Secrets of your trade.

As a journalist it is true that we 'bang people out' when they leave (quit, new job, redundancy) which means that the whole newsroom smacks rhythmically on the desks like some weird tribal Haka. It's a sign of respect.

We censor the comments on our websites not because we 'don't like what was said' as people think but because if it is libellous we can also be sued.

animaginativeusername it’s great that your son works hard on his BTEC and submits in time. Those students deserve their distinction grades. What’s unfair is those who haven’t worked hard will come out with more or less the same grades because the teacher has been told to make sure they all pass, and universities/employers won’t be able to tell the difference.

To the other BTEC teachers who commented - I’m aware that schools and FE colleges are funded differently. Schools don’t need students to pass in order to receive their funding. The FE sector has been hammered with funding cuts in recent years and that’s why we need to grab as much money as possible. We can’t afford to lose the money from even a single student failing.

Yeah redlocks...dayum. i'm naive like yogafanatic, assumed fosterers were all really passionate about providing what home doesnt - family, love, giving a shit

"IT here. My most important skill is being good at Googling. That's all there is to fixing a lot of computer problems, Google likely stuff and find suggestions for things to try."
safariboot

Yes! This, so much! I say that as a developer I'm a professional Google-r. I'm really good at hunting down stuff in the internet, I can freak people out with my ability to find info on people online (long lost family type thing most recently)

I agree with redlock i knew some one who was foster and his parents were just interested in the money they received.When he was 17 he was kicked out as they were no longer receiving money for his care

@VelvetPineapple my son is doing BTEC, will definitely not tell him any of this. He works hard and always submits in time, so far has received distinctions. Latest one he struggled - and had an emotional breakdown but got it done.

However I do understand the need for colleges doing this

Aurynne, your post is very strange to me. Are you an independent midwife? In four pregnancies I’ve never had a named midwife as far as I know, I have never had any number to call other than the hospital ones for EPU and labour ward, and have never spoken to a midwife other than at regular appointments. I have no idea of the names of any midwife who I saw in pregnancy nor do I know any of the names of people who were present when my DC were born - I’ve never seen them again since. And it would never occur to me to contact a midwife about baby poo.

@nevernotstuggling

Also 200k is a gross underestimate. I worked out roughly how much a child I work with has cost the local authority. It's £550k on foster care alone I'll add up staffing transfer and other costs later

That would be very useful, thank you. If LA understood how much they are saving money fostering fees alone, they might be willing to spend a £10k child on post adoption support. Maybe £20-30k on older troubled children. As you know, teenagers in residential care cost thousands a week. And that’s where they are heading if the adoption disrupts in teenage years.

And it might convince MNers and social workers to stop telling adopters and foster careers that they should be grateful that they have a child and shut up already asking for help.

This is not something I'm keen to share but after reading Redlocks30 post.....
A family friend used to foster, she openly admitted doing it for the money. They used to get laptops, theatre tickets, days out, money for home improvements etc. All to be used for the foster children, She used to sell the tickets😮😥
The children were always clean and well dressed but she had minimum interaction with them. Used to make me so angry!!

@Redlocks30 that is so terribly sad. I always assumed that being a foster parent was vocational, a calling if you like.... how naive am I.

@Redlocks30 gosh your's is the very saddest post on here.

thanks earlybirdhasanap. For clearing that up I was a bit worried then, it sounded a bit like everyone was just hanging around waiting for the person to die without anyone trying to help them.

Probably not the most secretive thing I'm sure many know this, but most big fashion houses, the designers do not design their stuff(for fashion week) They have a big design team who do it all and they will come once every now and then to have a look at the items and then tells the team what's good or not. (yeah that's not amazing news)

Another one, is a very big lingerie store I used to work in. If the staff came across a bra that is slightly "damaged" which is as small as a having a pen mark. We have to cut it up and dispose of the item. Couldn't even give away to charity.

(ok mine is quite boring)

Working in teaching, I have to say some of the saddest things that have stuck with me is hearing children in foster care talking about their home situation. These are placements of young (under 7) children, with families rather than in a residential home.

In each case I have been involved with, the child has seemed so poorly cared for. Not locked in a cupboard or hit, but just the bare minimum done for them. The foster parents have eg given totally inadequate birthday presents-eg socks, a card, school shoes. They have been treated noticeably different to their own children (who have also been at our school) in an almost Cinderella way. They seem totally uninterested in doing anything with the fostered child-reading, talking to or spending time with them. I just wanted to take one of them in particular home, give them a hot bath and a bit of happiness.

I have probably been very unlucky and just met a handful of crap foster carers (I totally accept that there are some crap ‘people’ everywhere be it foster carers, dads, teachers, bankers etc but the impact it had on the daily lives of these very little children who were supposed to be helping them was just so sad.

Can any social workers here tell me if they struggle to get foster carers? Are they paid much? Do you ever have to remove children from foster carers or are they really well vetted?

It must be a really hard job to do-providing a home but never knowing how temporary it would be and when you might have to say goodbye, but I just wish I’d seen more compassion there :(

I am not saying all foster carers are crap at all-I’m sure most are amazing. It’s just the 3-4 I have met in my work-capacity (over 15/20 years) really made me sad.

princessmum1 If you’re nice to the crew, you will get treated better. We can go really out of our way if we want to. The job is harder than it looks.

I fly longhaul to one place once or twice a year min.

I always take a tin of nice biscuits/shortbread etc for the crew, which I take up to the galley after the first meal service is done.

It's not for any better treatment (I fly BC so it's fab anyway!), I just realise they have a hard job and I like to appreciate that.

I don't think that is a standard for all care homes @flowersinthebedroom.

I've worked with the same company in various homes for the last 13 years. I can say this hasn't happened in any of them!

Currently I work in a good home with good staff and yes we are short staffed too. All our residents are given the care they are assessed as needing which is updated constantly. Yes each individuals care needs will be different so their level of care and input may differ. But if the families complain or visit more it doesn't mean they get more "quality care" compared to anyone else..... the complaint is taken on board and care needs adjusted if required. We work with the individual and their family.
We will advocate for the residents with no family, and we are lucky that our management team will listen and want the best for the individual too.

It's horrible to think that happens. And I'm not doubting it does.

Care homes always get the negative coverage, never the praise!

(sorry for typos, I wish MN had an edit option)

Fantastic thread!

Midwife here, I have worked both as an independent community midwife and a hospital midwives. Some things peopple may not know:
No matter how nice your midwife is to you, she really does not enjoy receiving texts from you at midnight.
Every woman in your caseload truly believes she is "a bit more special to you" than the others. Often the one who really is a bit more special to you has no idea :)
Please treat us respectfully. When you phoned us in labour, or with an emergency, we may have just had a fight with our DH, our DC may be sick, we may have top interrupt the only time I could see our mum in hospital to go to you. We do have lives that get constantly interrupted when we are on call. If you have not noticed, it's because we are good at our job and always put your needs before ours.
We do not appreciate photos of pooey nappies or your last bowel movement in an unsolicited text message. if it is absolutely necessary for you to show us, please warn us first. The fact that we deal with bodily fluids often does not mean we love seeing them at dinner time.
"I have a cold" or "my baby does not want to go to sleep" is not a genuine reason to call us on a Saturday night.
During most of labour, the pain of contractions means the uterus is pulling up, not pushing down.
Pushing will not make you tear. the baby's head position is the main responsible. Most tears during spontaneous labour are impossible to prevent. If you "tore badly" please don't blame us, most likely we were trying to minimise the damage. Tears caused by instrumental birth, though, are often preventable/able to be minimised... if the obstetrician really cares about your perineum, which is not always the case.
Most women do not poo during birth. I would say perhaps 40% do, and it's mostly a very small amount during the last stages of pushing. We not only don't mind, but we actually get very excited if we see a bit of poo, because it normally means the baby is successfully descending and close to being born.
Epidurals do significantly increase many obstetric risks both for mums and babies. That's why midwives don't like them, not because they want you to feel pain.
Every midwife hears "I'm not doing this ever again", "I'm going to die", "kill me!", "I don't want to do this anymore" and similar platitudes several times a day. We smile to ourselves and continue supporting you.
It is not true that midwives believe that every baby is beautiful. However, we will agree with you if you think so.
Midwives remember the names, faces and smell of every single baby who has passed away under our care. We think of them often. We wonder how their parents are, what they are doing, whether they are happy. Even if there is nothing we could have done, we feel responsible. Every. Single. Time. We mourn for your babies, no matter how big or small, how young, how sick. We live them and cry for them. We never forget.
The cervix is the only organ in the human body that is able to completely disappear during labour and then reappear again shortly after.
The placenta is 96% formed by the baby's cells, not the mother's. So it is not a maternal organ, but the baby's.
Many people believe that the mother's blood gets into the baby through the placenta and umbilical cord. The truth is, the bloods do not mic. They are separated by the placental barrier, that only lets specific molecules go through. Blood cells do not pass through. The bloods only mix if there's a haemorrhage, and it's not a good thing to happen.
If your midwife/obstetrician cuts the cord immediately after birth, the baby will miss out on about 20% of its blood. Please insist in delayed cord clamping. This is even more important in babies who are in distress, and hence cannot deal with a blood loss. Immediate cord clamping increases chances of neonatal mortality by 30% in distressed babies. this has been recently discovered and many obstetricians and paediatricians refuse to update their knowledge and skills and refuse to delay cord clamping. Please insist on this! It can also be done in a cesarean section.

@IM0GEN my post was in opposition to the John hemmings school of thought.

Also 200k is a gross underestimate. I worked out roughly how much a child I work with has cost the local authority. It's £550k on foster care alone I'll add up staffing transfer and other costs later

I'm an operating department practitioner and work in the operating theatre and recovery area and quite a lot of my job consists of hand holds and cuddles. I always talk to unconscious patients and tell them what I'm doing and I've found that human touch helps a lot when people are scared so I always offer a hand to hold if they look worried.

I spent a very uncomfortable hour in post anaesthetic recovery with a patient with significant LD who wanted to hold my ponytail for comfort - I had to bend right down and write my notes on the wonk and my back was killing me!

I don't think those are really secrets though... maybe that often there is music in theatre from someone phone and wireless speakers, or that kind colleagues wave their hands and make the 'T' sign and leave you a cup somewhere if you're super busy, or that wearing scrubs is great as you come to work in any old clothes and pick the right size of scrubs off a shelf in the staff room then chuck them in the hospital laundry bin at the end of the day.

Im very lucky with my job. Im a childrens cancer nurse and work with amazing people.

The lengths we all go to to provide care and comfort makes me so proud it brings me to tears at times.

One thing ive learned is that sometimes there ate no words, sometimes whats needed is to sit with someone or hold their hand.

I think deep down people just want to know theyre not alone.

So if you have a loved one going through ill health or life troubles and you dont know what to say. Tell them you dont know what to say, tell them its a wrotten thing thats happened and that theyre not alone

We really have seen it all and its ok so please dont be worried or frightened to tell us or shows your worries. It wont phase us and if we dont know the answer or solution we know other health professionals who will.

When talking to families...its not the beginning questions or the middle ones that tell me whsts happening....its the one that i hear as im putting my coat on or my hand on the door handle...that ive found tells me the most and thats ok. Please never be scared or self conscious

If your finding it hard to get in touch with your consultant....contact their secretary instead.

Nurses get so much chocolate from thankful families. Its lovely and thoughtful but not great.

Coffee, tea etc better.

At christmas every store room had tins, boxes, packets piled and dhoved that one ward manager insisted any health professional stepping in the ward...to tske some. The amount was scarily shocking. Thry couldve stocked a mini Tesco

That was at two hospitals i know about.

Talking of finances - it costs £15k to permanently exclude a child from school (in our LA at least?)