Next door are having a massive fight about google

Fuckyouchris!
You do have the most loquacious discussions with Gerald!

Fuckyouchris I award you best in show. I laughed like a drain at Gerald being furious that you changed the marmite theorum on him. How could you Martha?

@Joe and @Thighs

I still stand by it...animals don’t mingle around with snacks and cocktails at parties do they?! They unconsciously stand in a collective but they don’t mingle...it is something I can do that an animal can’t! I can feel my indignance at my dad laughing coming raging back to me

@cricketmum84 Yep ex-h came out with a similar kind of line. Who knew root vegetables were so emotive ?

@TheDogsMother I had a similar argument with my DH!! I was making beef stew and peeling carrots and parsnips to go in it. He walked into the kitchen and said "ugh don't be putting all that shit in it!". I threw a carrot at him and went and cried!

With ex H, a major row about the inclusion of parsnip in a beef stew. It ended with me hurling said parsnip across the room and locking myself in the bathroom. For the record, parsnip is a perfectly nice addition to beef stew.

When I was about 11, I had a massive argument with my mum about the name of a nearby road. I said it was 'Turle Road', but she insisted that it was 'Turtle Road'. It was a good 15 mins walk from where we lived, and before the days of mobile phones.
I got told off for shouting, being argumentative, and not conceding to my 'elders and betters'.
About a week later, we passed the road which had caused all the conflict. I had been correct. I got a very grovelling apology, and extra sweets that week.

My most prolonged argument was with my sister over a single bed whilst visiting her at her university halls. It proceeded thusly: if you are staying with a relative in a single room so one of the two has to sleep on the floor, which is the preferred option? Having the bed but with no covers, or sleeping on the floor but wrapped in the duvet? Clearly floor but with duvet is preferable however my sis insists it is obviously the bed, as it's a bed and you can go to bed. We spent so long arguing about it that neither of us worked out that she should have just had the bed and I should have just had the floor and that it was in nobody's interest to come to an agreement in the first place

I read Dh the one about the husband being furious about his wife suddenly liking guacamole last night. He said, “I don’t blame him, I’m pretty furious about the marmite thing.”

Which was surprising, because firstly he’s a very amiable man, and secondly I’ve always loved marmite. He then said (very accusingly), “When we first got together you gave me instructions on how to spread marmite that specifically said that it should be applied to the bread like chaos theory - randomly and falling where it may. Then a few months ago, you said that it needed an even coating. I’m still furious.”

He didn’t sound furious, but then I responded, “You still need an even spread, Gerald! I was merely explaining that it’s not like jam! An even spread for marmite means that I still need the right ratio of marmite to butter to toast, in each mouthful, but unlike jam - where I would need a thin, even scraping - it is fine for the marmite to be scraped in uneven fashion across the toast.”

“Uneven is not chaos, Martha! You completely moved the goalposts!”

“It was merely a poetic illustration for how it should be done!”

“No! You changed it!”

“Hang on, did you say you’ve been furious about this for months?!”

“It’s a righteous anger.”

And so on, and so forth. He’s right really. Chaos theory was never the perfect illustration, but that doesn’t mean it wasn’t worth arguing

I wonder if there is a collective term for a mingle of animals? A tower of giraffes, a parliament of owls, a mingle of....eels.

People close to my house may have just heard me bellow at 11yr old DS who was loading the dishwasher, claiming he couldn't get anything else in and monumentally faffing around at the same time me >> "THERE IS ALWAYS SPACE FOR A COLANDER!!". (There was).

I am crying at all the animals not being able to mingle at parties

PlinkPlink cricketmum84 THANKYOU
It’s still a point of contention now. One of his friends suggested to melt the cheese on the toast and then but beans on it ....
Maybe I should LTB

Sheepsheep - the neighbours must have been scratching their heads wondering what on earth a telly fairy is

Fucking telly fairy has finished me off. 😂

his ffs

(I wasn't there I hasten to add)

tope, sweetie.

My friend ripped off his own pyjamas mid-row with him wife.

Apparently it's 'tope'.

Ubercorn - torp surely?

I'm laughing so much at this thread my husband keeps asking me to read them out. We're now 'debating' how to pronounce taupe 🤔

My neighbours had a blazing row because he was hoovering and she wanted to drink her cup of tea peacefully so she threw her tea on the floor and told him to ‘fucking Hoover that up then you prick

She sounds like an abusive bitch.

Ooh, just remembered another one!

The friend I had an argument with when he said it was Paul McCartney who wrote 'Lucy in the sky with diamonds', having been inspired by one of his children. It started out fairly genial.

Ended up with us nose to nose and me screeching 'check the fucking chords you wanker, it's so obviously Lennon, and McCartney didn't even have fucking children then'.

We haven't spoken since 1991.

Highland, hope you're going to watch that nice new film Battle of the Sexes with your DH this weekend?

Highland - it's not too late, she'd probably do it for free if you explained it was in defence of her honour.