Next door are having a massive fight about google

My father, aged 67 at the time, refused to speak to my mother for a week because she said he didn't look like Paul McCartney

^^
That is so funny, you can't make stuff like that up. Gold.

I had a massive ding-dong with my twat ex when he insisted it was possible to reheat mashed potato in a pan. I said it would burn, he said it wouldn't. On it went.

I stormed out. On my return some hours later I found lumps of burnt mashed potato in the bin. Did he concede? Did he fuck.

DH and I had a blazing row once about the date of DS1's birthday. He maintained it was the 10th, I said the 12th and it turned out we were both wrong!! We had to check his passport to confirm.

Now he is lying next to me in bed hissing in my ear "I didn't say the 10th, I had it right the first time!! I never forget my children's birthday except that one time in the doctor's surgery when I was under pressure."

ask Jeeves

What ever happened to Jeeves I wonder???

I was once walking to my friend's house when I heard yelling from a bungalow. I stopped to listen as it sounded quite intense and I'm a nosy fucker. The stand out line was "Well what did we buy the fucking caravan FOR Colin".

I hung around for a while but never did hear the answer.

Two pensioners were having a blazing row in a pub I worked in. They were having an argument about what was the toughest stain to remove from a carpet. One said Ribina the other insisted it was Irn Bru. It got so bad that the Ribina gent invited the Irn Bru gent outside for a square go 😁

This thread reminds me, whatever happened to @SirChenjin ??

This might out me, but the biggest argument I had was with my then flat mate and best friend of 3 years. We both moved out and didn't speak to each other for 2 or three years after it.

The argument: which was better: Heinz ketchup & other mayonnaise vs other ketchup and Hellmans Mayonnaise.

I had an argument with my tumble dryer this morning. It kept beeping at me that my washing was dry after five minutes when it was still clearly damp. Fucking stupid auto sensing. I shouted at it that it was a bastarding bastard and I slammed the door and walked off. I pray to god the neighbours couldn’t actually hear me.

@SeaToSki - that's one of my favourites too! Although I first came across it in about 1992/93 in a viral email (albeit before the term viral had been invented, or indeed for that matter, before social media had been invented ).

Back then it was the Americans vs a lighthouse off Cornwall or Jersey (can't remember which but it was a lot more local to us than Canada!).

In the interim I've also come across it happen off the coast of Mexico and Italy - the former complete with fuzzy radio transmission of the 'actual conversation' that they conveniently remembered to record in advance - with the US talking in American, the Mexicans talking in Spanish... Luckily the video had subtitles and amazingly they had pretty much the identical conversation as they had with the UK and Canadian coast guards too (I suspect if you have a quick look on youtube you'll find many more versions of it too).

Although it is noticeable that in all cases it's always the American ship that doesn't want to give way and hasn't noticed it's sailing head first towards a light house!

Me And and my brother had a major row at an airport in Turkey over whether whales had nipples ( they do obvs so I was right)
We were both in our late 20s so not kids, we didn’t speak for the whole flight home

DH and I had a serious argument about where we would put the (unbought) piano we HAD to have for our, at that point, unborn, child so they could learn how to play the piano. Because it was essential.

I'm putting that one down to hormones but apparently it was so funny and unreasonable he still tells people about it.

Late to the party but maybe he should ask Jeeves made me

Biggest argument I have had was with my boyfriend of 4 years, huge slanging match over the correct way to cut up sprouts. We broke up over (the final straw).

Best argument I ever heard was a couple boarding a plane, back in the day where you could sit where you wanted. She wanted to be near the front, him at the back, and it went on and on mid aisle until he shouted "well, have you EVER seen a fucking plane fly into a mountain backwards?"

I once had an extremely heated debate with one of my best friends at a New Year’s Eve party about whether Calamity Jane was singing about the Black Hills of Dakota or the Green Hills of Wyoming. Mortified to later discover that he was right and I was wrong.

Hear not here

These are brilliant.If me and dh need to argue I make him do it in the bathroom as it's the only room the neighbours can't here

I came across two young ladies having a contretemps in the corridor in the school where I teach. One shouted at the other "See you? You're a fucking skip wi' eyebrows". What that actual? 😬

Until DH and I grew up mostly me actually we used to have ridiculous rows about random topics on holiday. Once, in a bar in a fairly remote area of Laos, we had the worst row we've ever had about the best place in the world to live in the case of the breakdown of civilisation/general apocalypse. I ended up screaming at him in front of the whole bar, "You're an arrogant twat who think he knows everything but you know fuck all about soil fertility and I bet you've never even HEARD of an alluvial flow!" I stormed out and was convinced we were over, but we recovered, and we've never drunk rice wine again.

I just know I'd be on expensive cracker woman's side

Across I didn't want to assume, but that's precisely how I won the same argument. I've been using the phrase, 'middle-aged, middle class privileged white men' a lot over the last few days as well. And not flatteringly.

My close-to middle-age, middle class, privileged, white DH knows the spirit/parties to which it's directed though .

My next door neighbours ex wife was brilliantly entertaining during arguments. Could never hear the husband though.

Classics include:

You've been looking at porn on my laptop

And

You've raped my soul and stolen my essence.

She was a certified white witch of Avalon and he is a sex addict which may explain a lot.

I didn't have kid at the time, by the way, so said neighbours were hugely entertaining. Now I'd call the police.

Luke.Warm is so funny but that would piss me off too!

Oh definitely!

Ohhhh I used to have the BEST neighbours for fighting. We were on the 5th floor of a block and this couple was on the 6th, directly above us. They were both male but had surprisingly screechy voices when they got going, and amazing stamina! Nine times out of ten one of them would start throwing the other one's clothes off the balcony. Then after much screaming and shouting one of them would go to gather the clothes and scream from the ground up 6 floors to the one still in the flat. One of our neighbours once poured water onto the guy on the ground which seriously did not de-escalate things.