Secrets of your trade.

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Thanks newyoiker. Nice tea and coffee coming up!!

@GorkyMcPorky junior doctors stopped getting ash cash in a lot of places two years ago - I had some disgruntled friends who would use it for night out monies.

@MollysLips agreed about the beauty sales! I'm the person who lays it all out and sets the prices and people will literally try and sneak in before it opens, will hide things behind cupboards, will grab a whole armful and sort it in their office - fucking maniacs!

I get some nice shit though.

There is a swimming pool in Redditch that uses the heat from the crematorium across the road to heat the pool. Actually a really good idea as it is the waste heat as they have to cool the fumes down to a certain temperature before they can be released into the atmosphere because they need to condense any mercury (or something along those lines). I worked on the engineering of the swimming pool and it caused a bit of delay getting people to agree as some people didn't like the idea of dead bodies heating the pool they were swimming in.

please make sure that your relative is actually already dead before you ring to make an appointment to register their death

Anyone else reminded of the scene in Addams Family Values, where Debbie says to the official "I'll be a widow"??

And please make sure that your relative is actually already dead before you ring to make an appointment to register their death.

@Obloodyhell a fruit platter would be amazing, or lots of tea and coffee but nice stuff as the coffee we get at work is maxwell house and shockingly bad!

Calling all hospital medics - my geriatric mother is constantly in hospital and prides herself on being rude to all the staff as she thinks this is how she will get her own way.

What gifts can I bring into the wards for the staff to accompany my apologies? I don’t want to bring in biscuits as they are not the healthiest. When I say rude, I mean very rude.

And please make sure that your relative is actually already dead before you ring to make an appointment to register their death.

And there is a story that I think we all want to hear the rest of!

I work in theatres (surgical) and I can assure you all that we take the best care we possibly can of Everyone. Organ harvests are so incredibly sad and also heartwarming but it is so fast and brutal at times as unless it the patient died on an icu it has to be incredibly fast, in fact most of the organs procured from uk donors come from patients on life support.

Happy to answer any questions about theatre

Tell all your friends

Habitually Smoking hash/weed/grass whatever is very likely to make your teeth fall out.

snottynosedsheila
Yes to both your queries!
Any big metabolic upset/illness around late pregnancy/ birth/ early months can often cause a disruption to the teeth that are developing at that time.

The molars thing - there are several factors in gum disease but a lot of it is hereditary. You minimise the progression of gum disease by scrupulous oral hygiene and not smoking.
Hope that helps !

Another dentist one.

If your dentist has a certificate on the wall with an award for
‘ best dental practice 2018”
Or “ most caring dental team “ or suchlike ,

These are awards in which the dentist PAYS to nominate themselves, they take a table at the “awards dinner” costing up to £100 a head :the dental press are there taking photos.
The “judges” will have never even met the dentist or been to the practice.

The awards ceremony organiser makes several thousand £ in one evening and the practice gets a night out with an “ award “ thrown in .

Like a toddler’s birthday party, just about everyone gets a prize.

It’s a money making exercise in self promotion and vanity.

@Theyvallgone you've made me cry! When you've given birth to angel babies can't tell you how much it means to have that level of empathy. My twins would have been 23 in January and I still remember the wonderful midwife who stayed all night with me. Thank you for doing what you do 🙏 xxx

In some cases an acute illness highlights how ill a person is ... I think for those people having the discussion may help them to accept what is coming and prepare themselves for it

Even as someone with no medical expertise that makes perfect sense to me; the idea of a very sick 90 year old suffering CPR is just dreadful

As I said, this whole thing really should have more prominence than it does

When I worked at a very big international steel company, they fiddled the year end result by holding back paying the Suppliers for months, then did a massive payment run on the Friday, year end date was following Sunday. Think £250 million, system worked by closing the invoices off as paid on the Friday but didn't clear the bank while the following Tuesday, so showing invoices paid but money still in bank. When I pointed out it was fraud I was quickly asked to leave the meeting.

Registrar of births, deaths and marriages.

If you call your baby a stupid or made up name then I we will judge you.

I will always try to find something complimentary to say about every bride, even if the only nice thing I can find to say is that I like her nails / lipstick colour etc. My 2 favourites were the bride who wore a strapless dress with a very obvious pair of handprints tattooed atop each breast and the bride with a strapless dress that slipped down during the ceremony exposing her aureoles

And please make sure that your relative is actually already dead before you ring to make an appointment to register their death.

Sorry meant to tag @puzzledandpissedoff

puzzledandpissedoff
Sorry just saw your comment. In some cases an acute illness highlights how ill a person is and sometimes that makes it easier for the patient / relative to address these issues. This is probably where most DNACPR discussions are had (in hospital at least). I think for those people having the discussion may help them to accept what is coming and prepare themselves for it. Especially the knowledge that they / their loved one can die with their family around them if that’s what they want, and no medical interventions. I’d like to think it provides some level of comfort in that respect. Many older people have a clear view on resuscitation and IME the vast majority would not want to be resuscitated if they died in hospital. Unfortunately few consider this until they are forced to, so it is not unusual to find a 90-something year old on the ward who is for resuscitation because no-one has asked her what she wants or even thought about it. The chances of successful CPR in that age group is so low that IMO it would be cruel. My personal view is that it would almost be a violation of her right to dignity to attempt CPR (in that particular scenario) and so it should be an obligation for those treating her to discuss her preferences.

Moo hahaha I've said at the first contraction I'm grabbing a midwife and hand cuffing her to me! Last time I sent DP to work (it was fine, he has a whole nervous work day), wouldn't next time.

Teacher.

I swear silently very often. And we have phrases that we use as code. I am particularly fond of 'focus' / fuck off cause you're stupid.

When the little darlings tell me to fuck off, it often takes every ounce of self control not to say it back.

Almost every single veterinary person I know loathes the drama and thinks Noel Fitzpatrick is a twat....and his real name is Martin ;) I wondered about that. I actually hate him.
I know you won't believe but here goes. I'm a sheep farmer. We actually love our sheep. When our best tup died my shepherdess and I stood crying in a bloody field.

@olderthanyouthink

Believe me, if I was your midwife and knew your history, I’d invite you in at the first twinge!

GeneandFred

Seriously? I've not done West End but I've done professional regional theatre. I can't remember having time or being able to see an audience member putting their hand across their mouth to talk whilst the house lights were down. Even if I had I wouldn't assume they were talking about me. Going to the theatre with my DM or DH it is more likely to be something like - 'I need a wee, how long is it until the interval?'

Phones yes. You might think you are being discreet but you illuminate yourself like a Christmas tree. We can spot you a mile off. And we hate you. Turn it off or fuck off outside. I have known Company Managers ask the FoH Manager to remove audience members using phones during a performance due to distracting the performers.

Like the twats sat either side of us last weekend at the show we went to. It doesn't just piss off the performers, it also pisses off fellow audience members. We want to watch the show, not the glow from your phone. And if you can't manage a couple of hours without updating FB or IG then stay at home.