Next door are having a massive fight about google

@Flashingbeacon, we’ve never played it again to this day. Risk is now banned in this house. Hateful game.

At the weekend dh asked me if I wanted a sandwich from the sandwich shop. No I said because I have stuff in the fridge.

He went and got himself his sandwich AND cake and crisps. He got me NOTHING because I said I have stuff. I had stuff for a sandwich I didn’t have cake or crisps.

We really fell out over that.

@ScribblyGum I completely understand. It’s not just about winning, it’s how you play. At least you were playing against each other, DH was on my team when I kicked off.
Just for fun I asked if he fancied a game of trivial pursuit this evening, not if I’m playing apparently.

I was chatting to DH about making some chocolate fridge cake. Later we were making a food shopping list and Dh turned to me and said 'Don't forget to buy the Baileys to put in the cake'

I've never put Baileys in the cake before but thought it was a great idea so told him so.

DH spent the next hour arguing that he would never have thought of that by himself and I must have told him about it.

I'm sure our neighbours heard me practically scream at him "Why won't you accept you had a good idea for once and stop trying to get out of it"

My new gate btw (the one that's a thousand and nine miles wide) is still in my hallway. I'd hang it myself but he's hidden the hinges.

@StormTreader

It quickly became apparent that she was insisting that he CUT HIS PENIS with a knife in some kind of "showing your devotion to the lord with blood" thing, and that this was only their second date

Oh god, I actually laughed out loud at that.

A few weeks ago, I overheard a couple having one of those under-the-breath, gritted teeth arguments about how wrong it was to have quail instead of turkey for Xmas dinner.

Later on, I saw the man (who wanted turkey) sitting the car on his own in the passenger seat while the woman was still at the check-outs

Christmas Day 2003. I stormed out of the house and marched down the road and off into rural North Yorkshire because dh wasn’t playing Lord of the Rings Risk boardgame properly.

“Where are you going?”
“AWAY FROM YOU YOU BASTARD, YOU KILLED ALL MY ELVES.”
“But that's the whole point of the game!”
“NOT ON CHRISTMAS DAY IT ISNT! ON CHRISTMAS DAY YOU PLAY TO WIN NOT TO DESTROY”
“But...”
“WHY COULDNT YOU JUST PLAY RISK NICELY FOR ONCE IN YOUR BLOODY LIFE.”

People staring out of the pub window watching a heavily pregnant woman marching thorough the village shouting at her husband about killing her elf armies.

He had to get in the car to come get me.

Oh I have another. This one rumbles on because I am mean.
I used to walk home from work every day. Took about 45 minutes and a lot is uphill. (Used to walk to work too)
This particular day I text DP when I was about a mile away, and said am outside Tesco, 15 minutes til I am home.
All is well, dinner is on blah blah.
It took me 17 minutes to walk home and when I got in he said as a joke thought you were only outside Tesco, that's not far what took so long.
Well readers, I did not take to this "joke" and told DP it's a mile away, you go walk it! He denied it was a mile away, so I googled and told him it's. 9 of a mile away.
Still didn't believe me, so I made him walk to it, take a picture on his phone and walk back. 40 minutes later. I won.
I still ask him how far fooking Tesco is.

Years ago when DD was a baby and I was on maternity leave I was telling DH a rather dull story about how it had started raining as I was coming home and I had had to stop outside the hairdressers near our house to put the rain cover on the pram.

DH denied the existence of the hairdressers. I insisted there was one. He insisted there wasn't. He finished the discussion confidently with "I walk past there every single day and I can assure you that there isn't a hairdressers there."

I was sleep deprived and gave up the argument with him, because I doubted myself in the face of his absolute certainty that there was no hairdressers there.

For the last 10 years I've taken great pleasure in pointing out the hairdressers that has been there ever since we moved here - the one just round the corner from our house that he hadn't noticed even though he walked past it every day.

Hopping, that’s hilarious. My OH and I have had some ridiculous disagreements like that.

Not an argument so off-topic, But was a funny thing to overhear. I overheard DD when she was about 7 or 8 asking our twenty-something next-door neighbour:

‘Do you mind if I call you dad?’
Him: ‘Er yeah, I do a bit’

NB: DD already has a very nice dad who lives with us and always has done. Obviously just felt she wanted a spare one. 😆

Some years ago I was travelling home on the train after work. Very quiet carriage - most people were reading or dozing. Suddenly two men at the end of the carriage leapt up out of their seats and started throwing punches at each other. Other passengers intervened, but I think it was the man who shouted "Gentlemen please" which stopped them. Someone pulled the emergency cord and stopped the train.

It turned out that they had been having a passive aggressive disagreement about who got to put their arm on the armrest between their seats. A bit of elbow shoving had clearly got out of hand.

They were middle aged men, not children.

I was once walking back to someones house with some friends, there was a couple walking behind us arguing in that low key reasonable I'm not happy kind of tone of voice. We were vaguely listening in, ready to all agree that the woman was being totally reasonable and the man was being an arse, fully expecting something like "you were ignoring me all evening" or "you need to start doing your share of the dishes".

It quickly became apparent that she was insisting that he CUT HIS PENIS with a knife in some kind of "showing your devotion to the lord with blood" thing, and that this was only their second date. She seemed baffled that he wouldn't do this to show his devotion, he was very reasonably explaining that in fact he wouldn't be doing that, culminating in a beautifully humdrum "I think I'll give it a swerve". We actually started walking slower to try and stretch out the time we could listen because it was so unbelievable, they eventually unfairly ruined our cunning plan by overtaking us and walking off.

We still randomly use "I think I'll give it a swerve" sometimes.

Me and DH still can’t mention sausages and beans on toast without arguing
Many years ago we were in the supermarket and he picked up a tin of beans and sausages. I asked why was he buying them, as in did he has a certain meal plan? He said no he just fancied them and I said ok.
A few days later while he was out I ate them on toast. He wondered where they had gone and had a huge go at me for eating them
NOT because he wanted them but because ( he claims) I had told him not to buy them because they were horrible so he was furious I had “lied” about liking them. This escalated into accusations of food snobbery (from him) and greed (from me) and involved lots of yelling
Over 10 years later DS loves them but I only give them to him when DH isn’t here so I don’t Trigger him

Also feel i should follow her example and take a weapon into the bathroom to defend my territory as we have one toilet inside the bathroom only, sigh. First purchase upon a lottery win will be an en-suite, I'd give up a toe or ear lobe for an en-suite.

Worriedmum i love that. Hearing aids have more than one use. My mum has worn one all her life and regularly turned us off when we were kids. I remember standing outside the bathroom flicking the light on and off to get her attention. She would shout. "whoever is on the other side of that door should disappear because I'm going to stab them" thank goodness I had siblings to deflect the blame.

Many years ago, I was woken suddenly at 5am to the sounds of a row next door. It was difficult to hear what was being said, but the one line I heard clearly (from the man) was: ‘...and THEN, you wake me up at stupid-o’clock to tell me you’re going to have a wank!’

So bizarre. He moved out a few days later.

My very old neighbours, who are terribly refined and speak with cut glass English accents, had a huge row that we heard from the garden.
She was screaming at him to turn up his hearing aid as he couldn't hear a word she said.
Then she berated him for giving up the sign language course she had arranged.
We couldn't hear his side of the row, until he boomed "PARDON?".

They generally get on very well, I think.

SpoonBlender, don’t ponder too hard, it just ends up making Gerald righter. I should have known not to be so poetic about marmite. What we’re you thinking, Martha?!

Everyone needs an occasional, ridiculous fracas

I haven't RT whole FT, but surely this has been nominated for MN Classics.

I'm so loving this thread, particularly the ones like the penguin one..starts off slowly with a couple wondering how penguins recognise each other in a huddle, widens to include partners ,then escalates to include all the kids, and then suddenly! All Out WW3

More,please.Want more

FuckYouChris I'm pondering the quantum indeterminacy of marmite now.

Thighofrelief Telly fairy had me silently shaking for several minutes!

Our worst argument was about the existence of a park. We live in the city I was brought up in. Husband doing up the house so takes stuff to the tip often. He said he’d take the kids with him to the tip and I said they should have a run round in the park after. He denied there was a (huge) park there. I was adamant. It escalated!
Since then he denies having the argument and enjoys the park with the kids 😡

So many arguments about food - we had an epic disagreement one year in a French holiday home about peeling the shell from a boiled egg. I ended up throwing the (fucking) eggs on the floor and stomping about half a mile along a deserted dirt track in rural France, plotting my DP's demise until I decided it was too hot and went back to sit in silence for the rest of the week.

To this day he offers to show me how to peel an egg properly with a smirk on his face. I always make sure I give him the best, smoothest one to try to avoid providing fuel for his smart remarks. Prick.