Next door are having a massive fight about google

It's the build up that creates the lunacy really.

I had been asking XH if he would carry a TV downstairs for about a week. He then broke his toe and took to his bed for the week. I felt he looked suspiciously happy about the toe and I became a lunatic carrying the TV downstairs screaming at the top of my lungs "that's fucking right, you lie there you fucking whore. I'M JUST THE FUCKING TELLY FAIRY DON'T MIND ME"

Tbf the GP was worried about blood poisoning and had instructed him to keep his leg raised and drawn a line on him in felt tip. It was the smiling that broke me.

Over 30 years ago but I well remember our first huge fight when DH insisted he could beat Martina Navratilova at tennis.

DH would be lucky to get his serve in 50% of the time when knocking a ball around a court in the local park. But apparently men are so fit and strong and sporty that virtually any man could beat virtually any woman at any sport

I got more and more infuriated and neither of us would back down. Older and wiser now I would have congratulated him on his prowess and paid any amount of money to Martina to come round and thrash him senseless

The beans thing is pretty unforgivable IMO. LTB 😂

@UnlawfulBananaPeeler

To be fair, I would cry over the cheese in the beans too... who does that?! Sick, sick, sick

😂

@OhDearGodLookAtThisMess

It's ok, Gate-gate has done my nut in as well. It's now lying abandoned in my hallway, all 1009 millimetres of the bloody thing.

We had a right humdinger over an umbrella in the middle of the street. It was pissing it down, my husband didn't have an umbrella with him, so he bought a golf one for £3 saying it would also be useful to keep in the car. I don't know why, but I lost the plot and started shouting at him that he was selfish and materialistic. In the middle of the street, in front of his sister and b-i-l. I've since come to realise I was completely unreasonable and bonkers. I don't even know what came over me.

Thighofrelief Fully laughing my head off at the idea of your parents independently trashing areas of the house then snapping out of it and seeing the aftermath....!!

Once had a screeching row with an ex over who wrote Tales of the Unexpected. It was pre internet, so the only possible way to resolve it was ex going into the lift to get my copy of the book.
My neighbours probably recall me screeching. SEE! SEE! I FUCKING TOLD YOU IT WAS ROALD FUCKING DAHL. FUCK OFF WITH YOUR STEPHEN KING.
Not my finest moment.
He didn't speak to me for three days.

This but is outing as I've mentioned the fish one before...

He also gets words wrong and I can't help but laugh sometimes and then feel so horrible about it. We've had "pufferfish are flamboyant" and yesterday he pronounced "vaccine" as "vay-kin" out of nowhere and it got me good

One of our biggest rows was about fish. DP said all tropical fish were freshwater fish. I disagreed, and said that you also got saltwater tropical fish. DP said "I think I know what I'm talking about as I used to have tropical fish as a kid and they were freshwater". I said "Yes, yours were freshwater, but that doesn't mean that tropical saltwater fish don't exist, what do you call fish in the tropical seas?!". "Marine fish". "Marine fish are all sea fish you tool! What about in the tropics?"

Turns out DP had no idea what the tropics/tropical actually meant, and I had to Google the photo that outlines the boundaries to show that within the tropics there existed both freshwater and saltwater, and therefore both freshwater and saltwater tropical fish...

Just yesterday, I said "I have to go to X", he replied "Why have you got to go so far?" And I said "I'm not, X is in our borough, one bus away", and he said "No it isn't, X is its own borough!" That one made me rage for some reason! He was so adamant and acted like I was completely dumb. Again, only solved by me googling.

Lots more swearing involved on both sides but best not repeated I think

Me and DP once had a fight over him laughing at me because I’m short. I am short and I was using a step to get something off a shelf in the kitchen.
I said he was mean to make fun of me all the time, he said I was being sensitive, I told him he has no idea about my feelings.
It escalated until I screamed go and marry a giant then. It ended rather quickly after that.

I also once cried because he put cheese in my beans rather than on my beans and I was just so disappointed in him

Oh shit. See what you mean.
Scrap that.

No, 1009 mm is just over one metre, which is the probable width of a garden gate.

Me and my dh have had many an argument about how long he takes to do a poo.

@MyFamilyAndOtherAnimals1 my DH does that too!!!!

DP and I once had a big fight about whether I would be capable of throwing a spear at a moving lion. he thought my aim would be too bad, I thought I could if I needed to and was hungry.

... I know I've been really annoyed at my dh for typing www.google.com into the Google address bar. ... (he still does it and it still annoys me!)

BIL arguing with me that icing sugar is sweeter than granulated sugar. I tried to tell him that it they are exactly the same but one is more finely ground. But nope I was in the wrong.

I happened to over hear part of the conversation. We were secretly recording it from our phone. It was about what her boss would say if she was caught stealing money from work. Their voices were so loud we heard everything by listening at the walls too. They never knew we knew.

I think that's stretching 'happened to overhear' to breaking point.

I can't even see the gate and can tell it's millimetres. Why did you think he needed to specify the unit of measurement?

Well yes it was millimetres but this was the man who failed to tell the difference between carbs and calories minutes earlier because I 'hadn't been specific enough'. Anyway, he knows I work in centimetres. We were both tired.

Surely not centimetres. That would make it ten metres wide 😂 has to be millimetres.

Millimetres? Don't you mean centimetres?

One thousand and nine.'

'What? Miles? Inches?'

I can't even see the gate and can tell it's millimetres. Why did you think he needed to specify the unit of measurement?

< revs up argument again >

EstuaryBird - but are you French even?

My mum and gran rarely disagreed, but one thing they did not agree on was the Royal Family. My gran thought they were hard working and felt sorry for them, and my mum thought they had an easy life. Two memorable arguments on this theme were -

Gran - But the Queen works so hard. Just think of all the letters she has to open, read and answer.
Mum - She has staff for that! She doesn't do it herself.

Gran - I wouldn't want to live in Buckingham Palace, it would take so much cleaning. It would take ages to clean the windows alone!
Mum - The Queen doesn't clean the bloody windows.

You can tell there is a theme here. I just always used to laugh at these arguments.