Secrets of your trade.

Just that really, that it can seem overly managed. That women are so much laid on their backs whichbis closing down the pelvis and hindering baby doing its own wriggling around to get out. Women not laid on their backs also will move naturally to shift to accommodate the bay moving around on the way out. Everywater birth doesn't have MW s hands all over the DMs perineum.

I have to say I didn't ever have any of that, did have a natural large tear with one of mine,but no stitches. I never laid down either. Really weird how water birth wasn't something that appealed! Which it obviously does to many.

If you want a table at the Ivy and it's completely fully booked, say it's for Christopher Biggins and a table will magically become available....!

@smotheroffive

“ that midwives grab babies instead of leaving them to mum to pick up their own babies, to sex them and so on.”

What do you mean by this?

I really feel the need to tell you that my job is to protect your perineum from tearing and that means having my hands on your baby’s head and guiding it out.
It’s also my job to make sure your baby doesn’t get stuck on the way out, which involves gently encouraging baby out and in the same movement placing him/her on your chest.

But first and foremost it’s my job to respect your wishes. If you come to me and tell me not to touch your baby on the way out, I’ll tell you why I should, and if you’re sure then I won’t do it! I’m not here to force anything on any woman and it fills me with horror to think that someone would think I snatched their baby first.

@theyveallgone and @moofeatures thank you. Our midwives were so distressed when they delivered our angel baby and I’ll forever feel grateful to them for the compassion and care they showed us.

To everyone who has responded to my post - I’m so touched that my words have meant a something to you, and I honestly mean everything I have said.

I must say with regards to epidurals (in reference to another midwife’s post), I find the majority to work, and work really well. This is because we put effort into making them work, if they’re a little quirky at first I will do everything in my power to make that epidural work, if nothing I do changes that then I will ask the anaesthetist to re-site it. I will never leave you in pain.

@fluffylittleclouds
Yes, as midwives I think we are better informed and have better access to choice and involvement in birth. But it’s nothing that any other woman couldn’t have access to if she did her research and knew her options.
I had both my babies on my delivery suite. In fact I went well out of my way to do so (not my local trust). I trust my colleagues 100% and knew they were the best people to trust mine and my child’s life with. I’d make the same decision again in a heart beat. (And no it’s not weird, not one of them will even vaguely recall my most private parts, and I never felt undignified in the slightest, even at my most vulnerable).

With regards birth plans ... god yes please do document if you’d like skin to skin, feeding preferences, who you’d like to cut the cord ... but take it all with a pinch of salt. You simply cannot control birth. I can’t control birth, I can make it as safe and comfortable as possible, but I can’t make it how you pictured it in your birth plan.
It hurts my heart to read “no episotomy unless I absolutely need it” ... please please understand that I would never perform a surgical procedure on your perineum unless you and your baby needed it to survive or protect you in some way. Same thing with forceps, I wouldn’t allow a Dr to do a forceps delivery unless all other options were exhausted, I understand nobody wants it - it truly doesn’t need to be written in your birth plan.

What does that mean?

I know a senior Web developer/coder/software guy and he would like you to know that the real peeps DO NOT copy and paste from Google!!

This is probably really boring, I work part time in NHS and lots of that has been covered.

I also work in supplying social housing, so much money gets wasted with nimby’s protesting about housing being built in their area. They are mostly white, male and in their sixties. They organise expensive barristers and then it goes to appeal with a planning inspector.
So much money, hundreds of thousands of pounds spent at planning appeals which is coming out of LA budgets to defend.

Oh thats hard, yeah I wasn't talking about when intervention is required! How precious that moment however 'snatched'!

How lovely you picked up your own babies from the water, so did your own birthing with no 'middle-man'!

passed straight to mum that's what I mean, that midwives grab babies instead of leaving them to mum to pick up their own babies, to sex them and so on.

Ds was in distress and nearly died- they literally pulled him out (forceps) put him on my chest for a second, then whisked him away. Even that brief second on my chest was them passing him to me before they whisked him away to work on him - I’m actually really emotional thinking of it now, as I know realise it was a deliberate act of kindness in a shit situation

My babies weren’t passed to me, they were born in the water and I just fished them out.

Babies are generally passed straight up to the mum these days, I was the first person to hold both of mine (in a hospital setting with medical interventions in both cases).

Like the first person to hold the baby is the midwife rather than the DM or df?

I was the first person to hold my babies when they were born.

Community midwives have an sos hidden in their ID badges that can be activated without an aggressor knowing. It will record what is being said and can alert the emergency services who can track the MW’s location.

@Accountant222 your company was wrong to pay suppliers late but what you describe would not have been committing fraud and fiddling the results.
This is because the bank balance shown on the financial statements would have been adjusted to reflect the balance after all payments had cleared. The balance at the bank is not the final balance you see on a balance sheet. It would have been the actual balance at the bank less the 250m. So the timing difference of clearing payments is taken into account.
Basic double entry and also accounting software prevents this type of fraud.
You can't have a debit without a credit. So you cannot pay a supplier without showing the other side which would be reducing the bank balance (as shown on the accounting software and balance sheet).
This is reflected in the accounting equation:
Assets = liabilities + shareholders equity
The balance sheet would not balance otherwise.
There are many other ways to fiddle the year end results but not that way. Also a company that size would be audited each year to try to find any obvious ones!
HTH

you put yourself firmly in the hands of the medical staff to make the best decisions

This ^

Do you find as a midwife that many hand over their birth of their baby as if its the midwife's birth? That the DM thinks her baby's birth is not hers, but belongs to the medical team? Like she couldn't give birth?

Does that make sense?

Like the first person to hold the baby is the midwife rather than the DM or df? Always strikes me a bit odd that medics take over in that sense, that DMs handover that and are just participants rather than the lead in their own delivery? Classic things like lying on your back to birth when that keeps the pelvis more closed at the back.

Oh and also - I reckon being a midwife would (does!) give me the balls to argue with doctors more. There’s a general belief that doctors are more knowledgeable than midwives by virtue of them being doctors, but this just isn’t true. The average band 6 midwife has far more knowledge and experience than a SHO or crap junior reg.

@fluffylittleclouds

I’m a midwife but I’ve never given birth, but your post made me think.

Does your knowledge mean you do anything particularly differently to other women, or know any special tips or tricks etc?

I think we understand the importance of eating, drinking and mobilising. And we’ve probably got a better idea of when is too early to go to hospital.

Do you bother with your own birth plans or do you put yourself firmly in the hands of the medical staff to make the best decisions? Do you feel your knowledge gives you better access to informed choice and involvement in the birth than other women?

I’d certainly make ‘birth preferences’, and I’d trust my colleagues to implement them as best as possible. Well, most of my colleagues. That’s another secret - I’d totally pick my midwife, and I’d probably refuse to let some come near me!

And also- do you give birth where you work? Everyone always says dignity goes during childbirth but it’s okay because you pick it up again on the way out the door. But obviously if you’re in your workplace then you have to go back and work alongside the midwives/drs/etc who saw you in that state of ‘no dignity’. Does it feel awkward??

I’d absolutely give birth at my unit. Sure, flashing your vag to a room full of people whilst off your tits on drugs sounds undignified, but there are ways of giving women little bits of control and respect throughout the process. Little things like covering the nether regions with a sheet, or whipping away a poo before anyone else realises it’s been done, or providing choices. If your midwife isn’t doing those things then she’s very bad at her job - I wouldn’t expect a better standard of care just because they’re my mates.

Especially not given recent events - they'll be in the bunker 10yrs after the nuclear bomb has gone off trying to decide when/ if to leave

🤣🤣🤣

Hermione I am so tempted to add the logistics of salvaging post-production gear to my current role, because of the sheer waste, and the massive lost benefit!

@olddentist what of my pp? Thoughts? I wondered if maybe you'd missed it?

Especially not given recent events - they'll be in the bunker 10yrs after the nuclear bomb has gone off trying to decide when/ if to leave

In the event of a nuclear "incident" there is absolutely a plan to save major politicians in various pre-equipped bunkers. Because of course in the event of a nuclear winter, radiation and the collapse of civilised society what we really need to survive are politicos over engineers, doctors, trades, armed forces ....

Midwives... one thing I am curious about is how things are when it comes to yourself giving birth?

Does your knowledge mean you do anything particularly differently to other women, or know any special tips or tricks etc?

Do you bother with your own birth plans or do you put yourself firmly in the hands of the medical staff to make the best decisions? Do you feel your knowledge gives you better access to informed choice and involvement in the birth than other women?

And also- do you give birth where you work? Everyone always says dignity goes during childbirth but it’s okay because you pick it up again on the way out the door. But obviously if you’re in your workplace then you have to go back and work alongside the midwives/drs/etc who saw you in that state of ‘no dignity’. Does it feel awkward??

@puzzzled and smotherofffive - yes, completely agree, charities could help but there's often no time to organise it and nobody really cares enough to do it. You'd need to pay someone to spend a good 10 days or so organising this and nothing else, and Productions won't pay for that. Once a Production wraps, staff start leaving for other jobs immediately.

With putting up signs - fine for people working in the studio, but most are too busy to find the time to go and look at stuff, or don't want it, and obviously no members of the public are allowed to come and collect stuff due to confidentiality/security.

I have tried and tried on Productions and have managed to get lots of stuff donated, but this generally has to be organised 'in your own time' and not whilst you're on the clock. When you're working 14 hour days and 11 day fortnights with an awful lot of other urgent work to do, you don't have much time left to dedicate to it.