is love with Neil, who is a fully-fledged estate agent.
He has his own car and his own flat.
And his own clipboard.
He has shiny shoes - and a shiny suit.
He is less than tall - an aspect for which he overcompensates by wearing heeled boots, even in Summer.
Neil is too much in love with himself to have a relationship with anyone else.

Emily-Jane thinks she will work with Neil forever.
She won't.
But it will take her about three years to realise he is a total nob.

Moira wears Poison, by Dior. She knows it adds to her "presence" in a room full of strangers.

Moira works for a market research company. She has neat blonde bobbed hair, wears suits that are ten years old and flowery blouses.

She is used to addressing roomfuls of people in anonymous hotel conference suites where she goes through questions one by one and is proud of her methodical approach.

She is quite territorial of her overhead projector and secretly longs to run her own Weight Watchers support group.

Troy has had the full body electrolysis now, but the stripping still has some allure for him, so he's sticking with it, until something better comes along.

Rosie has changed. She dabbled in evangelical christianity but knew, long term it wasn't for her. She is dabbling in becoming a goth, and wants to change her name to siouxsie.

Sarah teaches primary school. She dyes her hair surreptitiously (and badly) at home. The ethnic clothes and beads have turned into things that resemble suits. She will never see a size 12 again.

ROFL

did anyone else just describe themselves and people they know on this thread?

this should be in classics me thinks.

Pauline fell pregnant when she was a teenager and gave birth to a little girl, the girl was brought up by her father, Salvatori and is living in southern Italy. Terry doesn't know. Pauline is thinking of learning Italian.

Terry and Pauline run a Blackpool B&B. Their favourite customers are the blue rinse coach parties.

Brian (Bingo Bri) is a bingo-caller and works at the B&B every Wednesday and Friday night.

Gordon has converted his garden shed into a haven for his model railway collection. His wife, Diane, wishes he was more dynamic and sexually adventurous.

Kim always flashes her (not great) tits to hail cabs after a night out.

Helen always ends up holding Kim's hair back.

Seb is on a gap year in Thailand. When he comes home he will study marketing at University.

Thalia is a ladyboy. She'd quite like a go on Seb. She likes his foppish blonde hair and big blue eyes. She's seen the bulge in his combat trousers when she smoulders at him in the hostess club.

Kim works in the gift shop of a tourist attraction. She likes to gossip with Helen in payroll and her favourite film is "Dirty Dancing". She likes going on staff nights out, getting pissed and trying her luck with the cute guides who think she is a bit annoying because she is always asking too many personal questions when they are outside having a fag break.

(he obv works on the paper, he cycles on a bicycle he found in a skip)

Teddy was a Lloyds name. He had to sell everything, including the family silver, when it all went the way of the pear. He rents the lodge to the stunning Queen Anne mansion he once owned. A vulgar city boy, Tre, bought the house for a song and proceeded to rip the beautiful oak panelling from the billiard room and fitted a bar and disco ball. Tre is planning a Japanese Zen garden instead of the celebrated Gertrude Jekyll landscape. Teddy does not approve.

Greg is a vegetarian and cycles to work on a small, unpopular, lefty newspaper.

Jon and Fi are funky modern parents. Jon is bald and has piercings and illustrates comics and Fi is a stay at home mum who calls herself bisexual but has never actually been with a woman. They met at art college and knew Jamie Hewlett before he did Tank Girl.

I heart this thread.

I love it. My favourite ever thread on MN. Ever. Ever. Ever.

Nothing is funnier.

Thank god its been revived.

Lynne is a lesbian electrician. It's great that she's a woman electrician but unfortunately she's not very good at it. Nobody else knows this yet but the last house she rewired is soon going to be a pile of ash. No one will be hurt.

Anne is a thirty something teacher who cries and eats berries whilst perching on the desk teaching sixth formers. They look sideways at each other, then at the clock.

Oh god. I forgot how much I love this thread.

It is my fav ever MN thread, I think

Come on Cod, you got Donna to type that. It's even worse than usual

And has Maria revealed what she got up to at the weekend??

Anyone know what Karen has been up to??

WHAT IUS GOIGN ON wiht this thread being resureted

If yuor naem si Cod you wokr in teh typnig pool. Wthi Donna.

Amber used to be Adam. Gavin likes it that way.